Coffee thread, aka a thread for spoofers

It sounds immense. Apart from being ‘immediate’ how would you describe the coffee?

Enhanced.

There’s an enhanced immediacy to it.

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Sounds unrale…you mean like a sort of right now immediacy?

Turns out the secret ingredient was rat droppings

@glenshane
My coffee machine is giving me trouble, pressure building up in the basket and the coffee isn’t getting through, I’ve descaled and cleaned all the parts,
Anyway that’s not the issue,
It’s under warranty, I’m thinking of moving up to a better machine, it’s a delongji dedica, 15 bar I think, costs about 240 I think
My question is, if I spend double that will I get a smoother (stronger) espresso closer to what you’d get in the best coffee shops? What is the secret?

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This has been the entry level ‘prosumer’ machine for years…no gimmicks, digital displays etc. Just rock solid pump, heavyweight metal parts, proper portafilter etc. It’s probably as good as anything costing up to 1k. It could last a lifetime so long as you descale it
https://www.coffeeitalia.co.uk/rancilio-silvia-v6-e-2020-last-edition-espresso-cup-edition.html

You’re at nothing without a burr grinder- ideally you want one that doesn’t click through the settings, instead it should have a smooth adjustment so you’ll decide the grind. That said the Silvia/rocky combo is hard bate. You could go without a grinder for a while and learn how to use the tamper/adjust the amount slightly etc

Your other option is a pavoni lever machine. Another lifetime investment, a lovely piece of kit that requires a nice learning curve.
https://www.coffeeitalia.co.uk/la-pavoni-el-europiccola.html

Both machines have serious coffee snob potential

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Thanks, I have a good burr grinder,
And I seem to have fixed my machine, followed some internet advice to repair a common problem with the rubber seals

So we’ll carry on with that for the moment

I’m having something called a “flat white” here in McDonald’s T1. Like a small latte. Lovely stuff altogether

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You’re at the cutting edge of coffee-snob innovation there

I bought a sage barista express about 6 weeks ago… Find it great altogether…

Lots of options out there cheaper, delonghi do great bean to cup machines

Tesco gold blend instant is a lovely brew.

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Is there any coffee in it?

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Yes, loads.

Depends on how many spoonfuls you put in

I was in Dunnes yesterday and lad ahead of me had Gold Blend (Nescafé) on the conveyor belt along with other groceries. He goes through and has a quick word with the cashier and goes off to get something he forgot. Was gone about 5 minutes.

A year ago I’d have seethed silently. Now I waited patiently.

I subsequently followed him out to his car. I was able to catch up with him as he was in a mobility scooter.

I beat him quite viciously around the head and face and left him overturned in his scooter.

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A lovely story, one which fills me with hope.
Hopefully the bastard bleeds out

Why did you beat him?
Was it because he bought Gold Blend?

Fuck him and his mobility scooter, la di fucking dah.

Perhaps he was in a cycle lane. CC @Little_Lord_Fauntleroy

These die hard coffee snobs are vicious - If your choice of coffee doesnt hit at least a 6 on the hipster scale you need to tool up for your own protection.