Not stereotypically Tipp enough, he was too likeable a hurler. If I could have found a place on the panel for the chap in the wheelchair being pushed around the pitch after his goal in 1991, I would have.
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Ah g’wan
Pure Kerry selection
1 Diarmuid Murphy (quietly served his his apprenticeship, did his five or six years in nets, never put a foot wrong, few people remember much of him as a player, won four All-Irelands, and then said to himself “I’ve had a decent run, I’m happy with that.” Now winning more All-Irelands, though few people outside Kerry know that, because he’s a low profile selector, and low profile is the way he likes it. Will never look to become Kerry manager, though might yet be told he’s the new Kerry manager because everybody else agrees he should be the new Kerry manager, in the same way Bob Paisley was told he was the new Liverpool manager.)
2 Marc O’Sé (the freewheeling Marc O’Sé)
3 Paddy Bawn Brosnan (Immortalised by a pub, nobody remembers him but they all say “oh, that’s Paddy Bawn Brosnan’s pub”.
“Who was he?”
“He played for Kerry.”
“When?”
“The 1850s, I think.”)
4 Tim “Tiger” Lyons (Tiger Lyons, ha ha, very good. In the 1950s people used to ring up the aZoo on the 1st of April looking for a Mr. Lyons, very funny.)
5 Paidi O’Sé (Loved Charlie Haughey apparently, did anybody know that? I bought a copy of the Irish Independent off him in his shop in Ventry on June 12th, 1997. There was a list of the top 5 Dublin v Meath games ever in it, ahead of the following Sunday’s winner take all clash. The byline was Martin Breheny.)
6 Tim Kennelly (A horse is a horse of course of course, hoof hearted)
7 Eamon Breen (Tougher than you)
8 Mick O’Connell (“I’m Ger Gilroy, and welcome back to Off The Ball…Mick O’Connell, you’re this amazing figure in Irish sport, you carry such a mystique, tell us all about your amazing life…”
“Well, I was farmer and a fisherman, that was what I did to sustain myself, I played a bit of football, I enjoyed that, I did a bit of rowing, I liked that.”
“But you must have sooo many amazing stories…”
“Not really, no…”
“Wow, this guy never says anything interesting, but it’s not in any way feigned, that’s just who he is, and that’s why he’s so fascinating…)
9 Dinjoe Crowley (“Dinjoe…yerra, they’ll think I’m a simpleton. That’s exactly what they’re supposed to think.”)
10 Ger Power (Bore the look of a proper wild man, had that hunched, huddled, hooded eyes look about him)
11 Tadhgie Lyne (The original of the species of the cute hoor yerra merchant who stuck it to the overconfident Dubs in an All-Ireland final)
12 Pat Spillane (“I was coming back from the pub one night and 'twas a lovely moonlit night and I looked out across Kenmare Bay and I said to myself, “jeez, wouldn’t it be great to swim across Kenmare Bay, so I went down to the water and took off my clothes and swam across Kenmare Bay there and then. And back. That was the sort of fella I was.)
13 Mikey Sheehy (Impish, impudent, imperious, prankster, went to Paddy Cullen’s pub once and stole a packet of bacon fries when Paddy wasn’t looking, there was CCTV of the bar but the incident didn’t show up on it, any time he met Paddy he’d tip him on the far shoulder and Paddy would look around and see nobody before Mikey would reveal himself on Paddy’s blind side, he could remotely operate Paddy’s cooker to make him think there was a cake burning in it, it was all good clean fun)
14 Eoin “The Bomber” Liston (Footballing superweapon, King Kong, Godzilla, grizzly bear, a bearded man who destroyed Dublin in September in the 5/11 disaster)
15 John Joe Sheehy (Was a wanted man, used to pay in at the gate , change into his football gear in the crowd and bunk onto the pitch to play for Kerry, then run into the crowd again. The film “Yerra…Ischcape to Victory” was made about him.
Subs:
Declan O’Keeffe (Big baggy jersey, big baggy shorts, big socks, big gloves, big fucking boot, big mouth, permanently had his arms outstretched in exasperation as he stood. A confident guy, as somebody once said.)
Darragh O’Se (“This is supposht to be a column abut football but today I’m going to shtart by talking about a black cat I saw on Monday marning. In thish part of the world seeing a black cat is a sign of bad tidings. When I told Bean an Tí I’d seen a black cat she looked back at me with a worried face and I looked back at her with a worried face. And sure enough Fungie dishippeared later that day. I’ll move on to the football later but I was very concerned by some other piseogs that lead me to think it will not be Kerry’s day on Sunday. Still, for all that, I’m going to go for a Kerry victory.”)
Kieran Donaghy (Opposing goalkeeper gets the ball, sees Jaws ahead of him, cold, dead eyes, but simultaneously wearing a knowing grin, goalkeeper’s legs turn to jelly, goalkeeper voluntarily surrenders the ball to Jaws, Jaws finishes to the empty net, Jaws laughs)
Brian Clarke (was once asked by The Star (the newspaper, not the player, “Is fearr an Star”) “which celebrity would you most like to meet?” “Prince Naseem, so I could whup his ass.”)
Sean O’Shea (Bears the look of a demented wild man)
Donnacha Walsh (Fooled a load of people into thinking he was a weak link for years, they’re fierce cute, these Kerry lads)
Ogie Moran (“Ogie is a moron, Ogie is a moron, na na na na”. The Dublin wit is something else. Ogie must have got very embarrassed by that chant, he was probably too embarrassed by it to collect the Sam Maguire Cup even after winning 17 points.)
John Egan (So much the forgotten man that everybody remembers him, even if they weren’t born at the time).
Bingo Driscoll (Bingo…lolz)
Paul Galvin (Here ref, gimme five…months suspension)
Johnny Buckley (1930s catch and kick stereotype playing in the 2010s)
Micheál Burns (The Ghislaine Maxwell photobomber of Kerry football, an integral part of the 1953, 1975, 2014 and 2022 teams, though nobody can remember anything he did)
Manager: Mick O’Dwyer
Driving: Mick O’Dwyer
Art and Science: Dr. Eamon O’Sullivan
Sponsors: Bendix (Only they can whitewash this lot)
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Jesus, will someone please announce their retirement soon…
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Niall McNamee should be announcing it any day now, hold firm.
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Thought Big Dec be in there too
Brian Clarke an interesting one
would have been a a 3 year Kerry minor but at 16 left the minor panel for a basketball tour with the Irish team. was full forward in the 1997 campaign and wasnt playing too bad @ all but got dropped for the final and when Kerry were bringing on subs in the forward line as the game went on he was passed by and wasnt brought on. Appeared to be hard done by that day and dont think he and Paidi ever saw eye to eye after that and his kerry career filtered out.
oozed talent and skill and had physique but was tempermental by all accounts
Basketball was probably his first love
This thread has been fantastic entertainment, peak early January fare, with the wind howling in the cold night outside. Tremendous entertainment from @Cheasty.
I believe there was a mention of a Galway football (clean & stylish) & Hurling (hatchet men) 15.
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B’fhéidir go mbeidh an BabógDamhsa ag caoineadh if I put up any more of these posts.
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No Hotpoint?
Some great reading
Pure Galway hurling selection:
1 A traffic cone (Let’s face it, there were no other contenders, the definitive Galway hurling goalkeeper)
2 Sylvie Linnane (there to get sent off)
3 Conor Hayes (wearing a gold leather helmet, had a face that looked like the Widow Twankey, didn’t play like the Widow Twankey)
4 Greg Kennedy (there to get sent off)
5 Peter Finnerty (all elbows up)
6 Sean Silke (late replacement for the suspended Tony Keady)
7 Gerry McInerney (wearing his whitest of white boots and most dashing tache and mullet, the pure conviction he had in his ridiculous look meant he could pull it off)
8 Iarla Tannian (honest as a humble ass)
9 David Tierney (dashing midfielder who will flatter to deceive)
10 Joe Connolly (I lahhhhv you)
11 Joe Cooney (in association with Cepravin – powerful, reliable, economical, the long lasting dry cow protection)
12 Joe Canning (completes the all-Joe C half forward line)
13 Michael “Hopper” McGrath (there to get sent off and/or deliver an “I’m finished” wide)
14 Brendan Lynskey (playing with blood pouring from a broken nose, and that’s from the start, fuck modern rules)
15 Kerrill Wade (sacrificial lamb of a small, nippy corner forward, his career will be ruined by his outing here)
Subs :
Noel Lane (will get a late winning goal with an awkward looking pull along the ground)
Joe Salmon (outstanding in the 1955 and 1958 All-Ireland semi-finals)
Conor Whelan (on one leg)
Anthony “Tessio” Cunningham (40 yard solo runs then gets dispossessed)
David Collins (Not happy at being on the bench, will launch a heave against me after this)
Joe McDonagh (non-playing sub but he sings a good song)
Inky Flaherty (Everton has its Dixie Dean, Green Bay has its Curly Lambeau, Collingwood has its Jock McHale, Galway has its old timer with a charmingly silly name too)
PJ Molloy (thrown on with a minute left when Conor Whelan has to come off)
Ollie Canning (playing on for one last year)
Francis Forde (replacement small, nippy corner forward whose career will be ruined by this outing)
Pearse Piggott (third midfielder)
Joe Rabbitte (wearing a Christy Goodwin hurling helmet and an Ashguard glove, even while on the bench)
Jonathan “Irishman” Glynn (back from New York, legally, everything else is fuckin’ bullshit)
Injured: Fr. Iggy Clarke (strained his back delivering communion), Eanna Ryan (butchered by the next parish in a club game)
Suspended: Tony Keady (sinking pints in The Hut)
Manager: Cyril Farrell
Dugout mascot: Phelim Murphy
Kit manufacturer: Connolly Sports (with the logo encased in a star), the three stripes on the shoulder are still there
Sponsor: Buck Rogers (in plain all capital letters font) – a purer Galway burger outlet than Supermacs
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Niall Healy a glaring omission
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Outstanding.
No 1 was a legend for us. My namesake seething in a pub nearby, after getting fucked over by the Tipp girly boys
Pure Armagh selection - apples and oranges
1 Benny Tierney (aye, I love the craic, so I do, and I love grinning)
2 James Morgan (toerag)
3 Tom McCreesh (slipping on his arse)
4 Francie Bellew (born 50 years after his time and somehow survived)
5 John Rafferty (angry toerag of a diminutive wing back of the sort no mid-ranking Ulster county in the 90s could do without)
6 Kieran McGeeney (Do you want to see my biceps? I bet you don’t have biceps as big as these)
7 Ciaran McKeever (there to rough up the opposition in the parade, then get sent off and have the face of a choirboy as he departs the field)
8 Joe Kernan (did he ever tell you about the time he smashed his loser’s plaque off the wall of the dressing room at half time in the 2002 All-Ireland final?)
9 John Grimley (battered the Aussies, a comic book Desperate Dan brute of a man, the sort of man that made inter-county football great)
10 Cathal O’Rourke (nice fella, harmless, loved playing for Armagh)
11 Jimmy Smyth (the great, the voice of Ulster football, “the chance, the shat, it’s in the net!”)
12 Bill McCorry (people say it is unfair to define him by a missed penalty that could have won the All-Ireland, known exclusively for missing a penalty that could have won the All-Ireland)
13 Steven McDonnell (South Armagh Sniper, “Pound Man™”)
14 Ger Houlahan (Houly, the definitive Armagh full forward, he’s had to pass up an FAI Cup final with Sligo Rovers to play in this)
15 Joey Cunningham (probably the first black player in inter county GAA, always destined to be called a “flair” player as a result, loved in Portadown)
Subs
That lad in the goalkeeper’s jersey who went running around the pitch like a demented fly in an Ulster championship match against Cavan in 2016
John Corvan (the best footballer nobody ever saw, says the Armagh equivalent of Kev who posts on GAABoard)
Oisin McConville (used to wear his collar up before Armagh switched to collarless shirts purely to make him less of marked man)
Mark Grimley (for Mark, read John)
Kieran McGurk (Tyrone man who switched allegiance to his rivals, like a reverse @Nembo_Kid )
Diarmuid Marsden (something wonderful about a six county player with a quintessentially English surname, brings a lovely exotic touch)
Des Mackin (forever a rising talent fresh out of minor, thrown in for his heft)
Jarlath Burns (Has been plotting his road to being Uachtarán Cumann Luthchleas Gael since he was six weeks old)
Jamie Clarke (may or may not turn up)
Mark Shields (The Silver Fox)
Injured: Ronan Clarke (could be back in two years’ time)
Joint managers: Brian McAlinden/Brian Canavan (against the wishes of the panel)
Optimum High Performance Technician: Enda McNulty
Sponsors: Morgan Fuels
Godfather: Slab Murphy
Kit:
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A proper footballer
There goes David Moran. An artist of a fielder.
A terrific servant to Kerry. How many All Irelands does he have?
2?
3, and each in a different decade. Incredible longevity, especially given how the game changed in that time with regards kick out and high fielding.
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He was there in 2009?
That’s impressive.