My Homework:
In light of The Dunph Ultimatum, the following establishments were reviewed yesterday as part of my ongoing efforts to experience and explore the greasy world of oil-dipped culinary delights.
The standard meal consisting of a battered sausage and chips was chosen as a representative sample and basis for comparison.
Rathbeale Takeaway:
Food quality: 3.5
Battered sausage must have come from an elephant. I couldnt get my mouth around it (and thats saying something). Unfortunately, there was a 6mm deep longitudinal slit running the length of the sausage. Marks deducted here for presentation and clumsiness.
Chips were fresh from the strainer. Home-made, tasty, but lacking salt and vinegar in sufficient quantities.
Value for money: 4
4.50 for a large battered sausage and large portion of chips isnt at all bad by Dublin standards.
Staff appraisal: 4
Foreign culinary staff are not the novelty they once were, which makes the basic grasp of the English language all the more difficult to fathom. Minor communication difficulties aside, (more of that anon) I could find little to fault them on.
Efficiency of service: 4.5
These folks meant business. Once my order was confirmed, the shout was relayed to the head chef who wasted little time in throwing some manner of animal into boiling oil. A very tidy operation, the whole transaction taking a little under 5 mins.
Facilities overview: 3.5
Sometimes less is more, and sometimes less is just less. The cleanliness and presentation were exactly what one would expect of a local chipper, complete with high counter, large menu aided by pictorial examples, and a small waiting area.
The prices on display were clearly legible, which made a welcome change from some other restaurants where the menu has been touched up with black marker, etc and leaves the consumer guessing as to whether or not the indefinable scribble beside the curry chip option is a 4 or a 7.
That said, I felt more could be done to improve the dining out experience, perhaps a newspaper, magazine or slot machine could be provided to while away that tedious interlude between ordering and devouring your purchase.
To summarise, Id award a mark of 3.5 overall. What it does, it does well, but the little details make the difference, and they just arent there when compared to local rivals.
Doras Takeaway, Applewood:
Food quality: 5
Having whetted my appetite earlier, I decided to take it to the next level and try the battered sausage meal here. 2 large battered sausages, evenly cooked, freshly battered. Chips were quite tasty, if a little bit on the pale side. Presumably they used the local favourite Rush Queens variety of potato. http://www.bestinseason.ie/2009/07/20/celebrating-the-arrival-of-new-season-potatoes-%E2%80%93-packing-power-on-your-plate-value-for-your-pocket%E2%80%A6/
No shortage of condiments here. A plump woman with a warm smile liberally applied vinegar, followed by salt, before I graciously declined her offer of catsup to complete the meal.
Value for money: 3
7.10 for 2 large battered sausages and a large portion of chips may be a tad excessive.
Staff appraisal: 3
I mentioned communication difficulties previously. Having ordered the battered sausage meal (2 battered sausages, chips, can of choice, 8) I was surprised to have my order reduced to 2 battered sausages with large chips.
This slight hiccup was negated by the generosity of the staff in applying sal n vinigga to my order.
Efficiency of service: 3.5
Speedy and efficient, without beating the time set by their local rivals.
If we ignore the specific heat capacity of the sausage, which I would contend is miniscule relative to the temperature difference between sausage and oil, 2 sausages would have taken the same amount of cooking time as a single sausage, thus marks deducted for poor time-management.
Facilities overview: 4.5
No shortage of distraction here. Aside from the hustle and bustle of the eat-in section, and the poker machine in the corner, there is a selection of CCTV feeds of the locality for the customer to view.
The menu showed numerous changes and additions, along with several notices designed to catch the eye regarding special offers.
The availability of imported Italian wine (supposedly from the ancestral vineyard) at a discount price added an air of respectability that other establishments can only hint at.
Hygiene could not be faulted.
To summarise, Id award Doras a 4.
The little details are well taken care of here, such as the choice of the Queen potato giving the fastest cooking time and extra absorptive properties preventing the vinegar escaping through the paper bag.
Im placing greater emphasis on food quality than value for money, hence the higher overall score. I make no apologies for this.
Fingal Caf, Main St, Swords.
Food quality: 4
I was inclined to bracket the food here with the Rathbeale takeaway, in my slightly inebriated state I couldnt be certain if it tasted better or my taste buds had been affected by alcohol. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. Dropped what can only be described as an anchor this morning, so obviously soakage isnt an issue.
Value for money: 4
I cant remember how much it cost as there was a large amount of shrapnel in my pocket which was used to pay for the meal. I decided that it was worth the money, since soakage was advisable and I certainly enjoyed the chips.
Staff appraisal: 2.5
It was little late in the day, but thats no excuse for attempting to rush through an order merely to close up a few minutes ahead of schedule. Not a looker amongst them.
Efficiency of service: 4.5
As I said in the previous section, the staff could not be faulted for the speed at which they applied themselves to the task. This may not necessarily be a good thing.
Facilities overview: 3
Chippers in Swords, it seems, were all designed by the same firm of architects, (Formica, Marble and Steel) and tend to get a tad repetitive after a while. To borrow a phrase, if youve seen one, youve seen em all.
Summary: 3
Good selection available, average staff, food was indistinguishable from previous experiences.
Note:
All franchises were ignored in this instance, as the selection here can easily be judged in numerous other locations, and I felt that to do so was unnecessary and my time would be better spent sampling new chippers to further the aims of the group.
Thus McDonalds, Eddie Rockets, Abrakebabra and the various pizzerias (Apache, Four Star, Rebel) were not considered.
