Not sure this fits here but couldn’t be arsed (pun intended) starting a new thread.
As some of you may know I spent last week in Sardinia attending the wedding of some cunt.
2.20 pm and I was in a bit of a hurry for a shit and a shower and a taxi to the wedding for 3 pm but after a little wait inflicted on me by an inconsiderate room-mate I entered the salon at approximately 2.24 pm.
What happened next was nothing short of terrifying.
I sat myself in position and proceeded to rid myself of the previous night’s excesses when I encountered a problem I’d never had before. The log I needed to pass was far, far too large to emerge from my arse. Now this wasn’t a case of a tight squeeze or a hefty shit trying to worry its way out, this was a dump that didn’t even nearly fit. I was fairly well on the way to crapping before I even entered the jacks so was in no position to delay proceedings but this was twice as wide as anything I’d managed to excrete before.
If this was child birth, they’d have called it one of those breach birth things and I’d have had a caesarean straight away. There was no other conceivable way of removing the shit. Panic gripped me, I poured sweat, grimaced in pain and in complete fear and prepared to tell my colleague I’d be attending no wedding. I needed a fucking ambulance.
Whatever adrenalin flowed through my body just then saved the fucking day. I summoned up the capacity to communicate with muscles I never even knew existed. I used the inside of my arse to create a chopping motion which, after a few minutes of intensive labour, managed to carve the log into three manageable chunks. Each was passed (with enormous difficulty) in a few moments and I survived the experience. Not without pain though - I had in fact actually been raped by my own shit.
Essentially what seemed to have happened was the shit formed sideways in my bowels and tried to emerge in that position. It was only my sheer anal athleticism that allowed me to survive a harrowing experience. Let it be a warning for the rest of ye.
[quote=“Rocko”]
Essentially what seemed to have happened was the shit formed sideways in my bowels and tried to emerge in that position. It was only my sheer anal athleticism that allowed me to survive a harrowing experience. Let it be a warning for the rest of ye.[/quote]
[quote=“Rocko”]Not sure this fits here but couldn’t be arsed (pun intended) starting a new thread.
As some of you may know I spent last week in Sardinia attending the wedding of some cunt.
2.20 pm and I was in a bit of a hurry for a shit and a shower and a taxi to the wedding for 3 pm but after a little wait inflicted on me by an inconsiderate room-mate I entered the salon at approximately 2.24 pm.
What happened next was nothing short of terrifying.
I sat myself in position and proceeded to rid myself of the previous nights excesses when I encountered a problem Id never had before. The log I needed to pass was far, far too large to emerge from my arse. Now this wasnt a case of a tight squeeze or a hefty shit trying to worry its way out, this was a dump that didnt even nearly fit. I was fairly well on the way to crapping before I even entered the jacks so was in no position to delay proceedings but this was twice as wide as anything Id managed to excrete before.
If this was child birth, theyd have called it one of those breach birth things and Id have had a caesarean straight away. There was no other conceivable way of removing the shit. Panic gripped me, I poured sweat, grimaced in pain and in complete fear and prepared to tell my colleague Id be attending no wedding. I needed a fucking ambulance.
Whatever adrenalin flowed through my body just then saved the fucking day. I summoned up the capacity to communicate with muscles I never even knew existed. I used the inside of my arse to create a chopping motion which, after a few minutes of intensive labour, managed to carve the log into three manageable chunks. Each was passed (with enormous difficulty) in a few moments and I survived the experience. Not without pain though - I had in fact actually been raped by my own shit.
Essentially what seemed to have happened was the shit formed sideways in my bowels and tried to emerge in that position. It was only my sheer anal athleticism that allowed me to survive a harrowing experience. Let it be a warning for the rest of ye.[/quote]
[quote=“Rocko”]Not sure this fits here but couldn’t be arsed (pun intended) starting a new thread.
As some of you may know I spent last week in Sardinia attending the wedding of some cunt.
2.20 pm and I was in a bit of a hurry for a shit and a shower and a taxi to the wedding for 3 pm but after a little wait inflicted on me by an inconsiderate room-mate I entered the salon at approximately 2.24 pm.
What happened next was nothing short of terrifying.
I sat myself in position and proceeded to rid myself of the previous nights excesses when I encountered a problem Id never had before. The log I needed to pass was far, far too large to emerge from my arse. Now this wasnt a case of a tight squeeze or a hefty shit trying to worry its way out, this was a dump that didnt even nearly fit. I was fairly well on the way to crapping before I even entered the jacks so was in no position to delay proceedings but this was twice as wide as anything Id managed to excrete before.
If this was child birth, theyd have called it one of those breach birth things and Id have had a caesarean straight away. There was no other conceivable way of removing the shit. Panic gripped me, I poured sweat, grimaced in pain and in complete fear and prepared to tell my colleague Id be attending no wedding. I needed a fucking ambulance.
Whatever adrenalin flowed through my body just then saved the fucking day. I summoned up the capacity to communicate with muscles I never even knew existed. I used the inside of my arse to create a chopping motion which, after a few minutes of intensive labour, managed to carve the log into three manageable chunks. Each was passed (with enormous difficulty) in a few moments and I survived the experience. Not without pain though - I had in fact actually been raped by my own shit.
Essentially what seemed to have happened was the shit formed sideways in my bowels and tried to emerge in that position. It was only my sheer anal athleticism that allowed me to survive a harrowing experience. Let it be a warning for the rest of ye.[/quote]
[quote=“Rocko”]Not sure this fits here but couldn’t be arsed (pun intended) starting a new thread.
As some of you may know I spent last week in Sardinia attending the wedding of some cunt.
2.20 pm and I was in a bit of a hurry for a shit and a shower and a taxi to the wedding for 3 pm but after a little wait inflicted on me by an inconsiderate room-mate I entered the salon at approximately 2.24 pm.
What happened next was nothing short of terrifying.
I sat myself in position and proceeded to rid myself of the previous nights excesses when I encountered a problem Id never had before. The log I needed to pass was far, far too large to emerge from my arse. Now this wasnt a case of a tight squeeze or a hefty shit trying to worry its way out, this was a dump that didnt even nearly fit. I was fairly well on the way to crapping before I even entered the jacks so was in no position to delay proceedings but this was twice as wide as anything Id managed to excrete before.
If this was child birth, theyd have called it one of those breach birth things and Id have had a caesarean straight away. There was no other conceivable way of removing the shit. Panic gripped me, I poured sweat, grimaced in pain and in complete fear and prepared to tell my colleague Id be attending no wedding. I needed a fucking ambulance.
Whatever adrenalin flowed through my body just then saved the fucking day. I summoned up the capacity to communicate with muscles I never even knew existed. I used the inside of my arse to create a chopping motion which, after a few minutes of intensive labour, managed to carve the log into three manageable chunks. Each was passed (with enormous difficulty) in a few moments and I survived the experience. Not without pain though - I had in fact actually been raped by my own shit.
Essentially what seemed to have happened was the shit formed sideways in my bowels and tried to emerge in that position. It was only my sheer anal athleticism that allowed me to survive a harrowing experience. Let it be a warning for the rest of ye.[/quote]
explains the ankle injury alright…person in the next cubicle must have pulled it when it was hanging over the partition…
whatthe fook was teh wedding dinner?? muesli with all-bran covered in flaxseed in a pool of prune juice??..
