Annoying Office Jargon - Part III

Was it you giving the presentation?

Nah bro, I don’t function too well at 8am. There was mention of a question some guy got asked at an interview “How many barbers are there in Chicago?” the freak actually work it out to within 200. That’s what you get with a quantitative analyst I suppose.

I promised a client we would circle back on another issue once we had closure on the current issue this morning. I like it as it allows you to put things off and maybe get away with not doing them.

[quote=“briantinnion, post: 68201”]
I promised a client we would circle back on another issue once we had closure on the current issue this morning. I like it as it allows you to put things off and maybe get away with not doing them.[/quote]

:clap:
we are going to circle the wagons later i believe to touch base on a particular design issue we are having at the moment, id say this is similar to what BT has alluded to above , A come to jesus session may be needed later if a real smoking gun is found and we need someone to own up for their error.

Puke in the Munster U-21 Hurling thread:

I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water all the same lads

Was told yesterday that I need to be more of a change agent and drive standardisation.

Please advise.

i was told today that i need to watch out for any “slippery balls been thrown from he side” duringan upcoming ISO audiit of a radar system we are trying to design here,
the same coont who came out with this shocker regularly illunimates conversations with such classics as " milk been spilt", “missing the bus”, and the one i hate the most of all, “you guys need to take a look at this thru a different lens to see what is going on”…

I was at a meeting the other day where the customer was explaining how they received grant aid in principle a few years ago but the funding they are due must be used for the approved project by the end of 2011 or the grant approval will lapse and they will no longer be eligible to receive the funds. Anyway, he blurted out the following before chuckling away to himself:

“It’s a bit like what you often hear rugby referees say - we need to use it or lose it!”

I stared at him and then looked away in disgust.

He chuckled to himself.

We have a ‘townhall meeting’ this afternoon.

Go fcuk yourselves.

Do we work together? :blink:

I had a call this morning where we discussed a new requirement and the chap said “well we haven’t seen one yet so we don’t really have a cookie-cutter”. Just say template mate.

Not office jargon as such but the following words are all bullshit and are utilised far too frequently

conditioning - as in fitness - in my day conditioning was what women did with their hair

adjustment - as in “fiscal adjustment” - the word you are looking for Brian is “cut” - or pehaps the phrases “slash and burn” or “rape the country” might be more appropriate

correction - see above explanation

“we are in danger of over egging the pudding”

No you fat bastard, there is no pudding, there are no eggs, and this here is nine iron.

“front loading”

dont mind the phrase conditioning as there are many different types of fitness and it relates more to the toning of the muscles.

Deep dive - no it’s nothing to do with scuba, muff diving etc

Cloud computing is a ridiculous phrase too

I was in a meeting this morning and told the team that there was a need for more “granularity” in their review of data.

That’s not a phrase, that’s just a thing. It is what it is.

If you soak your muscles in a warm bath full of Wash and Go I suppose that could be described as muscle conditioning.

you are some idiot.