The Pretend Fitness Thread


#1

Can’t honestly say that i’ve been fit since i was 16/17 playing GAA. Used to go to the gym a bit but haven’t been in months due to laziness and the only physical activity I have is playing footie for an hour once a week which isn’t even enough to counteract the effects of weekend boozing never mind contributing to fitness.

Planning on trying to reach some sort of fitness level over the next month for health reasons and more importantly the summer season of the astro league. Probably just going to start with a bit of jogging around the block a couple of nights a week but no idea how long/far i should run for, should i build it up gradually, mix in a bit of sprinting etc. Ideas welcomed.

What do people who don’t play any sport competitively do to keep/get fit?


#2

Try smoking, it’s easier then other sports.

Alternatively you could take the stairs instead of the lift, get off the bus a few stops before your stop, buy a bike, go swimming. Moi, I’m just happy being a lazy unfit bastard!


#3

Fook being fit. Might as well die having destroyed yourself instead of wasting your time and wind up being a fit dead man. Im going to become an organ donor but my organs will be so fucked they’ll be no use to anyone.


#4

One would think that with your sexual exploits of late and the amount of calories that you burn with the inordinate number of Tom Hanks you have that you should be quite fit.

Failing that buy a decent pair of runners and do a half an hour run 3 times a week for a couple of weeks to get your fat lazy body ready to train.


#5

Long time since I was properly fit too and I’ve given up on ever getting fitness back. When I was fit at around 18/19 then missed a year of sport at 20/21 but came back and got super fit for about 6 months - certainly the most fit I’ve ever been. Got injured and since then I’ve had spells of moderate fitness but they’re long since behind me too.


#6

Try jogging and to it by time. Do 20 mins the first night and then build it up. Buy yourself a good pair of runners and a watch. Do it 3 nights a week and give up white bread and pull back on the beer. Yeast in both products doesn’t help with the spare tire. give yourself a goal of running up to 90 mins, that should do the trick


#7

I’m still knackered after going forward for an injury time corner last week when we were losing 3-2 and then having to leg it back up the field when the second corner was cleared after my rasping effort from the initial one was parried behind by the 'keeper. Then we won a free kick on the edge of the box so I legged it up for that one again and asked ClarkeyCat to lay the ball off for me to strike while not having any expectations that he actually would do so. I was then surprised by his unselfish lay-off and sliced a shot horribly wide and had to leg it back up to my goal again where I nearly collapsed. It served to emphasise how ridiculously unfit I am. I don’t think I’ve ran a few laps comfortably since I was about 15 but I hated running back then anyway. I don’t mind cycling - is that any good for general fitness?


#8

In a word bandage no, there is no alternative to running if you want to get fit enough to play field sport.

As a former coach of mine famously responded to the query at pre season
" is there any alternative to running for pre season"

“yes mate, sitting on the fooking bench!”


#9

I found working on a bike couple with running helped me in the pre season. I used to cycle about 14-20kms every evening and alternate with doing a few laps running and a lot of sprints every second evening. Back in training now and it helped me a good bit. I had a decent but not great mountain bike and did a bit before winter, but got fed up of the bike and the rain so got a decent exercise bike in lifestyle that had a load of different programs and stuff like a good treadmill. It was handy then for doing cycling and watching the tv.


#10

unfortunately this all seems like hard work not to mention time consuming. i was hoping that in the few years since i stopped playing sport someone had come up with a quick fix solution.

Appendage: re your point above, exercise in quick 20 quick bursts might be ideal to sharpen up closer to the championship but this early in pre season i think longer bouts of exercise are required. Tom hanking is only good for upper body strength.


#11

I have always been unfit. Even when I was playing sport competitively I always seemed to struggle for fitness. I used to think I might have asthma or something because my lifestyle wasn’t particularly unhealthy as a teenager and I hardly drunk at that stage yet I would always struggle far more than those who had a worse lifestyle than myself.
The fittest I have ever been was probably at the end of last summer. I spent a couple of weeks eating and exercising very rigourously. Went to the gym everyday for a couple of weeks and combined running, rowing and cycling. Ended up losing the guts of a stone in three/four weeks though it would have been impossible to sustain the effort I put in over a longer period. I enjoyed the cycling far more than the other activities and though others are right in saying it is not as good as running I suppose it all depends on the effort you put in. For instance if you cycle for twice as long as you run you put in roughly the same effort provided both are done at a steady pace. I was considering buying an exercise bike a couple of months back but didn’t go through with it. Regret not getting one when I had the money though and will certainly get one in the future.


#12

Has anyone here heard of that boxercise thing? Was thinking of starting it, supposed to be a savage work out.


#13

Is that where you ride some bird for a few hours?


#14

Since last summer I’ve managed to get fit. All done basically through cycling. Very easy actitvity though can be demanding by doing hills and things. It can be good and demanding if you do hills etc and also not half as boring as running if doing it outside.


#15

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter


#16

This is a promotion video for that boxercise thing. Looks good. I’m a machine anyway so I’m sure I’d be brilliant at it.


#17

Just back out on the road today for a run, first since the Goal mile on Christmas day
Signed myself up for a 5km in 2 weeks to ensure that I get back out again this week. Once I have the back broken of it, things will be good
I actually began to build up a decent level of fitness until the baba arrived last May, that was the end of increasing fitness, I managed to get out twice a week or so over the summer and then did a 5km in Oct but since then nothing til Christmas day
A combination of minding the baba, the missus, myself, shite weather, laziness have all conspired to leave me a fat bastard again. I’m off the drink for Lent and am off skiing again on Paddy’s day so I’m hoping a few weeks exercise will leave me healthier and lighter


#18

Why not just go boxing? Club in the college and Westside or failing that throw some half arsed wums kevs way. I joined the Boxing club in my Masters year. Wished I had during the rest of that blur that was college. Superb workout. Boxercise is for women mainly afaik so maybe thats your motivation.

Was hoping to build up strength this year but gym costs a good bit here so prob wont bother. Cardio level isnt too bad as ran a bit around Xmas. Might do another triathlon but I find swimming incredibly boring. Def going to give Pilates a go. have a bit of lower back trouble and wouldnt mind getting it sorted.


#19

Easier said than done. I was never much of a jogger. maybe a martial art just to get something new and good exercise as well.

Did a session of this on friday, its wasn’t as gay looking as that video but basically its a light training session for someone who is doing boxing or martial arts perfect for keeping fit. Some punches some kicks some sit ups good fun as well.

I would share your mentality for needing something to aim at to get fit for. Find motivation tough when there is nothing to aim for, i.e. a football season or something competitive. Going in cycles for the last few years, which consists of:

Good preseason to get fit and loose about a stone
Train well and play matches up to christmas
go over board at christmas and un doo all my good work and put on about a stone
After christmas start getting fit and by the end of the season am back to full fitness and in good shape.
During the summer (close season) go mental on the beer and the kebabs and pile on the pounds until preseason rolls around again!


#20

Bunch of queers…