Youâll be dead by noon
A few double espressos will sort you right out. Youâll need to be on top of your game going into Giovanniâs Tavern to try and negotiate a screen showing Celtic spud hockey on the same day as the World soccer football final.
Was very blocked up there last week started taking a few Ispaghula Husks; they were the oil change the engine needed
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Brief but petrifying panic there in other-halfâs homeplace. A proper log deposited, a wholesome, single-piece discharge with no breaks and requiring minimal wipeage. Hit the flusher and for a few moments it just bobbles at the top like the stern of the Titanic, a terrifying moment that seems to last an eternity as messy images of a complicated poo-extrication flash through my mind. At the last second it sinks like a stone and mercifully out of sight.
Iâm ready for the night now. I definitely feel a lot lighter. Tomorrowâs poo will be a squidgier affair I fear.
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Be thankful pal. I had a little party there about a month ago to celebrate my first solid movement in about six months.
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Just pop it into the cistern. Be nice to have that in your locker when things inevitably turn nasty down the road. 
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My flock, I wonder if I can ask your assistance.
Normally, when I go for a moment, I do so with no issues whatsoever. However, these last few days have I have been plagued by stubborn bowels.
Prayers will probably do it. Please. Thanks in advance.
God bless you all.
Change the third vowel in your username to a âuâ and an intercession shall occur.
Go in peace.
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A mars bar, a bag of Taytos and a can of coke.
Two cups of coffee and the first book of the lord of the rings.
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Eat some out of date chicken.
They want to shit not die glas
Ah that wouldnât kill you. Clear you out good.
The best flusher ever
4 pints of Guinness cures all bowel obstructions
A little blocked myself. Been nearly 48 hours since Iâve emptied.