We had originally planned to meet in Dax restaurant, close to his office, but the opening hours didnât quite fit his schedule so I inform the PR woman that we will have to pick an alternative venue.
She replies some time later to say that Gerald says âDax will open for himâ. So I put in a call and drop his name. Unfortunately, they wonât.
Will never think of anything else when I see him
Did he ever sue her after I wonder
Ah here, he must have kids older than her.
Age is only a number 
If youâre looking for a May the 4th joke from me, youâre looking in Alderaan places.
A donkey is having a drink in a pub
when he spots a horse at the bar so he goes over for a chat. âWhat do you do for a living then?â asks the donkey. âIâm a racehorseâ comes the reply. âOh rightâ says the donkey, âhave you won any races then?â. âWellâ, says the horse, " on the flat Iâve won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over the jumps Iâve won the grand national & the cheltenham gold cup".
The donkey is impressed & they have a few more drinks, & eventually arrange to meet at the donkeys house a week later for a meal.
Before they meet again, the donkey feels a little inferior, what with the horse being so successful & all, so thinks heâll need to impress him when they meet up again. So after a brainwave, he goes out, buys a huge picture of a zebra & gives it pride of place in his home, hanging over the fireplace.
When the horse calls round to the donkeys house, he says, âvery nice place you have here, whoâs the zebra in the picture?â The donkey replies âthatâs not a zebra mate, thatâs me when I played for Juventusâ
My claim to fame is that I once worked in Bonoâs house.
It was a git to find though as the streets have no name.
The car his nanny drove was for sale in Limerick once.
Iâm not sure how or why, but his name was in the log book.
We didnât buy it. Our mechanic said it was sh1te.
Iâm sure some poor soul fell for it thoughâŚ
Thatâs terrible alright, but it doesnât qualify as a joke
There is no way Iâd ever name drop.
I remember the Queen saying to me that its the worst possible thing ever.
Russell Crowe and Sheryl Crowe walk into a bar. The barman dials 999 and says Iâd like to report an attempted murder.
I had to google what the joke was.
I never would have got it in a million years.
Why did the Sudanese man move to Belfast to better his life?
He wanted to get a head
I donât get it
A murder of crows
But two crows isnât a murder so itâs an attempted murder.
