The Constipation thread

Textbook :clap:

Morning poop already done. Didnā€™t even make it to 11. Itā€™s off the charts this week.

Fantastic to hear lads are shiteing well.

Has anyone ever trained themselves into a new and reduced shitting pattern and sustained it into the future? As discussed on TFK previously, shitting experts conclude that a normal range is from 1 every 3 days to 3 in a single day aka 1 in 3 to 3 in 1. Iā€™m very much in the 3 in 1 category but Iā€™m looking to cut down by 1 shit per day. Does a simple technique of holding it in and dealing with the stomach rumblings and farts work if you stick resolutely to it?

You make 3 dumps in one day? Really? That canā€™t be rightā€¦

At least 3.

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Thatā€™s not right @Bandage. Should have one deposit a day, tops 2 if you had a heavy meal late on the night before. Something up there pal

:astonished:

All that time, energy, paper and water wasted by you, you little cuntā€¦ Youā€™re single handily killing the planet, one little rabbit shit at a time.

Have you gone to a doctor about this? You say 3 shits in a day is normal, it strikes me that there is something wrong with your piping.

Iā€™ve 2 shits done every day by 8.30am, pal.

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Diet has to be the issue here. Whatā€™s the consistency of said shites?

@Bandage - can we start by looking at your diet, pleaseā€¦ give us your typical day in food there, pal.

A fairly typical day:

6.20am: wake up and take a shit.
6.45am - 7.45am: some form of exercise.
7.45am - 8.15am: muesli or porridge with banana while watching Ireland AM.
8.15am - 8.30am: shit and shower.
9am - 12.30pm: work.
12.30pm - 1.30pm: lunch is usually soup with a slice of brown bread and a hot turkey wrap with lettuce and tomato followed by an Americano.
1.30pm - 5.30pm: work, but Iā€™d need my third shit around 2.30pm when I digest lunch and coffee.
6pm: banana and an Americano while watching Six One.
7pm: dinner (something simple and nutritious like spag bol or waffles and beans)
9pm: tea and some Brazil nuts (tea and two squares of Dairy Milk if it wasnā€™t Lent).
11pm: bed.

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Nothing out of the ordinary thereā€¦ tho, and this is just me, iā€™d never, ever have the urge to shit when just out of bed - my digestive system usually has to get up and running before thatā€¦ Maybe more fibre might be the answer, palā€¦ the cereal section is fine but maybe more fruit throughout the day other than bananas ā€¦ apples and pears are good on this frontā€¦ do you eat the skin of a kiwi (fruit) when you eat them? also full of fibre.

Can I ask, palā€¦ are you stressed? Iā€™m not on about full blown up the walls stress, it could be subconscious or a daily dose of small but constant feeling of stress? this could be a factorā€¦ in fact, itā€™s a major factor in our shitting patterns.

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Thatā€™s great shiteing bandage.

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Itā€™s quite clear you are just rushing the first one. Have you wa. Sorry, exercise first and have a larger more leisurely motion thereafter.
Two become one, as the spice girls might say.

I think the second one at 8.15am needs eliminating. My first shit seems logical to fully clean out my coffee and dinner from the evening before. But I donā€™t think I should require another one after going for a jog and having some muesli. Iā€™m going to try to change my shitting pattern once and for all from Monday on.

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Flattyā€™s proposal sounds better to me but you clearly march to the beat of a different drum to most people where shitting is concerned.

3-4 shites a day is perfectly normal.

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What are you justifying yourself to those apes for?
I am shiting as soon as I wake too and have done every single day for 30 years. Itā€™s perfectly normal kid. I canā€™t imagine not having a clearance to begin the day. Shiting just the once or God forbid less than that every day wouldnā€™t be for me. Fuck that. These animals are at the stage where when they shit itā€™s out of absolute necessity, there must be huge pressure on them to get it cleared.
Thatā€™s not living.

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Jogging opens up the pipes always.

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