II was at a sales training last week and we were told that if you “assume” something…you make an ass of U and me.
That’s a golden oldie.
The new buzz phrase in work is ‘opening the box’. It relates to anyone from a client, solicitor, other bank looking to change something that’s provisionally agreed.
‘Ah typical, they’re opening the box again.’
Fuck off.
:lol:
today we were reveiewing data that was represented in one of those manhattan skychart bar graph type arrangements.
one data set was elevated and some goon made the point that " you guys have really been hitting the ball out of the park lately"
fook off
afterwards the lads who had hit the ball out of said park were then asked was there any " low hanging fruit " that could be elimianted to help us do an “apples to apples” comparison of the data minus the outliers.
i went very quiet for a few minutes…
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this is just a 5000m view
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no need to boil the ocean with it
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we need to find out who’s who in the zoo
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low hanging fruit
These are the kind of phrases I hear on a daily basis. Great words like generic, deltas etc get thrown in regularly too. I must actually check the dictionary to see what they mean.
Was at a meeting today where we were being advised about a takeover opportunity for one of our customers. So they were saying that this potential acquisition seemed like a good opportunity and the negotiations were progressing well, due diligence reports were all positive etc etc but you couldn’t be completely sure how well it’ll fit into our customer’s group until they actually go ahead and complete the purchase. At this stage, one of the lads piped up with ‘It’s like you’ve just bought the ticket to the beauty pageant but you’re waiting to see how pretty all the ladies are’.
Again, I do not lie. :guns:
what do you work as?
sickening
I honestly dont know how you go to work.
Does everyone in there go in for this kind of bullshit or do others see what a load of cock is being talked.
I was at a conference over in the UK there last month. The chair of the meeting, an annoying bint from SE London was rabbiting on about the different sites we were there to talk about, then she said "we don’t need to worry about the Bristol site, they’re okay, they can wash their own face.
What the fuck, just say that they are doing well and looking after things you cockney cunt!
Yeah but I’d say the Cork site can’t wash themselves at all.
“They took the batteries out of the smoke alarm” was one I used myself recently. I must say I find this sort of jargon grating when used by others but can’t help myself sometimes.
I was brought over to show the Brits how to do things right Flano. The Cork site is full of alright sorts 
A colleague, who is a bit of a clown really, was sent on a two day management conference lately… since his return we have been treated to…
‘low hanging fruite’
‘flying it up the flagpole’
‘thumb in the air’
‘silver bullets’
He keeps using them in the wrong contexts though, so it hilarious. This morning he said that he hope that we have a full crop of low hanging fruits before month end… idiot.
One from a conference call with another bank today:
‘They’re the meat in the sandwich and we’re playing a game of tennis around them too.’
Translation: The two banks need to stop fucking the customer around.
No word of a lie.Manager said to me today."ok you are going to touch base with her, then you should have enough information to tee it up and after that we will probably park it.
I can’t help but picture a sandwich on a tennis court with two lads playing around it. That would be a youtube sensation.
Maybe a giant beef sandwich as the net
I was actually thinking that but that would be outrageous. Although one of those subs that Bart ordered in the Simpsons would do the trick.
Was at a presentation in work this morning and no jargon but a great quote “We must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”
Ah no, did they actually do the full quote?! What was the reaction?