The toilets on my floor in the office have 4 traps.
I always go right down to trap 4 as it keeps me away from potentially prying eyes and ears. If I go in and there’s already someone in trap 4 then I’ll go to trap 1 to keep me as far away as possible from toxic fumes - I think this offsets the risk of being close to the door. Similarly enough if there’s people in traps 2 and 4 then I’ll go to trap 1 as it’d be reckless in the extreme to bolt into trap 3 and leave yourself open to a veritable sh*t sandwich. If 3 of the 4 traps are full then I won’t go in and make it a full house, rather I’ll go up or down to the toilets on one of the other floors. There’s just something too homoerotic about 4 men all lined up taking a dump at the same time and I don’t want any hand, act or part in it.
That build up leads me to what just happened to me a few minutes ago. I went into the toilets and there was nobody else in there so I went straight for trap 4. I was sitting there minding my own business when someone burst in and, quite inexplicably, headed into trap 3 right beside me while leaving traps 1 and 2 empty. Worse was to follow - this person, judging by the noises emanating from the trap, emptied out a great deal of excrement. Then, amazingly, he flushed, zipped and stormed out of the cubicle and subsequently out of the toilets - without even washing his hands.
I’m not sure who it was but I have two prime suspects, the main reason being they’re both from Offaly. But whichever one of them it was I’d hate to be their keyboard or pen for the rest of the day. It was disgusting behaviour and if I was in a senior enough role then I’d go down to the two of them and tell them to take their sh*t and leave - literally.
I’m in a state of severe shock here.