Tales from the brothel?

#1

Anybody any interesting stories? It’s grand because nobody knows who anybody is on here.

I’d my first brush with one today. I’m in Lijiang in south China and we’re kinda just here on a stopover on the way to trekking in Tiger Leaping Gorge. So I’d nothing to do. Decided to go for a massage and it went a little something like this.

First girl that came into the room wasn’t there for a traditional massage. She asked me to massage her boobies and wanted to give me a hand job. She got a little flustered when I removed her hand from my scrotum and left the room. Bird #2 entered and started massaging my inner thighs and asking me if I wanted the ‘special service?’ When I replied ‘no’, she said ‘yes’ and this yes-no battle went on for 5 minutes approx. They then got the picture and sent the actual masseuse in who tortured me for about 50 minutes. All in all a pretty rubbish experience but kinda funny nonetheless.

Bird #1 and #2 were hot. The actual masseuse was a munter and a brute.

#2

what are you a fucking eejit…why did you make her stop…i have a right good one about a gormless friend of mine in santa ponsa last year…its a classic…i will put it up tomorrow as i havent the time

#3

Fucking split myself laughing at that…

Why t’fuck did you go to the brothel if you didn’t want a ‘massage’?

#4

Well yes I am but for a plethora of other reasons.

I made her stop because I felt uncomfortable, wouldn’t have enjoyed it (much) and think it degrades both of us.

On a wider note though I think prostituion should be legal.

#5

[quote=“farmerinthecity”]Fucking split myself laughing at that…

Why t’fuck did you go to the brothel if you didn’t want a ‘massage’?[/quote]

Twasn’t a brothel per se Farmer. There are massage parlours all over China where you can get the full whack but they also do the ordinary stuff which was what I wanted. I thought you’d have to ask if you wanted sexy intercourse.

I was offered a hand job and oral for 200RMB (a bit less than 20 euro.) Nice.

#6

how much for them to pop the pimples on your back…

#7

Pervert.

#8

Bandage, you must have some good shit on Jugs here.

#9

How much was your actual massage with the munter?

If it was anymore than 20 euro then you are a fooking disgrace…

#10

News just reaching ClarkeyCat that Farmer has emailed everyone they mutually know to slag me for not getting a hand job.

Big Friendly Snitch.

#11

Cracking story CC. Juhy was telling me about the late night hairdressers that are dotted around Beijing.

#12

[quote=“farmerinthecity”]How much was your actual massage with the munter?

If it was anymore than 20 euro then you are a fooking disgrace…[/quote]

38 RMB ya lanky gimp.

#13

Sorry, can’t chat. I’m off for a blow dry.

#14

3 weeks in Thailand last year but never saw sight nor sound of a brothel. They’re not needed over there cos you can just pay for your women in a bar over the counter. They all will pole dance in front of you and you just make an offer to the bar manager (aka pimp) who’ll negotiate you up a few quid and then you take her home and return her whenever you’re finished.

Funny to see sleazy 60 year old men letting all the women compete against each other before bringing home some 14 year old. Also funny when you think that most of these women were men at some stage of their lives as well!

#15

Sorry, can’t chat. I’m off for a blow dry.

He actually means that he is going to get the hair on his head dried with a hairdryer as would conventionally occur at a normal hairdressers…

Just for those of you who thought he meant something else…

#16

Just had a conversation about this in the pub on Thursday night - apparently Jugs doesn’t agree with brothels.

cesc4 was telling an interesting story about his mate going down on one…

#17

[quote=“farmerinthecity”]He actually means that he is going to get the hair on his head dried with a hairdryer as would conventionally occur at a normal hairdressers…

Just for those of you who thought he meant something else…[/quote]

What you don’t get irony all the way up there in the clouds Big Top?

I think you’re just jealous that two girls touched my willy today.

#18

Is it not against the law to go abroad and not use them?

cesc4’s story was indeed a belter. His mate was boasting to all the lads about what he did with the skank and proclaimed without a hint of embarrassment that he’d gone down on her. It was almost as if he was proud of it or maybe he thought it was the norm. Anyway, the bunch of lads immediately ripped him to shreds but he still couldn’t see what was wrong with it. Even the thought of it is sick - she’d probably taken a few dozen dicks already that night and yer man’s down there munching away. Scumbag.

#19

Oh dear going down on one doesn’t sound good at all.

A few years ago in Estonia, word reached the lads that two of our number had been to a cracking little place where they don’t charge a whole lot (relatively, I suppose). So the next night we were all pissed up and 2 of the lads bowled up to what was basically someone’s gaff. Knock on the door and some auld lad goes “sex?” and they all answered in the affirmative, so he led them into the living room. It was a huge living room and in the corner was a step up to a jacuzzi. Apparently this is where they expect the punters to “warm up” so our lads whipped off the lot and hopped in. The two birds appeared from another room, two good-looking blonde sorts, but instead of going straight over to the lads and giving them a seeing to, they sat down, lit up, and began watching the Estonian version of Fair City. Being hammered, the lads shrugged their shoulders, and began chatting away about football as you do. The conversation apparently got around to the FA Cup finals of 1988 and 1989, and the lads started arguing over which was Wimbledon’s year. After about 20 minutes of this kind of carry-on a bit of perspective was swiftly brought into the conversation. Sitting in a brothel in the old town in Tallinn, in a jacuzzi, talking about 80s cup finals while the brazers watch the telly, and being charged for the privilege. So the birds were summoned and they led the boys into a room with nothing but two beds and a sink. Cracking away on the saddle having necked half a viagra jelly each, and what does one lad decide to do only carry on the FA Cup final argument. This went on for about 15 minutes, and was swiftly followed by a fit of giggles, which combined with surprising stamina, severely pissed off the prossies, and they demanded the curtain be pulled down on proceedings. One lad had done his bit, the other soldiered on for another 5 minutes but it was no use, the giggles wouldn’t stop. They were unceremoniously kicked out of the gaff and to this day they probably dread the return of the Irish perverts.

#20

Cracking story…