The only other person I’ve heard of with the surname Porteous is Shane Porteous who was the lead actor in the Australian television drama series “A Country Practice”, a staple of Irish daytime television in the late 1980s.
I think Shane Porteous might have been a better option for Scotland tonight than his namesake.
The history of the Scotland international team is a litany of mainly glorious disaster.
1974: Going unbeaten and failing to qualify, check.
1978: Beating the eventual finalists with the goal of the tournament and still failing to qualify, check.
1982: Taking the lead against Brazil and going on to lose 4-1, check, conceding a goal to go behind with five minutes left in the crunch must win game against the USSR when two defenders crashed into each other Aidan O’Shea/Cillian O’Connor style, check, equalising in the same game but it’s too late, check.
1985/86: Jock Stein dropping dead immediately after the key result in qualification, check. Failing to beat a Uruguay team playing with ten men from the second minute, check.
1988: Qualifying their Celtic cousins by busting their arses to win win a meaningless away game against the crack Bulgarians, check.
1990: Losing to completely unfancied Costa Rica and beating a highly fancied Sweden, check. A stout performance to hold Brazil for 81 minutes before a calamitous goalkeeping mistake by Jim Leighton, check. A miss by Mo Johnston in the final seconds when it was easier to score, check.
1992: A hilarious deflected own goal against Germany, check. A thumping win in the final group game over the CIS, but they were already eliminated, check.
1996: The ball moving off its spot just as Gary McAllister was running up to take a penalty, check. Gazza wizardry, check. England conceding a late goal to eliminate Scotland, check.
1998: An own goal to lose to Brazil, check. Getting hockeyed by Morocco, check.
2021: A lobbed goal from the halfway line, Czech. Billy Gilmour testing positive for Covid and missing the crucial final group game, check. The Tartan Army being mainly banished due to Covid restrictions, check.
Scottish football is destined to forever exist in a 1970s/1980s time warp. Yellow flags, Glaswegian homeless alcoholics on the streets of London, the Home Internationals, David Coleman, songs about how they were going to win the World Cup, pitch invasions, crossbars broken down, people drunkenly falling out of trains from London to Glasgow and dying, Gregory’s Girl, the Sensational Alex Harvey Band, Jocky Wilson, Clare Grogan, cutting edge new wave and indie music, Cumbernauld town centre, crackly medium wave radio reception, Highland Toffee, Walkers shortbread, red socks, horizontal navy stripes through shorts, creaking, almost exclusively terraced stadiums with proper floodlight pylons, teak tough midfielders, genius strikers, ball playing midfielders, terrible goalkeepers.
It was Zaire that done the unbeaten Scots in 1974. Losing 9-0 to Yugoslavia. Nothing very Rumble in the Jungle about that particular effort.
Zaire at least made their mark on the World Cup forever with one of the most memorable free kicks of all time.
There was a work of genius article in Viz once, which was a training manual for Scottish goalkeepers.
Gushing praise for Che Adams! They haven’t had a genius striker since Kenny Dalglish. Lyndon Dykes could’ve portrayed the role but for his unfortunate pre-tournament injury.
Was dalgleish a striker?
More of a No.10 I suppose. We’re going back to Denis Law for a quality striker then unless Ally McCoist makes the cut!
Mclair?
Duncan Ferguson had a bit about him as well if he would have agreed to play
Grand oul’ read this.
I once spent five or six minutes deeply hungover on a train from Edinburgh to Glasgow (May 24th, 2009) listening in intently to a man standing in the aisle beside me recounting a tale of how Alex Ferguson and Walter Smith fell out over a fiercely competitive game of Trivial Pursuit they spent the plane journey back from Mexico playing. Ferguson was ahead when the plane landed, Smith was ahead when the doors of the plane opened. There was row over who was the winner and they didn’t speak again for years.
This probably DNH but who cares.
Best of luck tonight jockos. Surely you have a big chance against these chocolate munching horologists?
28 years last night since Scotland beat Switzerland in the European Nations Cup finals at Villa Park. Tonight’s game is in the Villa Park lookalike Rhein Energie Stadium in Cologne.
I find it a bit unfair on Scotland that their games against Switzerland and Hungary are both in stadiums where the opposition played their previous games whereas Scotland have to visit three different venues.
My goodness, the Scots players looked like a bunch of maniacs during Flower of Scotland there. Absolutely belting it out in an angry, frenzied, Begbiesque manner. It looks like they really want to put things right after Friday night but it could go the other way if they’re too pumped up & out of control. I predict it’ll be more the latter than the former & the Swiss will burst their bubble.
The much maligned McTominay scores.
Andy Robertson has been immense.
Scotch lead
The Scots are wired. Lads drilling wild pass backs out for corners & haring around the place. They have the early goal though.
