Job Interviews


Always dangerous making anything zero tolerance but if you could easily differentiate between human error and sharp practise then yeah zero tolerance would be ok

Here @Bandage

Balanced scorecard approach. Focus as much on quality of credit as volume and margin when measuring performance/deciding on bonuses.

E.g. Failed credit audit = ineligible for bonus …they will think you are a right hard ass. The Australians did this I believe when they bought out NIB


Is @gilgamboa not ashamed to have worked in risk for BOI?


They’re making you do that?

Fuck that, mate.

Buy 10 replica monkey with cymbals toys, hand one to each of the panel members. Repeat this prepared statement in a loud, authoritative voice:

I have just given you each a toy monkey with cymbals. I am not a toy monkey with cymbals. I am a man and I will do this job superbly. Scan the panel members for the one who looks the the weakest-willed and coldly stare at her until the silence breaks (in the event the panel contains no women, focus on the token gay).


Risk in BOI cost the country billions

Id say the bar is pretty low there


@Bandage take this advice. Open your laptop, send an email to whatever HR person or Recruiter you’re dealing with and tell them thanks for the interest but you have reconsidered and you are no longer interested in the position. That job sounds like hell on earth and you’ll die inside within 12 months.


Paper based presentation. Use an A3 size page - everybody uses them now. A “placemat” is the colloquialism

One central theme in centre and five or six talking points with bullet points around the centre which you talk to for 12 minutes

Also don’t be afraid to pre-condition the meeting by saying you want to make best use of their time and call them and say this is what you are going to do. Say it at start too

Any questions at end - anything you need to be convinced by in order to give Me the position?


Look for yellow lights and be prepared for them - you are sellinng yourself. Examples below of how to handle yellow lights/objections and you can mould these into stock answers for any hard questions

CLIENT: I think you have this all wrong. This needs to be centralized at corporate and not driven by the field.
SALES PERSON: As you can well imagine, I’ve heard strong opinions on both sides of that issue. First, before we tackle the issue of centralized or decentralized, are you on board with what the initiative needs to accomplish, and it’s just a matter of the best way to do it?

CLIENT: We can’t take people off current jobs to implement this and we can’t have people try to implement it who don’t understand how we do business.
SALES PERSON: That’s a tough spot to be in. And unfortunately, not unusual. It seems like we could either give up, or at least explore some options. Are the challenges you are facing big enough that it would be worth at least a little discussion of some possible alternatives?


This is a v good way to end the interview. When they ask for any questions ask them to describe what they feel is ideal candidate for job, then ask did I fall shorte of expectation in any area…if they say yes then you have another crack at convincing them…if no then you’ve put them in a position where they might think it difficult not to give you the job.


Only a cunt would ask that.


A cunt who wants a job


You’ll get one eventually, m8.


I’d cross them out straight away.


For putting you on the spot? V sensitive


No. i just don’t like cunts.


Good advice here @Bandage. Don’t make a cunt of yourself.


He’s going working in Risk / Compliance.
Being a cunt is obligatory


You don’t want overconfident guys in risk/compliance. Ye are paying for them for the last eight years.


You must be fucking kidding me.


@Bandage you may wish to consider a section on applying a portfolio lens to managing the credit portfolio, i.e. measuring and managing concentration risk by having too much exposure to individual or heavily correlated sectors or geographies.


+1. Absolute bilge