Classic Simpsons Quotes


#161

mate, as your friend I plead with you to stop posting on this thread.

The simpsons havent been funny in 15 years


#162

No cape feare??? :eek::confused: no sideshow bob

The rake scene is a classic

Love this quote from funeral for a fiend

Dr. Robert Terwilliger, Sr. (John Mahoney): East bids two hearts.Gino: Three diamonds.Snake: Three clubs! {he clubs them over the head}Cecil (David Hyde Pierce): The joke’s not funny and the bid’s not sufficient. - See more at: http://www.planetclaire.org/quotes/simpsons/season-nineteen/#sthash.2cREG115.dpuf


#163

[quote=“The Wild Colonial Bhoy, post: 860621, member: 80”]mate, as your friend I plead with you to stop posting on this thread.

The simpsons havent been funny in 15 years[/quote]
Appreciate the concern, pal but this is the Classic Simpsons Quotes thread not the new shit simpsons quotes thread so I am happy to contribute in my own small, but meaningful way.


#164

[quote=“artfoley, post: 860623, member: 179”]No cape feare??? :eek::confused: no sideshow bob

The rake scene is a classic

Love this quote from funeral for a fiend

Dr. Robert Terwilliger, Sr. (John Mahoney): East bids two hearts.Gino: Three diamonds.Snake: Three clubs! {he clubs them over the head}Cecil (David Hyde Pierce): The joke’s not funny and the bid’s not sufficient. - See more at: http://www.planetclaire.org/quotes/simpsons/season-nineteen/#sthash.2cREG115.dpuf[/quote]

The terror lake episode is fantastic.

“hello M.r Thompson”…

That and the Hank Scorpio one…

“Homer, if you could kill someone on the way out that would really help me out a lot”


#165

[quote=“glasagusban, post: 860603, member: 1533”]Beer baron probably gets into top 5 alright. Along with stampy the elephant, the movementarians, and soft ball. Maybe the johnny cash talking coyote episode too.

Bart “So anyway, I says to Mabel says I…”[/quote]

The one where Homer goes into space is pretty damn perfect as well.


#166

‘If it’s tangy and yella, you got juice there fella!!’

I came to appreciate Ned Flanders much more as I got older. Great character.


#167

[quote=“count of monte cristo, post: 860630, member: 348”]The terror lake episode is fantastic.

“hello M.r Thompson”…

That and the Hank Scorpio one…

“Homer, if you could kill someone on the way out that would really help me out a lot”[/quote]
Ah shit I forgot hank Scorpio. Back to the drawing board!

“Ever see a man say goodbye to his shoes before?”
“yes once.”


#168

“What if he doesn’t show?”
“He’ll show.”
“How’s that?”
“He’s a catburglar.”
Duuummmm da dum dum!


#169

[quote=“glasagusban, post: 860651, member: 1533”]“Ever see a man say goodbye to his shoes before?”
“yes once.”[/quote]

I was just going to post that. Classic!


#170

You see me and Schindler are like peas in a pod. We both own factories, we both made shells for the Nazis but mine worked damn it!!


#171

Very hard to pick a favourite, but Hank Scorpio, the Beer Baron, the Thompsons, the Monorail, the burlesque house, Mr. Plow, the Lemon Tree, the Greyhounds. There are probably ten better ones I’ve left out. It was some show in fairness.

Marge: And where’s all that liquor coming from? Homer: It’s a party, Marge, it doesn’t have to make sense.

Marge: How’s Bart’s tutoring going?

Lisa: Mom, the only thing Bart’s tutoring is guerilla warfare in Shelbyville.

Marge: Come again?

Lisa: Mom, Bart went with a bunch of kids to go wage war on Shelbyville.

Marge: Homer, come quick. Bart quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!

Bart Simpson: Oh, it’s no use I’m never gonna find that tree, this whole raid was a useless as that yellow lemon shaped rock over there. Wait a minute, there’s a lemon behind that rock, the tree!

Homer: There’s a $10,000 bill in it for you.

Barney: Oh yeah? Which president is on it?

Homer: Um, all of them. They are having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch.

Marge: Homer, there’s a man here who thinks he can help you.

Homer: Batman?

Marge: No, he’s a scientist.

Homer: Batman’s a scientist.

Marge: It’s NOT Batman.

Marge: What if something goes wrong?

Homer: Pffft… what if. What if I’m taking a shower and I slip on a bar of soap? Oh my god, I’d be killed!

Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?

Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.

Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on third.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Hank Scorpio: There’s Hammocks-R-Us, that’s on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.

Homer: Mm-Hmm.

Hank Scorpio: That’s on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot… Matter of fact, they’re all in the same complex; it’s the hammock complex on third.

Homer: Oh, the hammock district!

Hank Scorpio: That’s right.


#172

That hammock quote is genius.

Marge: but we can’t afford to buy a pony.
Homer: Marge with today’s oil prices we can’t afford not to buy a pony!

Homer: your pro-mop anti-horse agenda has been clear for some time.


#173

Brother from the Same Planet is a brilliant episode as well

Bigger Brother employee: And what are your reasons for wanting a little brother?
Homer’s brain: Don’t say revenge, don’t say revenge!
Homer: Eh… revenge?
Homer’s brain: That’s it, I’m gettin’ outta here!
[sounds of someone walking down stairs and slamming a door. ]

Bart: Remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed, “I’m a hemophiliac!” and when he let you go, you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Yeah.
Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
Homer: Sure, boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That’s when it’s time to kick some back. And then when he’s lying down on the ground…
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Kick him in the ribs.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: Step on his neck.
Bart: Yeah.
Homer: And run like hell.


#174

Trillion Dollar Bill is another classic.

Burns: ‘Take me to General Bastista, your leader’
Man: ‘Bastista was killed years ago. There’s another man in charge now’
Burns (to Homer): Did you know that had happened to General Bastista?
Homer (genuinely shocked): I had no idea!!

Castro: May I see (the trillion dollar bill)?
Burns: Oh no - you see with your eyes.
Homer: I think we can trust the President of Cuba
(Burns gives Castro the bill)
Burns: Now give it back.
Castro: Give what back?


#175

McBain: “But captain, how do you expect me to avenge my partner’s death with this pea-shooter?” (puts small pistol on desk and holds up huge gun)

Police captain: “I don’t wanna hear it McBain! That cannon is against regulations! In this department we go by the book!” (holds up book, which McBain shoots and blows hole through wall)

McBain: Bye book!!


#176

[quote=“farmerinthecity, post: 862393, member: 24”]McBain: “But captain, how do you expect me to avenge my partner’s death with this pea-shooter?” (puts small pistol on desk and holds up huge gun)

Police captain: “I don’t wanna hear it McBain! That cannon is against regulations! In this department we go by the book!” (holds up book, which McBain shoots and blows hole through wall)

McBain: Bye book!![/quote]
Mendooozzaaaaaa!!!


#177

[quote=“farmerinthecity, post: 862393, member: 24”]McBain: “But captain, how do you expect me to avenge my partner’s death with this pea-shooter?” (puts small pistol on desk and holds up huge gun)

Police captain: “I don’t wanna hear it McBain! That cannon is against regulations! In this department we go by the book!” (holds up book, which McBain shoots and blows hole through wall)

McBain: Bye book!![/quote]

It means he gets results, you lousy chief!


#178

Anyone else notice how McBain changed from clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry to Schwarzeneger?

“Billy’s dead McBain! They slit his throat from war to ear.” “Jeez chief I’m trying to have lunch.”


#179

[quote=“glasagusban, post: 862414, member: 1533”]Anyone else notice how McBain changed from clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry to Schwarzeneger?

“Billy’s dead McBain! They slit his throat from war to ear.” “Jeez chief I’m trying to have lunch.”[/quote]

That was McGarnical not McBain


#180

[quote=“glasagusban, post: 862414, member: 1533”]Anyone else notice how McBain changed from clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry to Schwarzeneger?

“Billy’s dead McBain! They slit his throat from war to ear.” “Jeez chief I’m trying to have lunch.”[/quote]

:rolleyes: