Guards - Cunts or Not


#21

He took all my details, reg, drivers licence and other stuff he was scribbling into the notebook. He also asked me to confirm that I lived at the address on the licence.

To me that was doing me there and then.

He didn’t say anything about receiving anything in the post, penalty points etc though.


#22

This is a trick. Farmer is actually the cop in the above instance.


#23

Yeah you did it constantly over a weekend in Liverpool and Manchester a few years ago and you antagonised every local you said it to.

Grand if its Limerick City or you know somebody well.


#24

@farmerinthecity , do you want me to make a phone call for you, kid? PM your details to me ASAP.


#25

Cunts to a man.


#26

I thought you’ve been talking about this subject for a few years now but I could be wrong?.. I’m not one to judge, mate, i’m also a disgrace. Like brothers in arms, I find myself in the same predicament…I was supposed to take the theory test on the day of a funeral a week back and with the circumstances of the funeral I had fuck all done for it anyway so postponed for a week and forgot all about it… It was yesterday and I went in after doing a few practice tests the night before- I scraped it 35/40 :clap:What a joke of a system. I now have the eye test firmly in my sights and i’ll be sending off my forms soon. The days of me being able to drive to Wexford for a championship game and a chat with my bezzers @count of monte cristo[/USER] , [USER=109]@Mac[/USER] and yourself are drawing near. I’ve PM’d that prick [USER=1552]@dodgy-keeper[/USER] umpteen times for a lift to various games but I think he doesn’t want me stealing his ‘Just back from’ line, so the cunt has declined each advance… I fully expect a backlash for the above admission but i’ve led a very heady and lazy lifestyle for a number of years and had no time for minor things like driving… [USER=197]@Phil Leotardo will shit his pants if he ever sees me behind the steering wheel… But men like me and you don’t drive, mate. We are driven.


#27

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQVaQMSHC0ZfYBQAMLXXHV0WYRn5OEwpHhbE4eifjIP2ydYw0QG0Q

Genuinely surprised the above pic has not yet been posted.


#28

Imagine he arrested @farmerinthecity and put him in the cells. All the guards together in the canteen then laughing while listening to farmer’s phone call.


#29

Cheers but no thanks.

People who walk in bus lanes need to be saved from me.


#30

[QUOTE=“Phil Leotardo, post: 921450, member: 197”]Yeah you did it constantly over a weekend in Liverpool and Manchester a few years ago and you antagonised every local you said it to.

Grand if its Limerick City or you know somebody well.[/QUOTE]

That was the Mancs only, the Scousers loved me.


#31

Did the cop search your car and find a ski mask, a second mask fashioned from pantyhose, a crowbar, handcuffs, trash bags, a coil of rope, an ice pick, and other tools.

Farmer explained that the ski mask was for skiing, he had found the handcuffs in a dumpster, the rest were common household items before being waved on his way.


#32

You come across as a right fucking eejit anyway ‘mate’ :slight_smile:


#33

I see one glaring omission in your story Farmer. What was his reaction when you stepped out and looked down on him?


#34

The formal of ‘sham’. Nattin wrong with it. Aboy the kid.


#35

Anybody that uses the term “Mate” deserves a 6 months jail sentence for using the word alone.


#36

Great post, pal. My commencement of lessons has been delayed by my torn hip cartilage. The injury upset me and I haven’t been in the correct mental space to begin such a daunting journey. But fair play on the theory test result; my only incorrect answer was in relation to signage for children crossing the road. Accelerate or stop - it’s much of a muchness really.


#37

[QUOTE=“farmerinthecity, post: 921459, member: 24”]Cheers but no thanks.

People who walk in bus lanes need to be saved from me.[/QUOTE]

in fairness you are the most pedantic cunt on here so why do you feel aggrieved when you meet someone of a similar ilk?.. you were breaking the law… he should have split you across the forehead for calling him ‘mate’ …


#38

@farmerinthecity shares an anecdote yet dark forces on the forum take it as a signal of the launch of open season and use it as a stick to beat him with. In the word(s) of recently retired Commissioner Callinan, that’s disgusting.


#39

[QUOTE=“farmerinthecity, post: 921420, member: 24”]Guards are very topical at the moment so I thought I would share a little anecdote of what happened to me this morning.

So I was driving to work this morning. Traffic was very heavy. I was turning left about 50 yards up to way so I decided to go into the bus lane which was on my left. I had just moved in when a cop jumped out of the passenger door of an unmarked car up the way. He flagged me down and asked me to pull in.
At this stage I am thinking of what I am going to say. I was going to go with a ‘ok fair cop but I was only turning left in a couple of seconds anyway’. As I put down the window on the driver’s side the cop says ‘You can utter as many curses as you want I am still going to do you’. The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Cop: What were you doing driving in the bus lane?
Me: I was only turning left there [pointing at the junction]
Cop: That’s what everyone says. Fact is that you are still in the bus lane. In fact I should be doing you for dangerous driving.
Me: How?
Cop: You are not aware where bus lanes are. What if a person was in that bus lane and you illegally drove into one and killed him?
Me: Ok mate (didn’t say this deliberately – force of habit).
Cop: Listen, less of the attitude. Also don’t call me ‘mate’. I’m not your mate. Call me guard.
Me: I am not calling you Guard. Why should I? You’re not better than me.
Cop: That attitude again! Walks towards the front of the car and checks the insurance, tax and NCT which were all in order. You have to drop your insurance policy into your local Guard station – which one do you nominate?
[Checking the tyres at this stage]
Me: Why do I have to drop in my insurance policy? You can see everything is order with my disc.
Cop: It’s called the Rules of the Road. You really shouldn’t be driving if you’re not familiar with them.
Me: What rule is it mate (again didn’t say this deliberately – force of habit)?
Cop: I said call me guard!! Ok step out of the vehicle sir.
Me: What?
Cop: STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE SIR!
[I step out]
Cop: If you continue with this attitude, I am going to have to arrest you for public order offence.
[At this stage I decided to shut the fuck up (not that I was saying much in the first place anyway)]
Cop: Now. That has settled you down. Look you’re only a young lad, I can see from your driver’s licence (he was max 10 years older than me). I have no points on my licence, I always drive within the law. I am only trying to help you here, showing you some rules of the road and you start having an attitude with me.
[This is the most bizarre bit]
Cop: Now go to (the nominated guard station) when you get a chance and I’ll see what I’ll do with this (referencing the ticket).
[He walked off][/QUOTE]

the correct mode of address for a garda is by the number on his shoulder


#40

[QUOTE=“farmerinthecity, post: 921420, member: 24”]Guards are very topical at the moment so I thought I would share a little anecdote of what happened to me this morning.

So I was driving to work this morning. Traffic was very heavy. I was turning left about 50 yards up to way so I decided to go into the bus lane which was on my left. I had just moved in when a cop jumped out of the passenger door of an unmarked car up the way. He flagged me down and asked me to pull in.
At this stage I am thinking of what I am going to say. I was going to go with a ‘ok fair cop but I was only turning left in a couple of seconds anyway’. As I put down the window on the driver’s side the cop says ‘You can utter as many curses as you want I am still going to do you’. The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Cop: What were you doing driving in the bus lane?
Me: I was only turning left there [pointing at the junction]
Cop: That’s what everyone says. Fact is that you are still in the bus lane. In fact I should be doing you for dangerous driving.
Me: How?
Cop: You are not aware where bus lanes are. What if a person was in that bus lane and you illegally drove into one and killed him?
Me: Ok mate (didn’t say this deliberately – force of habit).
Cop: Listen, less of the attitude. Also don’t call me ‘mate’. I’m not your mate. Call me guard.
Me: I am not calling you Guard. Why should I? You’re not better than me.
Cop: That attitude again! Walks towards the front of the car and checks the insurance, tax and NCT which were all in order. You have to drop your insurance policy into your local Guard station – which one do you nominate?
[Checking the tyres at this stage]
Me: Why do I have to drop in my insurance policy? You can see everything is order with my disc.
Cop: It’s called the Rules of the Road. You really shouldn’t be driving if you’re not familiar with them.
Me: What rule is it mate (again didn’t say this deliberately – force of habit)?
Cop: I said call me guard!! Ok step out of the vehicle sir.
Me: What?
Cop: STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE SIR!
[I step out]
Cop: If you continue with this attitude, I am going to have to arrest you for public order offence.
[At this stage I decided to shut the fuck up (not that I was saying much in the first place anyway)]
Cop: Now. That has settled you down. Look you’re only a young lad, I can see from your driver’s licence (he was max 10 years older than me). I have no points on my licence, I always drive within the law. I am only trying to help you here, showing you some rules of the road and you start having an attitude with me.
[This is the most bizarre bit]
Cop: Now go to (the nominated guard station) when you get a chance and I’ll see what I’ll do with this (referencing the ticket).
[He walked off][/QUOTE]he mugged you off, good and proper, knocked the cheek out of you