I had a near miss on holidays in Crete three years ago. Had been there a few days, and the combination of cocktails, Red Bull, junk food and heat had clearly played havoc with my systems. Anyway, in the pub I had a very sudden need to shit and it felt like a big one. I was in a small pub that only had one toilet in it (thatās between both genders). There was a queue of a couple of people ahead of me. It was a very worrying few moments. Iād say if there was one more person in the queue I was fucked, just got in on time. The next 30 seconds was the biggest feeling of physical relief Iāve ever had in my life. The next few minutes were quite worrying as it continued though. The queue was getting restless outside, but it wouldnāt end. The best bit was, when I finally was finished, I looked down and my shit was green and very, very liquidy. The green was a reaction to the Blue Lagoon cocktails I had been drinking I was later informed. Needless to say, I ignored the local edict on not flushing toilet paper on that occasion. I seriously pitied the bird that followed me in there.
Robin Hudās story is one of the best tales on this forum.
Need a clarification here:
Does soiled yourself including puking on yourself in public?
Players?
I was thinking of shitting on yourself when starting the thread but it would be a shame to miss out on a good tale. Weāve already had someone wetting themselves so fire ahead.
The name of the pub? Couldnāt tell you. It was the same place we used to start our post-cocktail at resort drinking every night in Hersonissis. Their lad outside the door used be very excited to see us by the end of the week, and ensured that we got loads of free Sambuca inside. The barman used be pouring it down my neck. I donāt remember getting home any night during that week.
whilst i was a young buck i was asked to a grad by this bird, proceeded to get locked. someone bought me a shot of benedictine, it was like a bomb went off in my stomach, ran to the jacks, evacuated said stomach contents all over jacks in a projectile vomitting manner. thought i had gotten away with it, there was however sick all down the front of my shirtā¦christ the stenchā¦ i thought i was boned it weas only about midnight, luckily there were a few boys who had felt the need to remove their shirts prior to dancing, needless to say i left said event with a lovely fresh shirt, i pity the poor coont who got my eau de vomit garmentā¦
I remember projectile puking all over some cuntās back in the old Mooneyās on Wexford Quays when I was around 18. Iād probably only drunk around 6 quickish pints before it happened. :lol:
Anyway, I knew I was in trouble and was scurrying through the crowd to the jacks and just couldnāt hold it in. I basically launched a load of puke all over this chap as I went past and bolted on to avoid getting a kicking.
Empty reaching and all that lark in the jacks then for 5 or 10 minutes before plotting my way cautiously back to the lads and switching to shorts. The other cunt probably had a carrot stained back.
Yes I admit I have too. In my bed, there was a lady present next to me. In my defence it was the start of the worst two days of my life as I got a serious dose of the winter vomiting bug and nearly lost a stone. A nasty experience.
If Iām feeling unwell it tends to head southwards rather than upwards. Was running home from work in London before with bag on my back. For some reason I thought the Thames was a straight line so decided to stick close to it. About 14k in and still no sign of home my body start to collapse. Not far from home in Vauxhall my bowels started heading southwards - I looked for a park, a tree, anything but there was nothing. Finally a rough enough boozer - Leeds playing Millwall in the playoff semi final or something and a select crew watching the game. I was literally about five seconds from take off - thankfully the barman pointed me in the direction of the shitter. I barely made it in time. The relief was serious.
:lol:
mate of mine did somethin similar in McSwiggans in Galway- the first time we drank Buckfast. Ran down the stairs puked on a lads back and all over the stairs on the way out. Funniest was when he told the bouncers on the way out that some cunt had puked all over the stairs and could they clean it up.
:rolleyes:
Thinly veiled Iāve slept with women, iāve travelled and ran 14k before.
I remember taking a shit in a nightclub before and when I went to flush it away it was sitting upright in a pint glass. You couldnāt flush that.
:lol:
Shitting in nightclubs is a really dangerous practice. Absolutely anything can happen.
That pint glass really came in under the radar.
I projectile vomitted out the window of a bus on the way to Cork for a championship match one Sunday morning. We had been drinking this purple cocktail shit the night before. Just outside Mallow the stomach started to go so I opened up the back window of the bus and let fly. Due to the speed of the bus my purple vomit flew backwards all over the window of the car behind us, we then had to stop at the roundabout and the car behind had itās wipers going full belt, when the puke finally cleared it revealed too obviously shocked and unimpressed nuns.
FFS.
As Tony Dorigo has already said is there any story you can tell without throwing in little details to make yourself look like a great lad. I actually think you might picture yourself as yer man from American Psycho.
I once had the misfortune of being in the aqua dome in Tralee when some young lad around 6 or 7 squirted in the the main pool,the image of that brown underwater cloud bellowing in all directions still haunts me to this day,the horror,the horrorā¦
Fair play to the lad, Why didnāt you clear it yourself?
thatās how I got my username
I spent one New Years Eve shitting in the toilets of the Hillgrove nightclub in Dingle after eating gone off sausages earlier in the day. It was the most horrific night i ever put down. I canāt even remember if there was bog roll there. There was no locks on the doors and the place was obviously thronged as it was New Years. Iāll never forget the stressfulness of it, i was in a cold sweat as wellā¦
:lol: