Drive u cuckoo
Some man. As I said to you yesterday, my Great Grandfather died in service of the British Army in WW1. Youāre some man for one man!
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So far so good
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Just got a text from the crĆØche saying thereās a measles outbreak and they are closed. Could have fell on a worse day TBF. Fucking tin foil hat wearing cunts. I hope their child is okay.
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Encourage your child to be a bully
So, the hopper in the last five days took 8 mock driving tests, passed 1, failed 5, and had two stopped by the instructor he was so bad.
He just passed his test today with not even a minor error. Nothing. Flawless. 
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8 mock driving tests?! Iād say he failed most of them just to annoy you!
I wasnāt even there. Hard to fathom tbh.
Herself organised 15 hours of lessons over 4 days. The instructor at the end told him he just couldnāt teach him anymore, that there was nothing he could do about daydreaming and stupid mistakes like missing speed limit signs, not stopping at stop signs etc. Shrug.
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Ages ago, i had him pinned for an open hearted, innocent, and happy-go-lucky sort of lad that good things would just happen to.
Are you sure heās yours?
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Big match temperament
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Took the eldest Moffat (3.5years) down to London Town yesterday. We got an early train down which got us into Euston around 9:30am. We then went to the Natural History Museum via the tube. Tickets are free and is a must for anyone bringing children and teenagers to London. You could spend the day in there. You donāt have to book but I advise as the non ticket queue was crazy.
After spending the morning there we hopped on another tube to Westminster as he wanted to see Big Ben. Obligatory photo with BB in the background to send to grandparents. We made our way towards Trafalgar Square past Downing Street where unprompted he started singing Tommy K. He insisted on getting on a bus where you get on at the back so we jumped on a random one which took us to Soho. This was handy because it allowed us to have a pit stop at The French House cc: @Malarkey where we sat beside a French man named Alain and her daughter who were having a similar day out, both children chatted away while myself and Alain chatted about the pub. From there it was time to go towards the train station. Iād booked tickets into Euston but out of Marylebone so we ended towards there. We stopped at a pizza place (Homeslice) where Moffat jnr gave a Tour de France in eating pizza. After food we jumped on another bus towards Marylebone to catch our train home. On arrival we were met by the Bayern Munich team bus who were staying in the hotel across from the station.
We stood round out there seeing if weād get a glimpse of Harry Kane or Thomas Muller but weād a train to catch. We took our seats and he drifted off before weād reached the outskirts of London.
I sat content thinking Iād done a great day of parenting.
Until he coughed himself awake and proceeded to get sick everywhere. He was covered, I was covered and the seat was covered. Managed to get to a toilet and get the sick covered clothes off him when he got sick again. It was the smallest toilet ever and I wouldnāt be known for my movement in tight spaces cc: @Fat_Pox , @peddlerscross , @endakenny but I managed to get him cleaned, me cleaned , the toilet seat cleaned and him changed.
We sheepishly made our way back to our seats where the people around gave a knowing nod and to be fair one man who works in the city as a solicitor helped sort the sick covered seat and keep the lad entertained while I packed up everything and found a clean seat.
All in all a great day. I donāt know how I do it @Fagan_ODowd
Moffat jnr was fine, the train moving and the sheer amount of pizza set him off and he spent the rest of the train journey full of chat about the day and he skipped into nursery today.
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A lovely read. The panic when they start puking. 
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Ah thats brilliant. Any parent will have sensed the danger when we reached the point in the story where you mentioned the tour de france in pizza eating.
A day out like that is savage though. I did likewise with the eldest back in the day around Dublin when he was 6 or 7 and its one of my best memories. Must log a few more like that* over the Summer actually.
*But not in Dublin as Dublin is finished
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I shocked myself in how calm I was. I wouldnāt be known for that! I was glad I had him in my arms when the second wave hit.
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It never mentions in the parenting handbook about the amount of puke and shit youāll be covered in.
Last week i got it from the dogā¦ Whatever the kids fed him. I picked him up mid heave to get him off the carpet and he puked all over me and my hands ā¦ The carpet was fine
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Dog puke is different gravy to child puke
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Iāve said it here before, but Iāll wade through a tonne of shite, but I fucking cant stand the puke.
Granted, the atonic nappy experience is something that will go with me to the grave.
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Have you watched āThe Signā yet? Iād rate it higher than āPinebarrensā.
Suspected vomiting bugā¦ I was up till 6am cleaning puke from the little lady. It started at 11pmā¦ It was just bile coming up for the last couple of hours.
Waiting for my turn now 
I fucking hate cleaning up vomit.
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