I ripped this from batigolbelieveitornot.com
See! Definitely couldnât get in the door. It couldnât even use a streetcar to get there!
I wonder would the match be called off if there was a midget blue whale placed lengthways. Or a baby one.
A midget blue whale would be half time entertainment
2 Likes
Youâve reached your nirvana. Dad jokes about dad jokes
There was a knock on the door earlier, so I answered it. There was a policeman standing there and he said âSorry to tell you sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a busâ.
I said âwell yeah, but sheâs got a great personalityâ.
12 Likes
Got a handyman in recently and left him a list of things to do. When I got back he had ticked numbers 1, 3, 5 and 7 as being done. Rang him and he said Iâd have to get someone else for the others as he only did odd jobs.
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I. said: âDoctor, I keep getting these dizzy spells.â
He said: âVertigo?â
I said: 'No, I only live up the road.ââ
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A weasel walks in to a bar.
Says the barman âWhat can I get you?â
âPopâ goes the weasel.
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A man tells the doctor some mornings I wake up and think Iâm a wigwam, other mornings I wake up and think Iâm a teepee.
Doctor says youâre too tense
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Dustman: whereâs your bin?
Homeowner: Iâve been away on holidays
Dustman: I said whereâs your BIN?
Homeowner: I told you Iâve been away on holiday!
Dustman: no whereâs your wheelie bin?
Homeowner: well if you must know Iâve really been in prison.
2 Likes
Man goes in to the wake of a youngish man who died suddenly. Man sits down and takes out his phone.
The widow of the recently deceased is very upset.
Man goes over to her and asks for the house wifi code.
The widow bursts into fresh tears and says âoh you horrible ignorant baldy cuntâ
Man says âis that all lowercase?â
9 Likes
