Classic Simpsons Quotes


Lisa is one of the best characters in the Simpsons.

There. I said it.


[QUOTE=“Julio Geordio, post: 936949, member: 332”]From the Lil Lisa Episode. Most of the lisa episodes are shit but Burns makes this one.

Recycling is useless, Lisa. Once the sun burns out, this planet is doomed. You’re just making sure we spend our last days using inferior products.

I’ll keep it short and sweet.
Family, religion, friendship.
These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
When opportunity knocks, you don’t want to be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church.

You never heard of recycling? It means to reuse things to conserve our natural resources.
Oh, so Mother Nature needs a favor.
Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys.
Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she’s losing.
Well, I say hard cheese.

Oh, don’t pooh-pooh a nickel, Lisa.
A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel- with enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds.[/QUOTE]


That is brilliant!!


When Lisa drinks the water at Duff Gardens and trips out “I am the lizard queen!”


Bart: Lisa, I have this strong unpleasant feeling I’ve never had before.

Lisa: It’s called remorse, you vile burlesque of irrepresible youth.

Bart: How do I make this feeling go away?

Lisa: You get a brush and you scrub harder than you have ever scrubbed in your life.


[QUOTE=“farmerinthecity, post: 936953, member: 24”]Lisa is one of the best characters in the Simpsons.

There. I said it.[/QUOTE]

I think she is a great foil for funny moments without having many herself

Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Lisa: I still stand by my beliefs. But I can’t defend what I did. I’m sorry I messed up your barbeque.

Homer: I understand honey. I used to believe in things when I was a kid.

[BCOLOR=rgb(255, 255, 255)]Homer[/BCOLOR]: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say ‘Yo Goober! Where’s the meat?’. I’m trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad.

Homer: Marge? Since I’m not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won’t be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin’ your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you’re ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you’re not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa’s the one you’re not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
Lisa: Why don’t you just eat him, Dad?
Homer: I don’t need any serving suggestions from you! You barbeque-wrecking, know-nothing know-it-all!

Principal Skinner: Uh oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie! Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
Groundskeeper Willie: I warned ya! Didn’t I warn ya? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself.

Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I’ll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage. When pigs fly!
[both Burns and Smithers start laughing, but then a pig flies by their window]
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
Mr. Burns: Hmm, no I’d still prefer not.

Thats also the episode with the Troy McClure “Don’t kid yourself Jimmy” cut away.
A great episode actually.


Homer:Sunrise, Sunset, Sunrise, Sunset, Cats and the cradle and the silver spoon. Yes, we have no bananas. (starts sobbing)
Marge: Aw, Homie, it’s sweet [BCOLOR=rgb(255, 255, 255)]Bart[/BCOLOR] is going on a date.
Homer: No, it’s not that, they have no bananas.


:clap:That scene sums up the absolute genius of the show.


“Goodnight Springton, there will be no encore”


Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about my busy hands. Not so much for myself, but I am so respected, it would damage the town to hear it.


Class. The inflection he puts on the end of his ‘good night’ immediately afterwards cracks me up as well.


‘Travel the world on the seven seas, I am watching you through a camera’


[QUOTE=“farmerinthecity, post: 936953, member: 24”]Lisa is one of the best characters in the Simpsons.

There. I said it.[/QUOTE]

Yup, this sums you up.


[During “The Future of Reading” event]
Kent Brockman: Alright, does anyone have a question for our panel that’s not about how much money they make? [the audience’s hands go down]
Lenny: [at the microphone] Uh yeah, I’m a techno-thriller junkie, and I’d like to know, is the B-2 bomber more detectible when it rains?
Kent Brockman: Oh, what do you think, Tom Clancy?
Tom Clancy Well, the B-2…
Lenny: No, no, no, I was asking Maya Angelou!
Maya Angelou: The ebony fighter awakens, dabbled with the dewy beads of morn.
Moe: Maya Angelou is black?
Maya Angelou: It is a Mach-5 child, forever bound to suckle from the shriveled breast of Congress.
Lenny: Oh, Maya, you’re a national treasure!


We’ll take the spruce moose!


Leave Springfield?

But we have family and friends here. And library cards. Bart’s lawyer is here.


I said step, pause, turn, pause, pivot, step, step.
Not step, pause, turn, pause, pivot, step, pause.
Aw, shudder!


L - The losers in her wake
I - The income she will make
T - Is for her tooth filled mouth
T - Is for her tooth filled mouth


Ok we need vigilante nicknames. I’ll be Q-ball, skinner can be 8 ball, Barney can be 12 ball, and Moe you can be Q-ball.


So I said, "Look buddy, your car was upside-down when I got here. And as for your grandmother, she shouldn’t have mouthed off like that.