The marriage difficulties and auld GAA lads from Craobh thread

Culture
506

Yeah its comments like that are why there is a me too movement etc. If it was an attempt of a joke it’s a bad read

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507

Are your feelings hurt on behalf of Sad? Another clown. l pity the likes of you.

508

No mate your comment was disgraceful.

509

l’m not interested in what you think, don’t bother replying to me again. I’m out of this thread. The snowflakes are coming l fear.

510

I have no experience of marriage beyond observing my parents’ one and my response won’t be as good as most of the lads here but I’ll give it a go:

  1. Welcome to our crazy community.

  2. Tfk is a terrible support network. You’re seeing the best side of the group here but that won’t last and if you rely on tfk for emotional support in the long run that will be a disaster and just make you feel worse. I think @Rocko was saying to see a counsellor, that wouldn’t do you any harm. Also, counselling is often a good opportunity to strategize, more on that in a moment.

  3. “Hasn’t worn your wedding ring in 6 years” - that strikes me as very very odd. “Isn’t usually home before 9 but hasn’t gotten a promotion” - pal, I think your wife is having an affair.

  4. Alternatively, she might be working for a major commercial law firm and genuinely be a joyless loveless cunt. I’d say she probably has serious emotional problems actually- no friends, can’t open up to anyone, even her husband. Point is that if she is a lawyer then she’s going to be very clever and will have already planned for things going wrong. And my point about that is you need to he very careful, talk to an expert and lay all your groundwork meticulously. And be very disciplined and don’t slip. And also just be aware that divorce with a woman like that could potentially get very nasty and don’t take it too personally or let it get you down.

  5. Divorce.

  6. Sorry for calling your wife a cunt, that’s the exact kind of unnecessary bitterness and indiscipline that you should seek to avoid.

2 Likes
511

Has anyone here ever being through a divorce?

With kids involved?

Surely it’s the worst case scenario possible unless you’re a millionaire or something? Is it not more or less financial ruin if you get divorced?

Do you not end up losing the family home?
Potentially paying off a mortgage for a house you’ll never live in again?
Spend half of your money paying off that mortgage and the other half renting a shitbox apartment?
You also have to play for child support and have limited access to the kids.

Looking at it I don’t think I know too many people who got married and divorced with kids that the men did not have some sort of big money behind them.

I don’t have much knowledge of it but the general perception out there is that when it comes to a divorce men get absolutely screwed on the financial side, the family home and access to kids. Is that a fair picture?

The thing that would probably worry me about divorce is that you’ll probably never own your own home again unless you are lucky enough to inherit one and/or are absolutely minted.

The common way in years gone by is that husbands and wives stuck it out, hell I’d even say couples are sticking it together these days just to even buy a house. I’d say a high % of marriages are probably loveless if I’m honest.

I don’t particularly enjoy being on my own, I’d like to be with someone who I love and who cares for me back but I don’t think I’d swap my current situation for a lot of people I’d know at the same time who are in relationships and marriages with women who would drive me up the wall.

512

What’s the phrase - your heart ripped out through your wallet.

If both spouses work it can be easier (that’s the case here) but it’s a tough few years for most as two households need to be maintained and in almost every case the wife will get to stay in family home with kids until they finish education.

The resentment can eat a lad up if he lets it.

If the kids are older divorce is a lot easier including financially….but you can’t always live your life five or ten years in the future and if you’re miserable in a marriage you need to get out i think.

Figuring out why you’re miserable is key though. You’re always left with yourself and if you’re the problem then that’s still going to be there

513

As far as I understand it in Ireland women suffer worse from divorce financially than men.

514

What would be the general line where a couple have a mortgage on a home with 20 years remaining.

Husband has to move out?
Keep paying on the mortgage and contributing towards the kids?
And either move back home with family or rent some shitty apartment or house share with a bunch of strangers?

That’s seems like the saddest and most humiliating of existence. To me staying in a loveless relationship is a far better scenario than the above.

515

Yeah that’s usually how it works. Kids and wife stay in home til they finish full time education and home is then sold.

516

Did The mediation Act 2017 go some way to easing it on your wallet ? Solicitors obliged to offer it?

517

How so?

They’re not generally paying for their husband’s accommodation when the husband is paying for theirs and generally the husbands pays maintenance or upkeep for the kids. It’s basically same as it was for the mother but the husband now have doubled or trebled his outgoings.

518

That’s bleak, a divorce will basically end a man financially so.

It’s a messy, messy situation.

519

The hardship comes from money having now to support two households/homes. Most people struggle with it as the maths don’t work.

Mediation can help with the acrimony but the numbers are the numbers for most couples.

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520

But solicitors and barristers are usually the winners in bitter divorces, mediation has potential to reduce those fees

521

You can bounce back from it. I’d not advise staying in a marriage if you are miserable. You only get one go around the block.

522

Yeah true. Spending money on fees to fight is madness

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523

Oh yes…and I wouldn’t know where to start. I came through it fairly well but it’s a long traumatic unjust business.

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524

It depends on your financial situation but I think it’s very difficult to that unless you have serious earning power.

Say a couple married in their 30s. Have a few kids. It’s probably mid 50s by the time they finish school and then these days you will probably have to put 30-40k towards their third level education. How do you come back from that financially unless you’re earning 80k+ a year minimum.

Is living in a shitbox apartment in your 40s or shared accommodation with strangers while your ex wife has the family home you’re paying for and worked hard for and the kids you loved. I think it’s fucking scary.

It’s a different story when there’s no kids involved but when their kids involved it’s an option of a rock or a hard place between a loveless relationship and a divorce. I don’t know the answer to this but I would say it’s probably women that pull the pin on divorces 90% of the time?

525

And her with the new jockey moved into the house and your kids calling him Daddy

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