Sure, I might offend a few of the blue noses with my cocky stride and musky odors-o I’ll never be the darling of the so called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues and stroke their beards and talk about’What’s to do with Homer Simpson?’
[quote=“Gman”]found that email of Homer quotes. Its a bit longer than I remembered!
…
[/QUOTE]
You got that right!
West Springfield, that’s three times the size of Texas.
Ned Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn’t have happenned to see them, by any chance?
Shelbyville Guy #1: Sounds like Springfield’s got a discipline problem.
Shelbyville Guy #2: Maybe that’s why we beat them at football nearly half the time.
[quote=“The Runt”]Ned Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn’t have happenned to see them, by any chance?
Shelbyville Guy #1: Sounds like Springfield’s got a discipline problem.
Shelbyville Guy #2: Maybe that’s why we beat them at football nearly half the time.[/QUOTE]
#1 If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?
#2 Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Bart: [whining] Mom, my slingshot doesn’t fit in these pockets.
And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These
uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: [on phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night.
They just plain sucked! I’ve seen teams suck before, but
they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Marge: Homer! Watch your mouth!
Homer: Aw, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening.
I think I used this on a seperate thread ages ago but it really is one of my favourite scenes in the Simpsons. It on Sky2 last night.
Bart: I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you, Krusty, but you know, my mom says God never closes a door without opening a window.
Krusty: No offense, kid, but your mom’s a dingbat! There’s no silver lining here. I was a big cheese. A huge cheese!
And now look at me!
I got to ride the bus like a schnook.
I got to live in an apartment like an idiot!
I have to wait in line with a bunch of nobodies to buy groceries from a failure!
Bart: It doesn’t matter what you did wrong, though, as long as you’re on TV people will respect you.
Krusty: [spits] Bah. What good is respect without the moolah to back it up.
Everywhere I go I see teachers driving Ferraris, research scientists drinking champagne.
I tried to drink a Coke on the bus, and they took away my pass!
[breaks a bottle of scotch]
Marge: Sting, you look tired. Maybe you should take a rest.
Sting: Not while one of my fans needs me.
Marge: Actually, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard Bart play one of your albums.
Homer: Shhhh. Marge, he’s a good digger
Marge: Daddy? Daddy, where are –
Daddy: So, who wants pre-flight cookie? Fig Newtons? Hydrox?
Marge: Daddy? Aah!
Daddy: Don’t look at me. DON’T LOOK AT ME!
[quote=“Flano”]At Inspiration Point, Artie starts pawing Marge, and she slaps him when
he tears her dress. Marge asks to be driven home. Homer walks home.
Marge sees Homer walking along the road as she is driven home.
Artie: Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about my busy hands.
Not so much for myself, but I am so respected, it would damage the TOWN to hear it.[/QUOTE]
[quote=“Flano”]Marge: Daddy? Daddy, where are –
Daddy: So, who wants pre-flight cookie? Fig Newtons? Hydrox?
Marge: Daddy? Aah!
Daddy: Don’t look at me. DON’T LOOK AT ME![/QUOTE]
These two are outstanding.
The Cat Burglar episode is a genuine classic though:
Lisa: We are insured, aren’t we, Mom?
Marge: Homer, tell your child what you bought when I sent you to town to get some insurance.
Homer: Curse you, magic beans!
Marge: Oh, stop blaming the beans.
Homer: Hello, Police? Are you sitting down? Good! I wish to report a robbery.
Wiggum: [bored] A robbery, right. Thanks for the report. [hangs up] That’s another one, Lou…723 Evergreen Terrace. [Looks at a map with the robbery locations marked on it]
Well, there doesn’t seem to be any pattern yet, but if I take
this one and move it here…and I move these over here…hello!
It almost looks like an arrow!
Lou: Hey, look, Chief: it’s pointing right at this police station.
Wiggum: Let’s get out of here!
Kent: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn’t saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it’s time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.
Homer: OK, we’ve got the secret vigilante handshake. Now we need code names. I’ll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-Ball, Barney will be Twelve-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball.
Moe: You’re an idiot.
Homer: So I said to him, “Look, buddy, your car was upside down when we got here. And as for your Grandma, she shouldn’t have mouthed off like that!”
Kent: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty
vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.
Kent: I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it’s been preventing?
Homer: [amused] Oh, Kent, I’d be lying if I said my men weren’t
committing crimes.
Kent: [pause] Well, touche’.
Kent: Well it looks like we have our first caller…and I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show. Hello, you’re on the air.
Man: Hello, Kent. Hello, Homer - my arch-nemesis.
Homer: Y’ello.
Man: You do realize who this is?
Homer: Uh…Marge?
Homer: “Asleep at the switch”? I wasn’t asleep, I was drunk!
Bart: I believe you, Dad.
Malloy: I sincerely regret any inconvenience that I may have caused. And although I have stolen your material goods, let me assure you that your dear town has stolen my heart.
Everyone: Aw!
Skinner: Oh, he’s so charming.
Barney: Let’s let him go!
Everyone: Yeah!
Wiggum: Oh, sorry folks. [sarcastic] Gee, I really hate to spoil this little love-in, but Mr. Malloy broke the law. And when you
break the law, you gotta go to jail.
Quimby: Uh, that reminds me, er, here’s your monthly kickback.
Wiggum: You just - you couldn’t have picked a worse time.
Kent: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for
some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely
what the danger is, would you say it’s time for our viewers to crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Mmm, yes I would, Kent.
Quimby: I guess we’re not going to find anything.
Otto: Um, how are we going to get out of here?
Homer: We’ll dig our way out!
Wiggum: No, dig up, stupid.
They don’t make then like that anymore…
Cracking episode alright…That one right there is one of my all time favourites
Wiggum: “Bake em away toys”.
Classic. I’ve used it myself.
Yours in learning,
GSH.
Faith: These are special VIP badges. They’ll get you into places other tourists never see.
Homer: Miss, what does the I' stand for? Faith: Important. Homer: Ooh. How about the V’?
Faith: Very.
Homer: Oh. And Miss, just one more question.
Faith: Person.
Homer: Ah… What does the `I’ stand for again?
These are off the top of my head so apologies if they are not perfect:
Lisa: ‘Dad, can you remember why you entered me in this competition in the first place?’
Homer: ‘I don’t know. Was I drunk?’
Lisa: ‘Possibly’
Marge discovers Homer’s gun and walks out on Homer with Bart, Lisa and Maggie leaving Milhouse with Homer.
Homer: Do you know how to cook dinner?
Milhouse: DO I!!! (goes rooting for pots and pans in the kitchen).
The one with the phoney kidknapping of Larry Burns:
Wiggum to Burns: When the kidknapper calls tell him to pick up the cash under the big net in the park.
Lou: And then the net will fall down on the kipknapper Chief?
Wiggum: Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy!! I like it! I like it a lot!
Maybe for once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene’.
I’m going outside to… stalk… Lenny and Carl.
Mr. Burns
Oh, Tuttle’s Sunday trousers. Fear not, I’ll get you to a hospital… the only way I know how. Smithers, you infernal ninny, stick your left hoof on that flange, now! Now, if you can get it through your bug-addled brain, jam that second mephitic clodhopper of yours on the right doodad! Now pump those scrawny chicken legs, you stuporous funker!
Wadlow: Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall.[turns Nelson to face the car] This was the largest auto that I could afford. Am I therefore to be made the subject of fun?
Ah now there’s a thread to rip the piss out Farmer already set up.