Have you ever soiled yourself as an adult?

farmerinthecity · April 7, 2011, 8:41pm

If I was the occupant of that house in Julio’s story, and I met the culprit again, I wouldn’t be responsible for what I’d do to the cunt.

Mac · April 7, 2011, 9:15pm

That’s outstanding stuff from Bandages taxi driver. Comes across as a thoroughly alright sort and manages to get the best part of 2 fares out of the one journey.

myboyblue · April 7, 2011, 9:19pm

I guess he had to, he would have had to fumigate that taxi afterwards.

The_Dunph · April 14, 2011, 8:38pm

I’m after unknowingly eating a load of gone off tuna and fully expect to soil myself at numerous points during the course of the night…

The_Dunph · January 9, 2012, 10:11pm

I soiled myself about an hour ago. I’d a fairly long day and ended up heading to an Indian restaurant for my dinner. I got the medium spicy chicken bhuta, fried rice and a nan bread. The Indian was superb and i had a few pints of Cobra as well. Afterwards i decided to walk the mile or so home. I’ve noticed that Indians, as much as i love them, don’t agree with me that much and i end up toxic enough for a day or so after eating them. About half way back i felt this insatiable urge to shit. I was in a fair bit of a conundrum about what to do as there was no facility nearby where i could shit. The more i panicked the more i felt the need to shit and the next thing i knew i had broken into a half jog. In hindsight i realise this was foolish as i was nearly half a mile from home and the jogging only worsened the situation. It was coming and there was nothing i could do about it.

At this stage i was outside the gate of a large gym. I spotted trees at the back of the car park and sort of shuffled/zig-zagged towards them, bearly holding on at this stage. There was a guy walking around the car park picking up papers so i had to evade him and if spotted make it look like i was heading to a car. Something had already gave at this stage. I got behind a tree, pulled down my beige trousers and shat furiously, all the while looking around for people who might be returning to their cars or passers by. I walked the mile or so home in soiled trousers. The whole experience was horrifying. I showered for 20 minutes afterwards.

TwoRunnyEggs · January 9, 2012, 10:15pm

Shit happens.

What does a chicken bhuta taste like?

Fagan_ODowd · January 9, 2012, 10:21pm

[quote=“TwoRunnyEggs, post: 499160”]Shit happens.

What does a chicken bhuta taste like?[/quote]

Who knows. If only he’d had a chicken bhuna he mightn’t be at the beige trousers with the nail brush as we speak.

anon61956325 · January 9, 2012, 10:22pm

I soiled myself about an hour ago. I’d a fairly long day and ended up heading to an Indian restaurant for my dinner. I got the medium spicy chicken bhuta, fried rice and a nan bread. The Indian was superb and i had a few pints of Cobra as well. Afterwards i decided to walk the mile or so home. I’ve noticed that Indians, as much as i love them, don’t agree with me that much and i end up toxic enough for a day or so after eating them. About half way back i felt this insatiable urge to shit. I was in a fair bit of a conundrum about what to do as there was no facility nearby where i could shit. The more i panicked the more i felt the need to shit and the next thing i knew i had broken into a half jog. In hindsight i realise this was foolish as i was nearly half a mile from home and the jogging only worsened the situation. It was coming and there was nothing i could do about it.

At this stage i was outside the gate of a large gym. I spotted trees at the back of the car park and sort of shuffled/zig-zagged towards them, bearly holding on at this stage. There was a guy walking around the car park picking up papers so i had to evade him and if spotted make it look like i was heading to a car. Something had already gave at this stage. I got behind a tree, pulled down my beige trousers and shat furiously, all the while looking around for people who might be returning to their cars or passers by. I walked the mile or so home in soiled trousers. The whole experience was horrifying. I showered for 20 minutes afterwards.

Spoof.

SHANNONSIDER · January 9, 2012, 10:23pm

Don’t worry about it Dunph, shur the French would do that routinely.

Julio_Geordio · January 9, 2012, 11:22pm

Heard a cracking one of these today. A mate of mine is in college in WIT and they were out with a big gang the other night, anyway all rotten etc. etc. back to the your mans house drank on till everyone went to bed or passed out.
He woke up the following morning to an awful smell of shit filling the air. Walked out to the hall and down towards the bathroom to investigate opened the door and saw not only the whole toilet bowl filled with shit, but the sink, the floor, the walls etc. It was only then he noticed that there was a trail of shit the whole way down the hall, on the wall, the floor and a big lump behind the rad.
Woke up everyone anyway to get to the bottom of it but they all denied. After a while then one of the lads realised his clothes were missing and one of his mates who came back was no where to be seen.

The fucker had shit all over his mates house robbed his clothes and ran out the door. No one has seen him since and he hasn’t been in any lectures :lol:

Apparently your man turned up again at the boys house after a few weeks and said nothing & no one said anything to him.
That’s all well and good but I will be meeting said sicko in a few weeks and will have beer on me. I dunno how I won’t pass some smart comment

SHANNONSIDER · January 9, 2012, 11:28pm

Eh…why didn’t they beat the shit out of him when he turned up?

Julio_Geordio · January 9, 2012, 11:36pm

They’d seen enough shit come out of him

cluaindiuic · March 28, 2012, 6:31pm

Seo duit Totti.

Rudi · March 28, 2012, 6:38pm

Though I very nearly shat myself this evening. I walk to work which is a good 25 minutes away, mid-journey I got an awful urge to go, I took off into a very brisk walk but 5 minutes later it was becoming an urgent matter and I had to up to a jog, followed by a sprint for the home length. Eventually I burst through the door and made a beeline to the toilet where I was barely struggling to contain. When I got my trousers and boxers down and positioned on the toilet bowl, I let it go, an almighty burst of flatulence and I had to sit on the bowl for a couple of minutes before any shit came out.

This means I will now only get a days wear out of my favourite Zegna shirt.

Fitzy · March 30, 2012, 4:59am

Imagine that, only getting one days wear out of a shirt before having to wash it. What is the world coming to.

Gman · November 22, 2012, 6:05pm

FAO of refugees fleeing over zealous regimes.

glasagusban · November 22, 2012, 6:33pm

Been there, done that.

I hope my modest contribution may help to bridge the gap between nationals and Fugees.

Titch · November 22, 2012, 8:43pm

i shit myself regularly as an adult until i got the yeast tolorence sorted.

Horsebox · November 22, 2012, 9:09pm

Great bump gman. Some very funny stories on this. I shat myself in bed about 3 months ago-taught it was a fart until I felt the wetness. Hopped up out of bed and there was shit running down the back of my leg-grim. I was unwell at the time in fairness. I also took a huge shit on a street just off Princes Street in Edinburgh on night 2 of a 3 day bender-it came out of nowhere but I just about managed to get off the thronged Princes Street. A number of horrified passer-bys still saw my shame as I wiped my hole with my socks before re-joining my chums.

glasagusban · November 23, 2012, 12:17pm

Horsebox I am awed and disgusted in equal measure!