Had an amusing experience in the jacks at work today.
My story starts yesterday evening when iād a few noble pints of Smithwicks after work. The drinking continued into the early hours. I should have known iād get a dose of the scutters today but when it came it was still no less of a surprise.
Off i went to the jacks. We have a two-trap system and as trap two was out of bog-roll i felt the safest option was trap one. I went at it hell for leather in there and after a few moments iād absolutely destroyed the jacks. Nevertheless, i was very pleased with the outcome and it was a great load off my mindā¦
As i went to flush away the mess iād created i was bemused to find that the flusher was broken. Unperturbed, i left trap one and made my way to the hand basins (knowing that it was now someone elseās problem). As i dried my hands some four eyed fook shuffled in, possibly after having a feed of Smithwicks himself the night before, and made for trap two (no doubt discouraged by the emissions coming from trap one). I made sure not to make eye contact with this punter, eliminating any remorse i may have felt. When he saw that trap two had no bog-roll he was in a similar scenario to me, whereby trap one was the only feasible option. I distanced myself from the scene of the crime by qucikly exiting the area, long before the chap had a chance to put two and two together and start pointing fingers. Needless to say i had the last laugh.
[quote=āThe Dunphā]Had an amusing experience in the jacks at work today.
My story starts yesterday evening when iād a few noble pints of Smithwicks after work. The drinking continued into the early hours. I should have known iād get a dose of the scutters today but when it came it was still no less of a surprise.
Off i went to the jacks. We have a two-trap system and as trap two was out of bog-roll i felt the safest option was trap one. I went at it hell for leather in there and after a few moments iād absolutely destroyed the jacks. Nevertheless, i was very pleased with the outcome and it was a great load off my mindā¦
As i went to flush away the mess iād created i was bemused to find that the flusher was broken. Unperturbed, i left trap one and made my way to the hand basins (knowing that it was now someone elseās problem). As i dried my hands some four eyed fook shuffled in, possibly after having a feed of Smithwicks himself the night before, and made for trap two (no doubt discouraged by the emissions coming from trap one). I made sure not to make eye contact with this punter, eliminating any remorse i may have felt. When he saw that trap two had no bog-roll he was in a similar scenario to me, whereby trap one was the only feasible option. I distanced myself from the scene of the crime by qucikly exiting the area, long before the chap had a chance to put two and two together and start pointing fingers. Needless to say i had the last laugh.[/quote]
The worst thing about that whole story is the apparent mutant that enters into the story in the 3rd paragraph
[quote=āmyboyblueā]10 mins on the bog, with a mobile internet device, and this is what you came up with?
Sounds to me like you were in the lovely ladies thread more likeā¦[/quote]
Iām actually at homeā¦ I knew by the amount drank, shite food consumed and by the rumbling in my gut it was gonna be something drastic so I brought in the laptop and read the fond memories of others shits gone byā¦
Iām actually at homeā¦ I knew by the amount drank, shite food consumed and by the rumbling in my gut it was gonna be something drastic so I brought in the laptop and read the fond memories of others shits gone byā¦[/quote]
For 4 days now at work I have observed a large floater that has failed to flush. Whoever created this relic must have an arsehole the size of a batchelors bean tin. Its like something a dehyrdated creep fed belgian blue weanling would produce. It would be classified as āType 3ā on the Bristol Stool Chart. I was hoping at this stage that erosion might have set in but alas noā¦ I wonder did someone turn up at A&E with an arse haemorrhage?
I encountered a type 3 floater myself at work recently, i logged it on the other toilette etiquette thread. Itās the height of rudeness to leave that for the next unsuspecting punter to enter the cubicleā¦
Back to work after two weeks off on holidays. In that time off I had near wipe free type 2 stools, clean as you like. I come back into work this week and Iām on type 6/7. Must be to do with stress or something but boy is it nasty!
How do people feel about taking a nap in the handicapped jacks if youāre hungover at work? A couple of lads I know swear by it. My judgement is that it is alright so long as youāre fairly confident there are no handicapped people in the same office space as yourself, but very bad form if you know there to be a wheelchair-bound person in the vicinity. Iām planning a bit of a session on Thursday night, and am considering making this move on Friday morning. I probably wonāt though.
Had a harrowing experience at work today. Was minding my own business having my traditional after-lunch shit. I used the middle trap, as one side trap was occupied and the other had a horrible residue of scutter above the water line that I wanted no part of. Anyway, there I was enjoying a game of Tank Hero on my phone, when I hear someone going into the empty trap to my left. I was bracing myself for the loud fart noise that often accompanies the start of a shit, when all of a sudden I hear a very different noise. The cunt was whacking off in there. He was going hard at it for around two minutes Iād say (felt more like twenty), before the tell tale splash noise indicated that he had reached a conclusion.
Needless to say I concluded my game of Tank Hero quick smart and got out of there. The fucker came out of the trap just as I was leaving the jacks. Did not recognise him at all, late 20s/early 30s Iād say. He must have come from a different part of the building to do the deed. Sick fucker.
I was traumatised for the entire afternoon by the experience. If Puke or anyone is considering having a bit of a tug at work, Iād ask you to seriously consider the impact on the innocent victims in adjacent traps.
