The Terrible Joke Thread

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I have decided that from the start of next week I am going to dress as a different kind of bread every day.

Roll on Monday!

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Cos if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

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In memory of Garrincha….

One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn.

I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole.

Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down…

And my wife came to the barn…

There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.

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Guy giving a lecture, on the paranormal.

Guy: “How many people believe in Ghosts?”

About 60 hands go up.

“How many have seen a ghost.?”

About 15 hands go up.

“How many have of you have spoken to a ghost.?”

3 hands go up.

“How many have had sex with a ghost?”

One hand goes up, Paddy right at the back.

Guy says to Paddy, I have been doing this for 40 years and

you are the first that has claimed to have had sex with a ghost.

Come forward and explain.

Paddy says, “sorry I couldn’t hear you from the back, I thought you said goats.”

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@admins,you need to step in here

image

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Admins not required. Those jokes are indeed in the correct thread

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I went into a pet shop and asked for a dozen bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

I said you’ve given me one too many.

The shopkeeper said that one is a freebie.

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I shall chuckle foolishly at that from time to time today.

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I bought a book on anti-gravity.
I can’t put it down……