Iād agree with @Rocko. Talk to someone. Iām sure itās great getting advice from well meaning internet oddballs but marriage guidance counsellors have buckets of experience in this. Go talk to one yourself and see if you can see one together with her. It will give you a fair indication if there is anything worth saving anyway. Good luck with it.
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You wonāt know if you donāt try. You should t least try, but like lads say, youāll need mediation.
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I was.down a similar track at one point. Tried marriage counselling but she was, for myriad reasons, incapable.of returning after first session
So I went to a counsellor of my own accord. I went to see if there was truth in the arrows slung at my character that had really hurt. If I knew theyb
were real, I could work on fixing them. I found it easier to lay it all out to a stranger if nothing else and then hopefully professional input could add more.
Even typing this here, thereās a slight unease that opening yourself up, it will be used as ammo at some point. with that fear removed, opening up to that stranger who I never visited again was massively cathartic. I caught myself actually whistling 20 mins afterwards. It stood out as was first time in a long long time for such a simple act i now find myself doing regularly in the garden or about the house. The visit was first step to helping that return
So I would highly recommend going to counsellor. If only even the once, it was like a release valve. Clearly posting up here, youāre looking to find your way to similar valve.
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Only by absolute cunts pal if even. Wouldnt worry bout it
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I should clarify. Itās not just about here but even confiding in friends, family. Thereās the thought of embarrassment, burdening, awkwardness, arming.
With counsellor all of that was removed. I could be entirely frank and open with no fear it would come back in some or form
Itās taking that step to opening yourself up is the hardest bit, rightly or wrongly.
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Whatās the hourly rate for a marriage counsellor?
Do you need any particular qualifications?
Think it was 75 quid for the guy I went see who wasnāt a marriage counsellor. Heād a wall.full.of certs but a mute with an hour spare would have fitted the bill for where I was at. It was just being able to spew it all out in one go to someone without bias.
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Tough one mate. Doesnāt sound like there is an easy fix.
As others have said Iām not sure being miserable for another decade is of any use to anyone either. We only get one go around.
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am i the only that sees his love of the GGA as the issue here?
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Iām sorry to hear that. I think the advice to speak with someone is good. I have no experience of marriage, but as other have advised if itās possible to visit a marriage counsellor with your wife it would be worth it, for your children and for the significant portion of your life that youāve invested in your marriage. If not, do visit a counsellor yourself, I do have experience with that and as others have said you will not regret it.
The only piece of advice I would is not to continue in your current situation for the sake of your children. It sounds like you are both financially capable of separation. Two happy parents apart are better for them than two unhappy ones together; as gently as I can put it, your children arenāt going to learn positive things about relationships from seeing how their parents interact, and it will affect them; but most importantly, itās still a significant time until your children will be grown up, life is too short to be so unhappy for so long. Everyone deserves at least the opportunity for happiness, whether thatās in retrieving your marriage or moving away from it, itās absolutely the least you deserve.
I hope things work out better for you.
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You should take lads advice and go to a counsellor ā¦you havenāt mentioned one redeeming feature about her ,seems a serious level of toxicity thereā¦
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Accord do a free or at least cheap service. Think you throw a few quid that you feel is fitting or that you can afford. But great advice to speak to someone.
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Probably a factor. The idea of being emotionally invested in any sport is completely alien to her. Unlikely to be the deal breaker though.
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You mentioned youāre ambilavent to work but still earn more than the wife who is obsessed with it. Might that lead to frustration on her part?
Maybe. She doesnāt see me as a serious person, bit of a joker and messer. She used to like that about me. I havenāt grown into a serious adult, and she has. Her opinion. Iām serious when I need to be.
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Serious when you need to be is exactly right. If youāre holding down a job, paying the bills, and supporting your kids, you donāt need to get any more serious.
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Youāve already shown serious levels of resilience. You never know, as everyones situation is different but I would have been out the door long ago if the kids situation were agreed upon. Get your ducks in a row on the legal side, re finance, housing and make sure youāre on firm ground re access to the kids. You sound like a stand up bloke, time to start enjoying yourself again and like the selfishgiant says ditch the GAA. Signed, another internet oddball.
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The only social outlet he has ye want him to ditch?
Iām not understanding this.
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I was kidding pal although broadening horizons outside the local club is never a bad idea.
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