During an interview one day, John Terry was asked which of his colleagues he thought had the most skill. “A little bit of Joe Cole,” he replied. “And [Zinedine] Zidane probably, with Beckham’s right foot.” And speed? “[Thierry] Henry,” he replied. Best hair? “Becks,” he said, and then… “Before you go on, can I just nominate [Claude] Makelele for his cock?” Er - what? “Makelele’s cock. It’s huge! Like a beer can, it’s swinging…”