Careful now. You’ll be filed as a rape humourist for when the reckoning comes.
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I have a great joke
Ah go on
But some might think it’s racist
This may sound a bit sexist but I met a lady yesterday and when I asked her what she did for a living she said she was a brain surgeon. I was impressed. I didn’t think women could do sarcasm.
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Just got sacked from my job as a bingo caller.
Apparently a meal for two with a hairy view is not the best way to call 69.
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A man in Tesco’s tries to buy half a cauliflower.
The young assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers.
The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,
“Some prick out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.”
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”
Galway , sir," the boy replied.
“Well, why did you leave Galway?” the manager asked.
The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hurlers there.”
“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Galway.”
“You’re kidding?” replied the boy. “Who’d she hurl for?”
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Lads, could I refer ye back to the “terrible joke thread” wherever it is.
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Why do vets put screens around horses when fatally injured?
To stop people from sitting on them to take phone calls
(Source: Twitter)
He’s done bollox to do that
A couple are having marital difficulties, and the wife suggests they see a marriage counsellor. At their first session the counsellor asks the couple to explain to each other how they feel about their marriage. The wife says: “We are at a crossroads. To the left is bitterness, resentment, divorce and a life of unhappiness. To the right is reconciliation, love and lifelong happiness.” The husband says: “I think you’ll find that’s a T-junction
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