The Terrible Joke Thread

I ripped this from batigolbelieveitornot.com

See! Definitely couldn’t get in the door. It couldn’t even use a streetcar to get there!

I wonder would the match be called off if there was a midget blue whale placed lengthways. Or a baby one.

A midget blue whale would be half time entertainment

Blue Whale

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You’ve reached your nirvana. Dad jokes about dad jokes

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There was a knock on the door earlier, so I answered it. There was a policeman standing there and he said “Sorry to tell you sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a bus”.
I said “well yeah, but she’s got a great personality”.

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Got a handyman in recently and left him a list of things to do. When I got back he had ticked numbers 1, 3, 5 and 7 as being done. Rang him and he said I’d have to get someone else for the others as he only did odd jobs.

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https://twitter.com/NoCapFights/status/1743927957859545450?t=UWbJPxq6G4qHeo99KjlpcQ&s=19

I. said: ‘Doctor, I keep getting these dizzy spells.’
He said: ‘Vertigo?’

I said: 'No, I only live up the road.’”

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A weasel walks in to a bar.
Says the barman ‘What can I get you?’
‘Pop’ goes the weasel.

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A man tells the doctor some mornings I wake up and think I’m a wigwam, other mornings I wake up and think I’m a teepee.

Doctor says you’re too tense

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https://twitter.com/UnoHimYerMan/status/1774878691195044203?t=9G1MZ4TWhR_vNFiDwbtk7g&s=19

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Dustman: where’s your bin?

Homeowner: I’ve been away on holidays

Dustman: I said where’s your BIN?

Homeowner: I told you I’ve been away on holiday!

Dustman: no where’s your wheelie bin?

Homeowner: well if you must know I’ve really been in prison.

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Man goes in to the wake of a youngish man who died suddenly. Man sits down and takes out his phone.
The widow of the recently deceased is very upset.
Man goes over to her and asks for the house wifi code.
The widow bursts into fresh tears and says “oh you horrible ignorant baldy cunt”
Man says “is that all lowercase?”

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