That second one is fantastic
7k likes, some people need to cynical themselves up a bit. I feel TFK could provide a public service in that regard
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Noam wouldnât be my ideal companion on the 12 pubs of Christmas circuit.
You wouldnât want to be inviting the young fella either by the sounds of it
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The 8 year old?
Heâs like a dashing version of Louis Theroux
I think Iâm gonna make up one of those ludicrous things my kids said tweets on my personal account to see if it gets posted here.
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I was in Morrisons doing some shopping today when Megan called me. She was out with her friends and said âMum, one of the boys said Russia is about to enter the UK and start fighting us, so weâre really scaredâ.
Well, Iâm not sure what anyone around me shopping thought about my explanation to a bunch of 11 year olds about Russia and Ukraine, but it went something likeâŚ
After the last BIG playground fight (WW2), lots of popular kids (WORLD LEADERS) got together and made a big gang (NATO), and all the kids in the gang made a pinky promise (TREATY) to be nice and respectful and not fight each other anymore.
This means not going into each otherâs part of the playground (COUNTRY) without permission, and not throwing sticks or stones (HEAVY ARTILLERY) at each other, and the UK is part of the gang.
But then a new kid (UKRAINE) joined the playground, and a big bad bullly (RUSSIA) started picking on the new kid, all because he is greedy and bossy and wanted the new kids playground space for himself, even though he has one of the biggest spaces in the playground.
But sadly, the new kid is not part of the gang because the big bad bully didnât want the new kid to join the gang.
We would be breaking our pinky promise if any of the gang members help the new kid fight the bully.
We have all told the bully off, and stuck up for the new kid by hiding the bullyâs pocket money until the bully stops hurting the new kid (SANCTIONS) and this will hopefully stop the bully from buying more sticks and stones.
We have also given the new kid lots of our own sticks and stones to fight the bully, because this is not breaking the pinky promise!
Even though it is really, really sad, all we can do now is stand on the edge of the playground and watch and give moral support to the new kid, because we are not allowed to fight the bully for them, not without breaking the pinky promise.
BUT⌠if the bully breaks the pinky promise and comes into our part of the playground (UK) without permission and throws a stick or stone at us, then the whole of the gang (NATO) will come and help us, and we will ALL jump on top of the bully (RUSSIA) and beat him up. 
Now donât worry anymore sweetheart, just go and play nicely together in the sunshine and donât get up to any trouble. 
.
via yvette Dawson Phillips
42k likes that has. No wonder the west is fucked
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The other one from our pal Ann-Marie above is now at over 100,000 likes.
Lovely summation. Youâve a great way of writing
All both are missing is âthen everyone in the shop clappedâ
She also left out the bit about if all the kids gang up on the bully heâll pull out a machine gun and kill everyone in the school
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Thatâs the worst thing Iâve read in a long time. Her 11 year old probably told her to fuck off with that story.
Corrected that
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Jesus but the world if fucked. These half-with with makey-uppy yarns all in pursuit of love and attention.
A week or two spreading and footing turf would give them a different view of things.
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This doesnât seem like a conversation an 11 year old boy would have with their mother, but itâs a different generation to mine I suppose 
Let him know Doireann Garrihy is on 2FM between 6 am and 9 am each day.
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Morning Ireland and Newstalk have female DJs on each morning
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Jennifer has deleted her tweet