Galway v Tipp

[Sidney]

@Watch_The_Break

Clare had collapsed fairly epically in the Munster final after beating Limerick and Cork. Despite the level headedness of Babs Tipp probably overlooked some of their flaws facing into the Galway game.

Was Babs not giving it big licks in the run up to the Galway match in 1993 saying “the public wants and deserves a Tipp-Kilkenny final”?

[Watch_The_Break]

Almost certainly.

That year was my first experience of Galway turning in a flat, uninspired performance for a final. Although it probably wasn’t as bad as '01/'05. I remember Padraig Kelly was sensational that day.

[Watch_The_Break]

@noddy

the two Lorrha boys (PJ Mansfield and Timbermerchant) wrote these two fine pieces over on PV :lol:

As we approach the game with the Matties, I feel it’s my duty to impart some knowledge I have of dealing with Matties (Mattie Land Folk) with my fellow Tipperary brethren. They’re a mad bunch of people, make no mistake about it…and they need to be treated with the utmost kindness and empathy, after a defeat to us. I’ll give ye a little anecdote to explain what I mean.

Myself and a close enough friend broke down in Killeenadeema recently - half way between Loughrea and Woodford - which is essentially the heart of Easht Mattie Land. Real Mattie country this; they christen their daughters Matilda, for instance. If you’re a Tipp man stopping off in these parts, it’s essential that you disguise your appearance and custom your parlance to blend in. Fr Jack (in Fr. Ted) gave us the perfect character upon which to base our personas. Instead of using “fcek, arse, drink and girls”, we use the number “89”, and the words “Denton”, “Fair Play is all we want” and one which should be saved for extreme circumstances, “Joe Rabbitte was fouled every time he got the ball”. In Lorrha, we reckon that there is no question an Easht Mattie Land man can ask us that can’t be answered with those phrases. If a certain “mutual respect” isn’t maintained, then a Mattie could very well do something he might never regret. We also try to imitate his unmistakable look when we speak to them.

We managed to get the car to a mechanic anyway and parked her up. We could hear what sounded like a game of hurling on TV in the garage, and followed the noise. Before we got to the door, a man approached us and grunted something which sounded like “Tipp bunts”. I couldn’t quite make it out, but I was almost certain I heard Ger Canning say that Mark O’Leary had scored his second goal, on the TV. I had to think fast, cas I had a real live one here, so I wipped out my trump card straight away and said “Joe Rabbitte was fouled every time he got the ball” in the thickest Easht Mattie Land accent I could muster (I had spent five years in Portumna CS, so I had an idea), looked him in the eye and nodded my head towards the car. It was almost as if he knew exactly what my problem was. He went over to my car and had it purring inside ten minutes.

If ye use these simple phrases, then ye should see yourself down the Clonliffe Road and into the back of Quinns safe and sound. Any deviation from them, and you may as well be writing yourself a suicide note.

You have been warned. Beware of the Mattie next Sunday

Awful pity the Hill isn’t open Sunday, severely decreases the opportunity for a bit of Mattie Baiting. Nothing better than positioning yourself in between a couple of groups of stone wall Matties and having them spitting feathers before a ball is even thrown in. If carried out correctly as per the below guide it should be mission accomplished before throw in, leaving you free to concentrate on the game at hand.

Many theories are held on the ideal positioning to attack your chosen Matties. Personally, I prefer to place myself directly in front of one group and behind another as this gives you the ultimate Mattie Baiting experience while still giving you an easy escape route left and right in case things get messy. It must be remembered that the Mattie is an extremely volatile creature and can flip at the mere mention of words like 89, Denton or Leahy.

So how does one distinguish a stone wall Mattie? Probably the two biggest factors are age and location. Your Mattie must be old enough to clearly remember the 89 affair and still be young enough to maintain a meaningful degree of bitterness. While bitterness is innate in all born within the countys border and has been witnessed in Matties as young as seven and eight, its best stick to the above criteria. You also need a Mattie that lives somewhere between Loughrea and Ballinslaoe. Kilbeacanty, Ahascragh, Killimordaly and Cappatagle are all renowned sources of this most bitter of creatures. At least three of any group should indeed be called Mattie and all should be dressed in their chosen attire of Mattie Land jersey tucked into blue jeans stuck to their arse, complimented by buckled black shoes and a maroon and white headband tied on so tight the top of their head has turned purple. Id be looking for a group in their mid forties, most of whom should look like a cross between Sylvie Linnane and PJ O Connell. Ideally they shouldn’t have missed a hurling match of any description since ‘that cunt of a Cortina’ let down Mattie Garvey bringing the boys to a league game during the thin freeze of 85.

The baiting should start as soon as you’re in. Brag loudly about the bet you placed in Donie Mearas during the week, describing your Tipp -7 as ‘money in the bank’. Have a laugh at the lads you saw in there backing Mattie Land, ‘one fucking eejit even backed them for the All-Ireland!!’ is a popular one, best said with tears in your eyes. Your Matties should have noticed your presence by now, and should start shuffling nervously.

Next you whip out the programme. Again, laughing is key here. Start laughing the minute you open it. Wonder what gobshite they have in the goals this time, and add that they haven’t had a decent keeper since Seamus Shinnors. Point out a few more lads, mispronounce their club and mention that they wouldn’t make a decent Junior team in Tipp. You might get a bit of lip out them here, ignore it.

The teams should be making their way out by now. The minute you see Joe Canning, its time for a few disparaging remarks about his weight. Matties love Joe Canning. He’s the one dying ember of hope they have of rediscovering the glory days, i.e the 13 months between August 1987 and September 1988. ’Jaysus, Curran wont know whether to mark him or calve him’’ should do the trick. Wonder is he finished before describing the other five forwards as ‘too windy’. Now might be an ideal time to wonder should you have gone for the Tipp -9 altogether.

As indicated at the start, you may well find yourselves in verbal conflict by now. Its vital to stay calm in these situations. Don’t hit them, that’s what they want you to do. Years of inbreeding and bitterness have ravaged their mental function to the extent that they can be easily outsmarted, even if you have overdone it in Quinns. The interchange wont get any more highbrow than calling ya ‘a thick Tipp cunt’ and describing us as ‘red rotten usheless’.

Should things get physical or ye need assistance at any time, just roar ‘we have a live one’. Myself, Mansfield and a few more expert baiters will be positioned at various points around the ground and will be on hand to diffuse the situation. Don’t try do it yourself. Its best done by lads living within five miles of the bridge with at least five years of education in a Mattie Land institution of education (The 5+5 Rule) and who have drank at least 500 pints in Ronnie Curleys.

Good luck and God Speed, and lets at all times remember the mantra of one of our fallen comrades.

As my Granfather, Lord Have Mercy on him, once said ‘Show me Mattie Land man, and I’ll show ya a cunt’.

Banter

[corner_back]

Galway should play Joe at centre forward. He’d either get loads of space from Maher or Maher would have to mark him closely, opening up space for the other forwards with Joe surely picking up a few scores on the way

[caulifloweredneanderthal]

yeah, Joe has had great history with Maher in the past. Even with a dodgy haircut, Maher had him in his back pocket in the 06 Minor Final and it’s been that way since.

[Big_Dan_Campbell]

Whatever happened to Eanna Ryan who starred for Galway against Tipp in 2010. Scored a wonder goal from wing forward and was never seen again. Did he get injured

[caulifloweredneanderthal]

Probably became a local hero in Mattieland and is now the proud operator of a Supermacs franchise

[Lazarus]

Suffered a career ending injury on the field around 1990. Something to do with a knee iirc. A big cheese down at the Heineken factory these days.

[Big_Dan_Campbell]

I’m on about the 2010 version.

[Lazarus]

Ah, just realised you meant his nephew. Haven’t a clue, not been on the County panel the last couple of years anyway

[Bandage]

FFS sake.

[corner_back]

Fairly sure he picked up a bad injury or somesuch a few years back

[Big_Dan_Campbell]

Brendan Maher over 0.5 points at 11/8 with Paddy Power

Yes please

[GeoffreyBoycott]

@corner_back

Galway should play Joe at centre forward. He’d either get loads of space from Maher or Maher would have to mark him closely, opening up space for the other forwards with Joe surely picking up a few scores on the way

Jonathan Glynn caused a lot of problems against Tipperary last year and you would suspect he’ll probably get first crack at full forward tomorrow. That would free up Joe for centre forward.

[maroonandwhite]

Jesus christ. No wonder pv is the countrys only gaa forum hidden from public view. Is that supposed to be banter? Lads going to the game tomorrow, dont get too close to these freaks. Smile, nod, move quickly towards a bit of craic.

Glynn should really start at 14 tomorrow. He destroyed that over rated cunt maher last year, so badly that barry was allowed to just hold on to glynn when he went in. Hopefully the ref keeps an eye on that tomorrow and on mahers incessant diving and steps with the ball. He thinks he’s tommy walsh, arms flailing around but has trouble freeing himself, and despite looking and sounding like a settled member of irelands indigenous minority has no actual hardness and flops to the ground very easily. Watch out for it tomorrow.

[Brimmer_Bradley]

Thanks for the tip off maroonandshite. We’ll all keep an eye out for Barry diving.
Great imput.

[glasagusban]

I’m really looking forward to Johnny Glynn catching a puck out tomorrow, turning and running straight over Maher and leaving him flattened on the ground.

[carryharry]

As much as you are looking forward to Limerick winning another AISH championship?

[Watch_The_Break]

Paudie Maher was a hugely exciting player at 20/21 and has become a bit of a gym monkey. If he was playing for Dublin they’d be calling him ‘manufactured’.

[the_man_himself]

Paudie Maher is easily one of the best backs in the country, probably the best centre back. He tore his AC joint after two minutes in the Munster Final which would explain his slightly worse performance although still good