The TFK Nightwatchman Thread


Vomiting bug has struck. Spent last hour scraping the worst degree of shit off the eldests bedclothes. Not a fucking thing escaped, duvet cover, duvet, pillow cases, pillows, sheet, mattress protector, and don’t start me on the teddies, the poor fuckers were like Nam survivors. Actually one thing survived, thank fuck for a mattress protector, saved a grand mattress from the worst degree of smell I’ve encountered. Can’t wait to get a shower, I was in it up to me oxers as herself calmed the child back to nod, but currently smoking in the jocks outside lookin up at the moon wondering how different Saturday nights were once upon a time.

Anyway, panic over, all sleeping soundly as I wait for the teddies to come out of the dryer and will quietly drop them into the welcoming arms of the poor divil and slope off for a well earned shower.

Go well my brothers.


You’ve certainly upped it since @Bandage baby news and the increased scepticism…


Much like tasottis rapist, it’s a case of go hard or go home


How ye




More tired than a knacker after riding all 18 of his sisters and one of his mothers


You’re clearly a wonderful father


Sold a heap of club lotto tickets in parralel with drinking a heap of pints. A hell of an evening. Thank fuck they are all asleep here, I gave an all merciful bang to the door on the way in


Are you making tae?


I’ve it drank, 2 lovely slices of white toast with it.


Can’t beat it.


Ti’s rare to get a quiet moment in this house, I’m enjoying it.


When you’re going to bed you should tie some pots and pans around your ankles. They won’t hear a thing with all the noise




It’s ok bro, I’m sure your youngster will never get sick.

Just out from the youngest, teething. Took the opportunity to empty the duvet onto the rack, and pop in the pillows. The sunrise is disappointing this morning.


Signing out, all childer awake and in great form, remember that @bandage and @briantinnion, no matter how bad the night, they’ll eventually always sleep, and they bounce back remarkably quickly.

Us on the other hand, we don’t bounce so good no more :crazy_face:


God be with you @Ebeneezer_Goode


@Bandage don’t worry about all this shit.

With one sprog it’s heaven. Make sure herself feeds from the tap and later that the local does baby bowls.

You’ll have another year and a half with a designated driver and loads of sneaky pints at lunch or dinner.

Timing of the feeds at the start is paramount though.

I’d get home from a hard day working for the man around 6.30/7pm (don’t start rushing home), stop for a pint if early, never give false hope.

Ms Goode would have the dinner made for me and would feed the little lad around 8pm and go to bed. Me the caring father would stay up and watch over him and the telly, having the occasional Heineken. At 11.30/12 when he woke, I’d call the bean an ti to takeover and I’d go to bed. She would look after him and get back up at 4.30/5. I’d be grand and although her sleep broken she’d be grand too with 7/8 hrs sleep.

With herself feeding, the baby really doesn’t give a monkeys about you…don’t worry, play on this, it will change but it means you won’t have to change nappies much either. I remember telling a work colleague I had changed 6 nappies in the first 6 weeks and they thought this strange???

Then the second comes along.

All the above changes…the little things kinda form a bond with you anyway. While one is being fed or played with you really can’t ignore the other one…you’ll start bringing them places too, repeatedly and ones offs, horse riding, swimming, funky monkeys, imaginosity, play grounds…it’s fucking endless. You don’t want to but for some reason you do it…

These are like school trips but they happen every weekend. Now in Wexford that might have been normal growing up but in Dublin the front door was opened and we were told to come home for dinner when the Angelus rang in St Sylvesters, which at the time could be heard all over the village…now we lived under some rules, you couldn’t be late for dinner or you ate it cold. Cold stew on Tuesday or cold chips and eggs on a Friday ensured at a young age one learned the values of timeliness.

Anyway, after these excursions, you may say, ah I might go for a pint, depending on the week this could have a positive or negative response… always finish that sentence with, I’ll only have a few and sure I’ll get up with them in the morning…

Then on a Saturday or Sunday you’ll end up posting on this site dying of a hangover with kids drinking milk and watching The Boss Baby or Toy Story.

Dinosaurs yesterday at the Ambassador, swimming later this morning… I’ll have a few pints at the Gary Og gig later tonight though.

Monday is my lie on day. Always ensure the work diary has an meeting in it and get in the office for 11. It’s weird at the start but after a while people in the office start saying, oh Mr Goode doesn’t get in til around 11 on Monday’s…then you know you’ve cracked it.

Peter Rabbit is on here…


Are you sure you didn’t find it ?


No. I’d have gone fishing hours ago if I had.