This is a smashing thread altogether. Apologies for joining it late but I’m gainfully employed and had work to attend to.
I’m truly struggling to believe this malarky about Farmer bottling a job. I laugh at professional sports people who bottle a putt or a penalty in front of tens of thousands of people and millions more on television. That’s pressure though. Completing an irrelevant audit for an irrelevant firm that nobody is ever going to read through again is child’s play. Losing the nerve to finish the job is incredible. I’m wondering here is there a parallel with another time when Farmer lost his nerve in a pressure situation? A few prying eyes from behind a curatain and the big man bottles another task!
I’ve never worked with Clarkey or Appendage but spent some time tutoring Bandage and I can safely say he was one of the brightest and most pleasant colleagues I worked with. He had the right balance between doing no work (95% of the time) while creating a pretence when the situation demanded it to suggest he was performing away fine. The real tricky part about auditing is that trade-off between seeming to work and not working at all. It’s all about appearances.
[quote=“farmerinthecity”]What a load of absolute cock…
How can those qualities you give to yourself in the second paragraph correspond with your behaviour in the first?
The first paragraph is a lie - you said to me on the Sunday evening that you were going to ring in sick. All that bullshit about falling over in the bathroom is horseshite. I was on the beer with you and we didn’t have much - well I didn’t think I had much
Stop licking up to Appendage
As regards us working together I never once heard a word from you during the time of this supposed poor performance - gutless bastard[/quote]
Farmer, the fact that you’ve resorted to foul language and name-calling is reflective of the same lack of professionalism you displayed so emphatically and repeatedly in our former place of employment.
I was a model employee in every way for 3 years. It was only in my last few months when I was winding down my contract that my standards slipped. Feel free to ring up Stokes Kennedy Crowley and ask for my performance reports and you’ll be mesmerised by the fawning language and unbelievable praise (admittedly, most of this is in the sections I filled in myself). You, on the other hand, were languishing as a mere also-ran in the firm from an early stage and had been pinpointed immediately as a work-shy slacker.
Farmer, I never said I fell over in the bathroom. I fell over in the hall on my way to the bathroom - please stick to the facts instead of engaging in innuendo and speculation. We were in the pub before the game from lunchtime on that fateful day watching football and retreated back there afterwards and were still drinking when the barmen were cleaning up and turfing everyone out at closing time. It was quite a session.
I don’t take sides in arguments for the sake of it. I’ve had my fair share of arguments with Appendage, as he’d no doubt admit himself, but when the man is in the right, like he is in this instance, then I have no problem agreeing with him and backing him up.
The reason you never heard a word from me was because you were so gutless that you moved your laptop down from the second floor, where I was sitting and where you had been sitting too, to hide away on the first floor. I rang you up on two or three occasions requesting you to complete certain tasks that should have taken no more than a couple of hours and you inexplicably took days to produce the work. I’d been working there for 3 years nearly at that stage and you thought I wouldn’t realise you were taking the piss. I knew very well how long it should take and still there you were giving it the ‘yeah, should have it done tomorrow but it’s taking longer than I expected’ rubbish to fob me off so you could mess. Fair enough, mess all you like if it’s only affecting you but when you’re screwing over a colleague then it’s a poor show Farmer, a poor fooking show. As Gordon Strachan says, you can only tell a player something twice and if he’s still not listening then forget about him. I gave you the courtesy of being respectful and politely asking you to help me out with some work and you didn’t reciprocate. Hence, I did what Strachan did with Gravesen - I let you rot. And it was no more than you deserved. You lazy, work-shy cad.
Farmer’s silence says it all - it really does. He simply can’t defend the indefensible.
Obviously, everything I said about my strong work ethic holds true but there was one funny occasion when Rocko and I booked a meeting room to play Brian Lara Cricket on the laptop. I think I’d taken 9 wickets and needed 1 more to win the game and you had to absolutely hammer the keys to get your bowler to fire the ball as quickly as possible. So I was belting the keyboard and then knocked over Rocko’s stumps before letting out a roar in celebration when the partner in our group opened the door having heard the commotion while walking past. Rocko was there telling him that we’d booked the meeting room to discuss some audit issues in privacy and yer man was just looking at us thinking, ‘What the fook are these wasters up to?’
I believe it was Allan Border Cricket. Same game, marketed differently in different parts of the world but Border was on our splash screen at the start. I did one 3 week audit where I did nothing for the whole audit but play test matches with my back to the wall in a meeting room and nobody to bother me.
When it came to sign-off I just hurried last year’s shit together again with some copying and pasting. Bottling it wouldn’t have entered my head.
[quote=“therock67”]I believe it was Allan Border Cricket. Same game, marketed differently in different parts of the world but Border was on our splash screen at the start. I did one 3 week audit where I did nothing for the whole audit but play test matches with my back to the wall in a meeting room and nobody to bother me.
When it came to sign-off I just hurried last year’s shit together again with some copying and pasting. Bottling it wouldn’t have entered my head.[/quote]
Seriously? Thats off the fookin wall. It has scraped away the last bit of confidence I had in accountnats.
My company have had one of big co’s in for last few months, about 6 seriosuly hot early-mid twenties chicks. Id say they are a wee bit too serious/inexperienced to be at the cricket all day though.
[quote=“dancarter”]Seriously? Thats off the fookin wall. It has scraped away the last bit of confidence I had in accountnats.
My company have had one of big co’s in for last few months, about 6 seriosuly hot early-mid twenties chicks. Id say they are a wee bit too serious/inexperienced to be at the cricket all day though.[/quote]
There was one audit Rocko and I used to do and we had to sit out on the office floor rather than having our own office or meeting room. We were struggling to get our cricket fix so we took to retiring to the office canteen where we took a seat with our backs to the wall and played to our hearts’ content. Every now and then an employee would stroll in and we’d have to stop hammering the keyboard and pause the game. Then we’d both sit there with big serious heads on us, pointing at the screen and pretending we were discussing a table of figures or a graph or having a brainstorm meeting or something. The fook would leave and we’d get back to the real game again. Suckers.
[quote=“dancarter”]site times me out very quickly if im posting, had just posted a cracking story about my own lazy work days (all in the past now) and it had timed me out when i went to submit and lost the fooking think
summary
worked in Bank as a cashier when I was young fella
Me and another pisshead girl used to be locked in a safe on Mondays so as not to frighten the customers
we got carried away in there one day when we were drunk/horny and had sex on a pile of cash (approx 300k)
-she couldnt keep the trap shut and told some other girls working there
everybody found out, I was the devil incarnate amongst the older brigade
the following Monday after a serious bender on the sunday I wasnt locked in the safe for obvious reasons I was put serving a massive queue, dying I took a big swig of lucozade and it went down the wrong way and I puked my ring into my cash drawer,
a lot of customers left the queue and went home in disgust
i was sent home
i was transferred to another branch 3 weeks later in disgrace and told basically that I had no future in the Bank
Only today I phoned the original branch to sort something out with my account as I still have my accounts there, the girl who answered the phone who I have never met, spoken to or heard of in my life said oh are you the fella who puked in the cash drawer, it was 9 years ago, it will haunt me forever[/quote]
That’s a belter of a story. Legendary behaviour.
Do other sites time you out or is it just this one? We had problems with that ages ago on older forum software but hoped it had been fixed.
Ya I had a wild streak in my younger days that hasnt fully left me, that one is plain embarrassing at this stage though.
TBH I am logged on in work (out on lock with one of IT lads one night I asked him straight out to unblock it) and I have no problem coz I have ticked to remember me etc.
I logged on at home last night and it was only on laptop that it timed me out quickly…funnilly enough loggin on at home didnt log me out at work, neat little trick
I doff my proverbial hat to that outstanding behaviour carter. The closest I have ever come to riding on a pile of cash was coming home pissed and horny on several occasions and pulling and dragging myself with loose change falling out of my pockets.
I am working in Dell for the summer and am 2 weeks into a 9 week contract
and am ready to walk!!
My job consists of placing a box into another box, scanning it, and pushing a button to send it on!! for 10 fucking hours and all while standing in the one spot!!
I am allowed my i-pod and bought a teach your self Irish thingy yesterday, as i want to improve the auld Gaeilge, but this only takes up 1 to 2 hours.
I have 5 weeks off once i finish before returning to college and plan to do 3 weeks in Morocco during this time, with the money from Dell obviously funding the adventure, but at the moment i cant even find the fucking tunnel let alone see the light…
I know it is only for a few weeks and i sound like a big girls blouse (aka Farmer) but it is mind numbingly boring and i have a week of 12 hour shifts next week!!
And yes there is lots of tottie, all fit and eastern european but they are all up the other end of the factory. All we get is the fat Irish cleaner emptying the bins, who is beginning to look good at this stage and i’ll be honest, she got into my head when i was knocking one out last night and this is just as much a worry as the Job…
Tips ,advice or counsellors all gratefully appreciated
your a fookin student you should have to wrk for free for the summer stop complaining!!
only messing. To be honest, the way the job market is your lucky to have a summer job at all, sounds like an absolute headwreck alright but what can you do.
Worked as a security guard when a student in Germany. Absolutely horrific. Shift was from 5pm to 10am with one 15 minute break and a toilet break if you asked for it. Did it for 21 days without a day off.
I’ve never been more delusional in my life. Those were consecutive 17 hour shifts all through the night and there was an hour’s commute to and from it. Had to leave for work at about 3:45 then I’d stop midway for a McDonald’s (2 burgers for the price of 1) and get to work for 5. Work until about 1 a.m. (I had a patch to guard filled with car stuff that was no more than 50 metres squared) and then take a 15 minute break which usually just involved going for a walk (not outside because it was snowing). Then back to work, eat some crackers and drink some caffeine stuff that I’d bought on my “lunch” break and get mindblowingly bored just staring into space. I used to talk to myself, write songs, write short stories*, write poems, invent games, I pretty much just went mad. There were 3 Irish lads that did it (not within speaking distance of eachother) and we all went a touch insane.
Finish up at 10am get a train back to McDonald’s, get 2 more burgers for the price of 1, get home just after 11 and sleep for 4 hours until just after 3. Then up again for the same shite again. It was actually incredible how long it took to get round to 10am again. It felt like a fucking lifetime every night. I’ve never ever experienced anything like that since.
I’m not a great sleeper but since I did that job it doesn’t bother me at all. Anytime I can’t sleep I just imagine how worse it would be if I was standing in that Messehall watching over a few BMWs and a few vintage clutches (who the fuck would want to steal a clutch in the dead of night from a locked building?). And I thank my lucky stars.
I did write one superb short story though in my mad state. It was two columns and basically was three stories rolled into one. Read the left hand column and it told a story. Read the left hand column and it told a different story. And then read across the lines instead reading down in columns and it told a third story that was actually a bit like the first two stories but with a twist at the end that tied the two other stories together. Lost it though.
thank god the club championship is starting this weekend and i am being placed under no pressure to get a job…you gotta love the student loan…
dan you worked in a bank you might know…the bank would hardly go chasing me over €4500, my credit might take a small bit of a hammering but sure wouldnt it be worth it to…have about €800 paid back but havent contributed to the loan in 4 months because i couldnt be arsed and i have yet to hear anything off the bank…
CM, the end justifies the means - if you want to go to Morocco for 3 weeks then you’ll probably have to grin and bear it for the next while. As Rocko says, you could come up with games in your head or something to try to pass the time. I suggest a simple go from ‘A-Z’ and try to come up with song titles beginning with each letter and then repeat over. Then do it for films or football players or whatever you’re into and it might take your mind off the mind-numbingly boring crap you’re doing.
I’d an assembly line type job when I was 18 or 19 and it involved working from about 8pm - 4am 3 nights a week down in People Newspapers in Wexford. It involved grabbing the newspapers off the printing presses, flicking them open and throwing the TV guide into the middle and firing them on down the line to be packed and then collected by the delivery men. Tuesday night was for the Wexford titles as they were out on Wednesday (Wexford People, Enniscorthy Guardian, Gorey Standard and New Ross Standard). Then Wednesday night was for the other People Group titles around Leinster that were out on Thursday (The Carlow People, The Bray People and The Wicklow People). And Thursday night was for throwing crap into the middle of Ireland’s Own magazines.
It was sick down there with the heat from the printing presses, the smell of the place and your hands would be black from the newsprint. Worst was when the machine would stall and you’d be standing there waiting for about half an hour, looking down at the first pile of Gorey papers while knowing that all the Wexford, New Ross and Enniscorthy ones were still to come.