If you were a professional footballer

anon98850436 · April 13, 2021, 10:25pm

I don’t think you’d beat Celtic on a European night. Fuck going to Inverness on a cold winters day.

Fulham for a few years. London be nice with plenty of wedge from Premier league wages. Not expected to win anything just stay up.

Play with a bit of sun on my back then at Genoa or Athletico Bilbao.

Then come back, reconstitute Malahide Celtic, play Darndale and break Leroys legs, if I could catch the little cunt. Stopping and doing tricks while my team mates laughed…

Rocko · April 13, 2021, 10:25pm

Portmarnock AFC youths
AS Livorno as a teenager in a libero role
FC St Pauli at 23 having secured Serie A for Livorno,
Celtic at 26 reintroducing the sweeper to Scottish and Irish football
A Europa League win in Seville or Lisbon with Celtic and a flurry of SPL titles
A season with Wellington Phoenix where I’d be an anti rugby evangelist on the front lines.
Finishing up in the Cambodian top flight aged 37 where I’d convert to a penalty box poacher.

Move into strength and conditioning full time in retirement and transfer my knowledge from TFK to the uneducated masses on Twitter

Rocko · April 13, 2021, 10:26pm

I can’t believe you want Athletic Bilbao to break their Basque only policies to accommodate you.

anon98850436 · April 13, 2021, 10:28pm

I could bring over my flag and ETA scarf.

Rocko · April 13, 2021, 10:32pm

I remember outlefting @Little_Lord_Fauntleroy in Glasgow once when his Basque jersey paled in comparison to my Palestine top. It wiped the smug smirk from his face pretty swiftly.

EstebanSexface · April 13, 2021, 10:46pm

get picked up by a big academy in the UK, but not one of the elite coterie clubs - a nice club like West Ham or Everton. Spend 2 years on loan in the championship away from big cities to avoid pitfalls and what have you, learn the trade and the profession.

Have a nice career at Everton or West Ham and hopefully win a trophy

Play in a major competition for Ireland and win 100 caps.

Fran · April 13, 2021, 11:28pm

Outstanding

myboyblue · April 14, 2021, 7:15am

Lazarus:

I showed plenty of promise as a young lad on the streets and there was a bidding war between Galway Utd and Athlone Town but then the big boys in Dubling stepped in and Shamrock Rovers made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. Literally.
But I did the right thing and joined Bohs instead because their community spirit spoke to me as a young man. Then after tearing it up in the eircom league one of Forests scouts snapped me up. Stuart Pearce was manager and together we brought Forest back to the big time and won 3 Champions Leagues in a row beating Liverpool in the final each time. Then there was a bidding war and all the big clubs in Europe were after me, Real, Barca, Man U, Man City, Chelsea,Bayarn, Roma the Milans, but I went to Juve as they were paying me 5 mill a week.
At that point the success had got to my head and I was drinking and partying hard living La Dolce Vita, hanging with the Happy Mondays and banging everything in sight most notably a Tuscan supermodel, a member of the cast off Friends(female) and some hot 21 year old member of the royal family called Tabatha.

The media took me to town once they got hold of that story and it affected my mental health, I couldn’t even walk my dog without some prick shoving a camera in my face. What the media didn’t understand was that I actually really loved Tabatha and I really thought we could make it work. The damage was done though and I ended up losing everything in the greatest most epic drink and drug fuelled orgy that went on for the guts of 5 years. Thankfully Juve were kind enough to have a testimonial where I made a few quid back so I bought a bar in Cairo and proceeded to spend the rest of my days playing Joe McDonnell in the corner for anyone else who was happened to be mouldy enough to listen.

As regards my International career in my first World Cup I single handedly powered Ireland to the Final but missed the deciding penalty in the shoot out against Germany. The nation forgave me but I never forgave myself. I was on the bottle by the time of the 2nd World Cup and clocked the manager who just happened to be Mick McCarthy before the start of our first game against Bulgaria. Big Mick never walked again and I never played for Ireland again. The End.

This guy fucks.

Juhniallio · April 14, 2021, 8:37am

Wow. Some career for a kitman. Hotpoint me hole.

BruidheanChaorthainn · April 14, 2021, 9:42am

Every career is a dagger into Foleys heart.

BruidheanChaorthainn · April 14, 2021, 9:42am

I wouldn’t mind a loan spell at Verona.

myboyblue · April 14, 2021, 10:21am

I’d loved to have played for Foggia.

Bandage · April 14, 2021, 9:04pm

PSG → Manchester City → Real Madrid → Chelsea.

TreatyStones · April 14, 2021, 9:58pm

Would you not just go to where Rocko told you

Halfpipe · April 14, 2021, 10:12pm

18-22 Union Berlin, great city for a lad making a name for himself
23-25 Newcastle, win something to make yourself a legend and take the legend status away from Shearer
26-29 Whatever club pays the most, as long as it’s in the sunshine
30+ Just playing for the fun of it now, maybe go to Boca Juniors to experience the derby and find an Argentine wife, then onto Celtic to experience the derby but certainly not to find a Scottish wife

feck_it · April 14, 2021, 10:39pm

maradonna and keane in the middlle would be unbelievable

Little_Lord_Fauntleroy · April 14, 2021, 10:40pm

might spend a season in the A league

Juhniallio · April 14, 2021, 10:53pm

Really? You’d fly return to the other side of the world ?

feck_it · April 14, 2021, 10:57pm

put up ure best team there buddy as youd know them

Fran · April 14, 2021, 11:06pm

@Lazarus and @Juhniallio in the middle of the field would be formidable