Whatâs black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
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Told the wife I was getting a burning sensation in my arse, and didnt know what it was⌠she said âring sting?ââŚI said âHow the fuck will he know?â
Capital letters are important.
I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse.
My sister brought home a rag mag from one of the universities in the early 1970s. It contained a joke that was so staggeringly awful that it has stayed with me word for word to this day.
A girl goes into a record shop and asks do you have Jingle Bells on a 7 inch. The assistant says sorry no but I do have Dangle Balls on a 12 inch. Thatâs not a record she replies. It nearly is says he.
What had Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senna in common?
they both had shitty helmets
Button injured after serious F1 accident
What does The Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
How do you get two whales in a car?
On the motorway
Adam Johnson signs for Man Utd after finding out they have players who are Young and Keane.
How many horses does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one big horse. As many hands make light work
Roger Federer was asked whatâs the best thing about being Swiss. He thought for a while and said âwell the flag is a big plusâ.
What did the German clock maker say to the broken clock? Ve have vays of making you tock.
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Wrong thread. Thatâs a stonewall classic.
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Whatâs a Chinese dentists favourite time? Tooth Hurty
Do people still tell jokes? I hardly ever hear them now. I remember being in the pub and lads would take turns telling them. Never happens anymore.
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Why did Mary fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
A fella I know was feeling a bit down so he rang the Iraqi Samaritans and told them he was feeling suicidal.
The guy on the other end asked him if he could drive a truck.
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Whatâs white on top and black on the bottom?
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
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