You have to laugh (part 2)

Not sure that is true though. Remember him commenting on the farce of the process the FAI had organised after Charlton left and how he would love to have been the Irish manager.

Joe Kinnear will have to sit in the stands for the first two games of his Newcastle tenure.

Heā€™s to serve the ban for comments made to the officials in his last game in charge of Nots Forest in 2004.

You have to laugh.

[quote=ā€œBandageā€]Joe Kinnear will have to sit in the stands for the first two games of his Newcastle tenure.

Heā€™s to serve the ban for comments made to the officials in his last game in charge of Nots Forest in 2004.

You have to laugh.[/quote]

Farcicalā€¦

2 down @ half time to Blackburn

Too good to go down?

Ah thatā€™s comical. The FA never forgetā€¦

I see big Joe was getting jibes about being a cockney today, he had to point out (in a cockney accent) that he was in fact Irish!

Newcastle United are set to capture Steven Carr on a short term deal until the end of season. Carr was last seen masquerading as a Premiership right full back for, er, Newcastle at the tail end of last season. Interim Manager Joe Kinnear sees this as a step forward rather than just another reason for people to laugh at Newcastle. I know what Iā€™m doing said Joe.

Give Joe a chance! people like u sicken me, ready to pounce on him the minute he does sumthing he thinks will help the club! Lets just hope Ashley f*cks off b4 they get relegated!!

Super first post, Flano will be along any minute to say hi and bandage will have a questionaire.

By the way, Stephen Carr.

Fucking priceless.

hello cloughjordan fc fan,

The last time I played soccer against cloughjordan fc I bagged myself a hat-trick in a youths game. Willie Dā€™arcy bagged one in return for ye in a pulsating 5-5 draw.

This is sensational.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2008/oct/03/newcastleunited.premierleague

The following is an edited transcript of Newcastle interim manager Joe Kinnearā€™s first official press conference yesterday:

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirrorā€™s north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK Youā€™re a cunt.

SB Thank you.

JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, youā€™re saying I turned up and they [Newcastleā€™s players] fucked off.

SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesnā€™t actually say that. Have you read it?

JK Iā€™ve fucking read it, Iā€™ve read it.

SB It doesnā€™t say that. Have you read it?

JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.

SB Have you read it, it doesnā€™t say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK Fuck off. Fuck off. Itā€™s your last fucking chance.

SB You read the copy? It doesnā€™t say that you didnā€™t know.

JK What about the headline, you think thatā€™s a good headline?

SB I didnā€™t write the headline, you read the copy.

JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.

SB So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldnā€™t. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?

JK It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ainā€™t got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?

SB No, you can listen to who you want.

JK I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.

SB Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.

JK No, no, no. I didnā€™t want to do it. I had some other things to do.

SB What? More important things?

JK What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.

SB You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.

JK I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.

SB It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.

JK I canā€™t trust any of you.

Niall Hickman Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.

JK My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.

NH But why Monday, no one could believe it?

JK Iā€™m not going to tell you anything. I donā€™t understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?

NH Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?

JK I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I donā€™t talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ā€¦ [but] you will find some cunt that ā€¦

Other journalist How long is your contract for Joe?

JK None of your business.

SB Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you donā€™t know ā€¦

JK I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. Thatā€™s it finished. I donā€™t know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. Heā€™s trying to fucking hide, heā€™s trying to do this or that.

There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.

Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun) We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?

JK Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.

Newcastle press officer What has been said in here is off the record and doesnā€™t go outside.

Journalist Well, is that what Joe thinks?

JK Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Donā€™t affect me I assure you. Itā€™ll be the last time I see you anyway. Wonā€™t affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Donā€™t trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ainā€™t coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. Iā€™m ridiculed for no reason. Iā€™m defenceless. I canā€™t get a point in, I canā€™t say nothing, I canā€™t do nothing, but I ainā€™t going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. Iā€™m not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so Iā€™ve got a split camp or something like that, something like that. Itā€™s ongoing. It just doesnā€™t stop.

Journalist Itā€™s only been a week.

JK Exactly. It feels more like a year.

Journalist Itā€™s early days for you to be like this.

JK No, Iā€™m clearing the air. And this is the last time Iā€™m going to speak to you. You want to know why, Iā€™m telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.

Journalist But this isnā€™t going to do you or us any good.

JK Iā€™ll speak to the supporters. Iā€™m going to tell them what the story is. Iā€™m going to tell them. I donā€™t think theyā€™ll interpret it any different, I donā€™t think theyā€™ll mix it up, I donā€™t think theyā€™ll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ā€¦ I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like ā€œWell, thatā€™s a load of bollocks ā€¦ā€

Journalist ā€œBollocks to thatā€ is what you said.

JK Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?

Journalist That was it.

JK No it wasnā€™t, no it wasnā€™t. What was after it? I donā€™t know if it was your paper, but what went after it?

Journalist I donā€™t know.

JK It even had the cheek to say ā€œbollocks to Newcastleā€.

Journalist I didnā€™t write that.

JK That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?

Journalist Where was that? Which paper said that?

JK Iā€™ve got it. I canā€™t remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.

Journalist But you didnā€™t say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.

JK Iā€™ll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?

Journalist Are you saying that someone has reported you saying ā€œbollocks to Newcastle?ā€

JK Yes. Lovely.

Journalist I donā€™t know whoā€™s reported that.

JK Iā€™ll tell you what, Iā€™ll bring it in.

Journalist Thatā€™s obviously going to damage you. Thatā€™s not a good thing. But I donā€™t think someoneā€™s done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.

JK So have I. But I havenā€™t come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if Iā€™m not flavour of the month for you, it donā€™t fucking bother me. Iā€™ve got a job to do. And Iā€™m going to do it to the best of my ability. Iā€™m not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And donā€™t twist anything.

Journalist You know, you know the game ā€¦

JK Of course I know, but I donā€™t have to like it.

Journalist Today weā€™ll print the absolute truth, that you think weā€™re cunts, we can all fuck off and weā€™re slimy. Is that fair enough?

JK Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that itā€™ll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.

Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club

Press officer Letā€™s get on to football. Letā€™s have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, itā€™s wiped off and weā€™re not discussing it.

Journalist But thatā€™s what Joe has said he thinks of us.

Press officer Iā€™m saying donā€™t push it. Letā€™s accept whatā€™s been said and try and move on.

Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?

PO: No, to doing something now.

Journalist: What, one press conference only?

(Silence)

Journalist: Any knocks?

PO: Come on, letā€™s go football.

Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? Howā€™s the training going?

JK Itā€™s going very well. No problems at all.

Journalist Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?

JK Absolutely. Iā€™ve loved every moment of it.

that is brilliant stuff.

Have to laugh at the press officer trying to make out the whole thing should be kept off the record with Kinnear telling them to print what they want. Priceless stuff.

fiar fucks to kinnear tho, showing a bit of balls and bite to him still. journalists are cunts and try to make a story out of nothing, and at least Kinnear was honest with them and didnt give the usual cliche responses.

Audio here. Comical.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/2008/10/02/audio-joe-kinnear-swears-an-amazing-52-times-in-a-five-minute-rant-at-the-daily-mirror-115875-20767990/

Yeah I think Kinnear comes out of that very well to be honest. Journalists hiding behind ā€œI donā€™t write the headlinesā€ or ā€œthat was the Sundays, why say that to us?ā€ are just running from the fact that they donā€™t want to stand over the shite they print in their pathetic articles because itā€™s all unsubstantiated myths. Kinnear has nothing to lose - he doesnā€™t need a relationship with the media beyond his local papers and I think heā€™s perfectly right to get antagonistic with people whoā€™ve been antagonistic with him.

I think itā€™s a bizarre appointment but I hope he does well (and then they get rid of him and turn to shite again).

I thought it was a piss take - cant believe it actually happened!

I like auld Joe, a straight shooting cockney Irish punk. He didnā€™t say much out of the way. Swear words are the vernacular for most people.

Like fuck they are.

tony jimeniz has quit his job as head of player recruitment(or whatever it was) todayā€¦wonder are the FA looking for him to take brian barwicks old jobā€¦

Kevin Keegan is suing Newcastle United for 9million in damages after claiming unfair dismissal following his departure as manager last month.

The 57-year-oldā€™s second stint in charge on Tyneside ended in acrimonious circumstances after a bust-up with owner Mike Ashley.

Keegan has begun legal proceedings against the club demanding full payment of his three-and-a-half-year contract, according to the London Evening Standard.
It is believed Keegan claims he signed a deal to return to Newcastle on the condition that he was given total control of all first-team affairs.

But the former England boss believes Dennis Wiseā€™s role as director of football infringed upon the terms of that agreement and made his position untenable.

The transfer of striker Xisco from Deportivo on deadline day is thought to have particularly riled Keegan, who had minimal knowledge a deal would be struck.
It is unclear whether Newcastle will launch a counter claim for breach of contract, as the club declined to comment.

This latest legal wrangle marks the further deterioration of Ashleyā€™s relationship with the man who took the club from bottom of the old Second Division to Premier League runners-up and Champions League participants in his first spell in charge between 1992-97.

The retail entrepreneur has become a hate figure in the north east following Keeganā€™s departure, although the club issued a statement denying Ashley subsequently held talks with Keegan in a bid to resolve the dispute but no solution was reached and Joe Kinnear has since been appointed interim manager while the club look for new owners.

Michael Owen will be out for 10 days after sustaining a groin injury in training with Newcastle.

The England striker will miss the Barclays Premier League game against Manchester City on Monday.

Newcastle are going down.