Are you wearing a wire?
@Little_Lord_Fauntleroy is where I’d look if I was looking but I’m not. Looking.
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Caffeine is. All teams take it as gels or drinks.
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Would you go to a therapist mate? I go to one about every 5 weeks. While i wouldnt take me my own life i feel that seeing a therapist regularly helps me from slipping badly into terrible lows.
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Appreciate the honesty you’re sharing with him in front of us all. Fair play, very admirable
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Sure you could buy them in the shops until some lad jumped out a window and got them banned.
No problem mate if it helps someone. More good days than bad but sure helps going to her.
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You used to post here years ago under a different username?
No, that was you
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I sure did mate. Lost my log on details and had to reregister under this username.
Jimmy?
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Yeah, Jimmy. Some memory you have.
You reached out to me on something and disappeared… Good to see things turned out ok
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Thanks mate.
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I’ve decided I’m going to give up all medication and cut all contact with mental health services. All of it is doing precisely fuck all for me and I couldn’t be arsed any more. Decided to pour myself a glass of wine just now which is the first drop of alcohol I’ve had since November 1st. I’ve not bothered with medication since Friday and forgot to take it on two or three individual days over the previous week or so before that.
Thursday night I spent three hours from around 12am to around 3am researching a suicide case I found on RIP.ie. Friday night around the same time I did the same with what looks like a similar case. Going down rabbit holes. A couple of weeks back I spent two hours researching Irish Rail reports from 2021 back to 2014 about “incidents on the line”. I chased up names, faces, clues, debated possible reasons in my head.
I had a suicide attempt 8 days ago. It was the closest I came to dying. Snapped in the space of about 0.2 seconds and within about six seconds I had run in front of a double decker bus and had it miss me by about a foot. In front of my mother.
I should be in a pub in Cork now having a third pint and debating whether to have another one before getting a bus home. Instead I’m stewing in the likely reality that I’ll ever attend another match, ever.
I think I’ll have another glass of wine now and I might go out and drink pints on my own and see where I go after that, or I might not.
There’s a peer support group 15 minutes walk down the road from me that I’ve been debating attending since December. A friend of mine is involved in it. It runs Thursday evening to Sunday evening, in Mr. Waffle opposite the hospital. I’ve never been. I won’t go tonight either. I couldn’t be arsed going back to the nurse on Tuesday who has suggested all these things I should do, and tell her I’ve done none of them. That’s what I told her last time I went. I was supposed to go to a psychiatrist at the same place last Tuesday. Didn’t go. It’s all bollocks. Everything is.
A post by a guy called Jim Parrish on a Facebook group called “I’ve had a detached retina” set me off there about half an hour ago. Jim wasn’t even posting to me, I wasn’t posting at all. I just saw his comment randomly. Thanks Jim and fuck you.
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Look after yourself pal, thoughts are with you stay tough and don’t fall into the bear pit of drink.
Best wishes pal. My thoughts are with you