Coffee thread, aka a thread for spoofers

[Bandage]

Oh I forgot to say, I want Nespresso to be excluded from the options as I don’t like or rate them.

[anon7035031]

Did you not read his post? He wants a machine that takes pods, so no spooning or other exotic solutions.

[backinatracksuit]

He’s not an idiot, he’s looking for advice, Nespresso is shit coffee, he clearly doesn’t realise that the non-pod option is just as quick.

[anon7035031]

At least three, if not four, dubious statements there.

[anon7035031]

Just had a video conference there with two baristas. Both advised Nespresso was the way to go and that the Nespresso haters are talking through their holes. The choice of quality capsules, milk frother, a warmed glass mug and cleaning the machine regularly are key. This is a Rosabaya latte, absolutely delicious even to a non coffee drinker.

[Bandage]

Okay guys, I didn’t want to have to grind coffee so thought I was limited to capsules. But there’s another option that’s not capsules and which doesn’t involve grinding, is there?

[glasagusban]

@Bandage

Okay guys. I don’t want to become a barista in my spare time so let’s put coffee grinders and all that shit to one side for now. I want something compact which will take the pods/capsules/whatever the fuck you call them and produce a coffee in circa 20 seconds. I also want something with a tank which doesn’t have to be filled with water for every single cup. What’s the best of the options mentioned above to match this criteria?

You clearly have no taste, just buy a jar of instant coffee, it ticks all of your boxes.

[anon7035031]

A press.

[backinatracksuit]

Yes, if you have a favourite coffee shop they will sell you beans and grind them for you to the right consistency,
The lad who doesn’t like coffee is the expert though

[Bandage]

Gamechanger.

[anon7035031]

No need to get spiky. As I said that was the input of two renowned baristas, I’ll take that over the opinion of a self absorbed langer.

[Batigol]

Renowned baristas?

[backinatracksuit]

Seriously??
No way on earth a barista recommended a nespresso, I’m calling bullshit.
You don’t like coffee, why the passion?

[glenshane]

@Bandage

Okay guys. I don’t want to become a barista in my spare time so let’s put coffee grinders and all that shit to one side for now. I want something compact which will take the pods/capsules/whatever the fuck you call them and produce a coffee in circa 20 seconds. I also want something with a tank which doesn’t have to be filled with water for every single cup. What’s the best of the options mentioned above to match this criteria?

I had such high hopes for you.

[glasagusban]

You ape

[anon7035031]

Fuck up you melted snowflake.

[glenshane]

@backinatracksuit

sell you beans and grind them for you to the right consistency,

I’m concerned that your delonghi can’t cope with an espresso grind

[Bandage]

I’m very happy with my DeLonghi kettle and toaster so I might focus on their suite of options.

cc @backinatracksuit.

[KinvarasPassion]

@backinatracksuit

I’m calling bullshit.

I was on the call too. It happened.

[backinatracksuit]

It’s an espresso machine mate, if the grind isn’t fine enough you’ll have an inferior product.
I had two delonghi machines before the current nespresso, no comparison at all, there’s a fantastic selection of coffees available even in Limerick at the moment, I’d say it’s off the hook in Dublin, but it’s no good to me cause I’m stuck with the shittynespresso that works perfectly fine