You went to watch rovers in morton stadium for first time when you were 20 palâŚ
Which one?
CiarĂĄn? Canât say I know of him. Sounds like a good stock. What area is he from would you know? A man like that is gold dust to a club, regardless of the code. County players come and go, they in truth generally give little back but tbf theyâve give lots many others way. But a man such as that is there for life and fair fucks, he loves doing it which is great. You only need not to take him for granted is the thing.
He would be the sort of man who would not run for chairman or treasurer but more or less run everything else.
He is from artane just beyond the shopping centre.
Of course he wasnât a cop and he only five foot tall FFS!
A hundred posts about some oul lad in Craobh Ciaran to wade through and I only wanting to read about some lads marriage difficulties
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You need to head back over to the League of Ireland thread and have another chat with yourself.
I like those.
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A thread title means nothing there days. We need better and stricter moderation. There must be a few lads on boards.ie with very little to do these days.
Tangents rather than bickering are hopefully a pointer to a return to halcyon days.
Thatâll only happen if AFR starts up again.
My last missus has informed me that sheâs holding onto the kids tonight. Sheâs also declared that sheâs a strong independent woman who is more than capable of bringing said kids to school etc. She has proudly stated that she needs no help and that she has lunches made, uniforms ready and school bags sorted with the correct books etc.
The uniforms and school bags are here though. Iâm not even sure she knows where the school is.
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Lads keeping lump hammers and knives in the bedroom.
(I donât believe the bit about the cup of tea,.or the thirty five happy years)
Bill and Melinda Gates heading to the divorce courts.
Signing in. Created a new username for the purposes. It describes how Iâm feeling.
10 years, 4 kids. A strange marriage. Largely loveless. But hardly any arguments, never even a harsh word. Largely emotionless. She would rightly say I donât engage. Sheâs obsessed with work, all she talks about. I never talk about work, I know she wouldnât care. I canât stand when she talks about work.
I care about GAA primarily. Gping to a few matches in the summer. Coaching the kids teams.And I like my job (but I know no one else wants to hear about it).
But she doesnât talk about anything else except work. She has no hobbys, or interests outside of work. But she wanted kids. Our only time engaging in full sex in 10 years was to procreate. A handful of fumbles in between, only ever initiated by me. I havenât used a condom in 10 years. Weâre both very fertile. A mixed blessing. All 4 kids conceived with 2 or 3 attempts. 10 rides in 10 years. Functional. No oral sex in 10 years. I get it, women need to feel loved to want sex. She didnât feel loved.
I think I did everything right for the first few years. I bought her flowers, cooked her meals, sent her little messages. Surprises. Presents. Not to âbuyâ sex, but because I loved her. Genuinely loved her. I got nothing back. Never a surprise text, nothing. I need love, I need sex. We had that before marriage. Not as much sex as I wanted. But love, a connection.
So I disengaged to see if an argument would help. No argument, nothing. Letâs try for another kidâŚabsolutely, maybe this will kickstart our marriage. It didnât. 4 incredible kids though.
I tried talking to her 2 years ago. I had to ask her to turn off the telly because she was only half listening. Why donât we have a normal marriage, I asked. She was surprised. This is normal she said. Jesus. Maybe it is. All you care about is work, I said. Thatâs normal, she said. You like GAA, but I donât, she said. Turned back on the telly. Conversation over.
I tried an experiment. I wouldnât tell her I loved her, or give her a hug, or a kiss, or hold her hand. See would she initiate. 2 years have passed, neither of us has told the other we love them. There has been no physical contact in 2 years. She hasnât worn her rings in 6 years.
Her career is progressing. She works nonstop. Iâm primary parent. We never discussed that. Putting kids to bed, 9 oâclock and no sign of Mammy. Not even a text to say sheâll be late. Due home at 6. Regular occurrence. I still make more money than her. Missed a promotion last year though, too much time parenting and not enough focusing on career. I donât really care. Iâm cross with her for taking me for granted. But I donât say anything. Donât want to let her see sheâs getting to me. I convinced myself sheâs trying to make me pull the plug, so she can blame me. Probably not. Who knows.
A year ago I accepted weâre cohabiting parents. Made my peace. Fine, wait till the kids are old enough then move on. I can do that.
Now sheâs talking about moving house and my head is exploding. How does she think weâre still married? She wants to go into another mortgage with someone she regards as the live-in childminder. WTF.
So I said it to her the other day. She agreed we had drifted apart. You donât love me, I said. A small tear. I donât hate you, she said. That was it. Iâm happy to stay together until the kids are older, I said. No response. A dirty look though.
Itâs not a bad atmosphere for the kids. No shouting, no anger. But no love between Mammy and Daddy, and they see that already. How come you never kiss, the 7 year old asked me last year. Still a better house than a lot of kids have. Two parents who love them.
Unless Mammy decides she doesnât need the live-in childminder anymore. But I donât think she will.
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Jaysus pal. Tough one. Life is short and you deserve to be happy is what Iâd say. The kids will be fine if you are fine.
Try and find a counsellor and go on your own and then maybe find a couple counsellor and see will she engage. At least that way youâll know if there was anything worth saving or that can be saved.
Keep the chin up.
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Chin up pal.
She seems quite cold about it. I canât really offer any advice and donât want to pry too much but I think she would not care if you divorced and you probably stand to lose more from it so I would let my pride kick in, stick it out and be more selfish about your own needs.
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Fair play to you for putting it out there.
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By the sounds of things counselling wonât work but maybe give it a try and see then go from there.Apart from that mind yourself.
Fair play for posting that.
My two cents: Iâm not sure the value of staying together under those circumstances. There might not be any tension but the kids arenât seeing parents in love anyway so itâs not really doing them the biggest favour by just staying together for the sake of it. You deserve to be happy and youâll find a way to sort out the kids if youâre both pragmatic and neither is bitter.
Go and talk to someone anyway. I admire your stoicism but you shouldnât have to live like that. Even if it doesnât affect you the whole time, itâs an avoidable unhappiness and youâre better off moving on from it.
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