Marty's jokes


Marty Whelan. Legend.

I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.


What time will Sean Connery be at Wimbledon? Tennish…


Sean Connery was asked to name his favourite London building .

He thought for a while , giving the question great though





That makes no sense. Wimbledon wouldn’t be open at ten


Yes it would


Do you think?


Yes, play on the outside courts begin at 12.

Gates open at 10.


So the joke is actually factual as well? Unrale


Yes, it’s a tremendous gag and @Juhniallio needs to be thanked for bringing it to our attention


Indeed, @Fagan_ODowd needs to apologise to both Marty & Juhy as well.


I’m sorry, guys.


What do u call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?.. Gracias.
Thanks Marty. Always brightens up the drive to work.




Three sisters all in their 90’s living together. The eldest has one foot in the bath and gets confused. Unsure as to whether she was getting in or out so shouted down for help. The two younger sisters shook their heads and the middle one said “I’ll go”. Half way up the stairs she gets confused and shouts down to the youngest sister “was I going up or down the stairs?”. The youngest shakes her head, gets up and says to herself, “touch wood, I never get as bad as them” and raps the kitchen table twice for luck. “I’ll be up to ye as soon as I answer the front door”.


The US government has banned ice cream vendors selling 99s.

It is reported as flake news .




Did you make that one up yourself?




Sounds like I missed a belter of a show this morning.