I think bullying is one the most misused words in the English language, especially by kids âŠI go ballistic when I hear my eldest using it after an interaction in school ⊠thatâs not to say it doesnât happen but people need to know the consequences for all parties before using the word âŠ
Interesting to see a teacher say this (arenât you a teacher) and interesting to see nearly all the forum agree with just throwing a bully a punch.
Thatâs my thoughts too. My memories of school is youâd have 1 or 2 ringleaders leading a line of boys to beat up a weak/timid kid but if the bully wasnât in for a day it just wouldnât happen and the lackies would nearly be happy that they didnât have to go through with it.
Different now though- and physical bullying is easy to sort
My kid is a black belt in Tae kwon do
Physically 6-3
GAA/soccer
When itâs mental / online etc etc and it follows into school itâs a whole different animal
Heâd have kicked shit out of his bullies but 2 factors stopped him
Main one-
Afraid to tell me as he knew Iâd have broken bones and ended up in court
2 nd. - heâs not at all like me and is too intelligent to use his fists to sort out hassle
Whole different ball game now, anyone in Cork city/ Derry of my age can attest to the fact that I never shied away from a kicking match
Thankfully my young man is smarter than me fein
Years ago when the school was informed they acted immediately
Kept me updated via call once a week
Watched my kid
Eventually bully got fucked out
( incidentally his mum is a vice principal her self in a school in the northside)
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Quite often itâs the bullied kid finds it so foreign or scary to return the violence or punch. Theyâre not accustomed to it at home, on football pitches, in every day situations.
Letting them know that if it was in their own defence/defence of a pal and if used as a last resort its ok, can still take time for them to be able to carry into action.
Itâs a crossing of the Rubicon of sorts throwing that dig with the full intent to hurt.
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Our school isnât great at dealing with this stuff to be honest. The little ladyâs class is pretty sound but thereâs one fella who has caused a lot of problems for years. Spat in her face one day on the way home from school. Does a lot of it on the avenue up to school so the school turn a blind eye. Some kids meet up and walk up together. Itâs been going on for years, the school have had various parents contact them about it and nothing has happened. I can understand to be honest cos itâs very difficult and itâs a can of worms but thereâs still been more than enough stuff happened in there for them to take an interest.
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I didnât know whether to share this or not but somebody close to me went through this with his youngfella. His kid is really good, bright, funny but shy and sensitive. He is into the aul dancing and drama. He was getting physically and mentally bullied by one little gurrier, theyâre 10. It got bad. Not wanting to go to school, anxiety. Child psychologist. School were fucking useless. No proof. Made the kid feel worse. Lost faith in the school.
My man, I grew up with him. Hard but fair. Quiet too.
He found out who the father was. Found out where he drank. A gurrier too, surprise, surprise
Waited outside the pub for yer man, caught him on his own and gave him a few sighters, and put the foot on his neck. Everytime my youngfella comes home crying, youâll get this, and itâll be worse every time. Even if it isnât your little cunt, youâll get it
It stopped straight away.
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At post primary, Iâd like to see three strikes and recommendation for expulsion. Majority of parents would support this. Schools need to have the will to take hard decisions and follow through. Bullying can do untold damage to the victim. It is one of my greatest fears that one of my girls would be bullied or be the bully.
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Any fight I was in at school was a result of me stepping in for someone getting bullied.Funnily enough Iâd never stand up for myself. I was in first class and stepped in to protect a lad from one of the bullies. One of his gang pushed me and I hit my eye off the corner of a table. Few stitches but probably saved me from an awful hiding. Stepped in another time against someone from a certain community who was hassling someone. While I got the better of him I had to do a lot of ducking and diving as his family sought retribution. Not worth it imo.
There were 2 bullies in our class and they went at each other one day. Was like watching Tipp and Kilkenny. Iâm glad I didnât tackle either of them. The winner was a right nasty fucker. He committed suicide recently.
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Itâs great to see that all the lads in here would teach their kid to defend himself against bullies but no-one here has ever had to deal with finding out that their fella was the bully! No-one has ever had other parents come to them complaining about what their lad was getting up to.
How would you deal with that, do you think? Itâs all ahead of me.
(Also, there are good tips on how to deal with a bully but no-one here was ever a bully in school. The TFKers were always the bigger man, itâs great.)
There is a reason lads bully aswell. They are unhappy with some aspect of their own life. They may be getting a tough time at home etc. You need to tackle the bullying but you need to treat the cause as well as the symptom.
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Fucking hell! Youâd hope he wasnât too much of a gurrier! That could backfire badly.
Our little lady wasnât in his crosshairs for long at all thank god. It was more incidental to him fancying her I think. Itâs the lads that he goes after properly. I know the parents of a couple of them (separate situations, one is in his class and the 9ther gets bullied through the gaa and football teams). Those kids have had a tough time of it and donât want to go to school/training etcâŠ
One thing I regret is that I would love to have stood up to people who bullied me. It wasnât like I was a small fella, just didnât have the bottle or the âstreet smartsâ. One time I did, I went in totally unprepared and came out the worst. I think itâs sometimes why I think that I wasnât good at contact sports. I never had the âkiller instinctâ you really need to nail someone.
I remember a minor football match and a row broke out and I watched a grown man enter the field to get involved and I did nothing.
I have seen people in the parish confront parents of the bullies at the time, and the parents would have denied it. Same people would be at mass collecting money etc at the time. Butter wouldnât melt.
Some of them in fairness grew out of it, and wouldnât be the worst now, some of them are still at it, now itâs âinternal fightingâ and theyâre in their mid to late 40s!
I often think if there is some pent up rage inside, and if someone vandalised my car and I found out, Iâd go to town on them with a golf club, and end up in court etc! Go totally mad!
Some of the other bullies of the group are dead by suicide, screwed on drugs or drink, or just general wasters.
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Once you make the decision he did youve to be willing to go further than the gurrier
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When I started secondary school I was the youngest in the school by about 6 months. The nature of the food chain meant that Day 1 sitting in the canteen a lad tried to lay down a marker and hit me a woeful clatter for nothing whatsoever aside from ensuring that he got a rep as a dangerous fucker. I had never been hit before and was absolutely gobsmacked
A leaving cert who was sitting nearby and whose parents were friendly with mine got up and came over and gave the table a bang and said âthis lad is with meâ⊠Never again a problem.
Iv said it here before but the school I was in the principal had more or less mandated the older students to police the bullying in the school. They had a free enough rein to stamp it out
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Maybe we just havenât told those stories? Thereâs random circular abuse/fights that happen and then thereâs bullying. Bullying in my eyes is sustained and targeted. Juhy Junior canât control himself and would sometimes lash out, as Iâve said before. Iâve found myself apologising to parents alright. I remember trying to talk to him after gaa one day after he hit 2 lads cos they celebrated beating his team. He went over and hit the 2 of them. His logic was that they had hurt his feelings so he was OK to hit themâŠ
Ideally most lads want their kids to be able to stand up for themselves, throw enough pu ches to stop something and be smart and fast enough to jdentify and run away from real trouble if it presents itself. Like a good guy in a film really. No big ask.
Isnt that surprising Iâd say if you did a profiling of the type of person who posts on Internet fora
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I was in the middle.of breaking up with the previous wife and myself & the kids had just moved into a new gaff. After a class bday party, the organising mother contacted me saying âsuch and such is after your number, is it ok to give it to her?â I knew your one was a single mother, not a bad sort from.a distance so said yeah. Im.on here I thought- how wrong was I?!!
See her number ring, build myself.up for the chats and instead get âI want you to know Iâm going to the school.tomorrow as.your kid is bullying mineâ
I was knocked.for.6 and not just because the chance of a hop was.gone! I detest bullies,.something Iâve drilled.into the kids from day dot. Was on the wrong end of it when a kid myself and had to move to Australia which ended in violence and me being ostracised from.the class for the entire time i was there. I know only too well the affect.
But also know itâs not in my kidâs nature. He goes the other way, minding kids more than should in some.instances. so had me in knot
Anyway, sit the young lad down, tell.him had a call from your one and weâll be going to the principalâs first thing in the morning. âTell me the full truth now and, whatever it is, we can figure it out from there. But if you tell me a lie and I find out thatâs the case in the principals office, youâre toast.â
Through tears âdad I swear, heâs always at everyone. We were in the line to go back in for class and he grabbed my two pals heads and banged them together so I hit him a boxâ
âSwear thatâs the full truth?â
âYeahâ
âGrand so, if thatâs the full truth, youre ok in my books no matter what happens in the principalâs office tomorrowâ
School.rings 9:05 following morning, principal. After usual civilities, âMr Richie, we have to follow up and let.you know about the incident. What I can also say is while itâs the first time any incident with Lionel Jnr, it is far from the same with the other boy involved. His mother is constantly on the phone or in these offices.â
âDo I have to worry about my boy being bully?â
âYou donât, fine kid, youâve nothing to worry about on that (particular!) front. Thatâll be as far as this goesâ
Major relief but It was something I toiled with all night. The thought of him being a bully had me sick to stomach.
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Weâd a polish kid who spat constantly ( national school)
Twasnt until my smallie having finished that I heard the full story
Other smallies tantalising him over his mispronunciation etc
He couldnât retaliate in English obviously so out of frustration he started to glug at the others who were at him
Guy who was in charge takes no shite but even he couldnât sort it
( former Cork football manager Brian Cuthbert)
So not easy for some kids
PS my smallie wasnât spat at but if I thought he was slagging the polish kid Iâd have ate him
But like most parents I was in the dark
Heâs a bad cunt 
Youâre right though, thatâs not bulling.
Similar to my own experience.
There are a few clichés about bulling, which contain varying degrees of truth.
One of the clichĂ©s is that a bully is always a coward - it depends what you mean. Iâd say most bullies will stop as soon as they know theyâre going to get a thump back. But obviously not every bully will, some of them are physically brave and will be happy for a fight.
None of them are morally brave though and the main âringleaderâ from school that I can remember slid into serious drug problems. He was physically brave but a moral coward in that sense.
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Coming up is hard⊠I was a little cheeky but really soft behind it all⊠Pure innocent⊠I ended up going to school in st. Endas (south hill)⊠I had at least one physical fight every year of the 5 years I was there. A few other times I didnât fight back because of the animals I was up against, just took a punch and moved on.
Thereâs nothing wrong with getting your kid to physically stand up for themselves. Encourage it⊠But I think the most important part is talking to your kids. Explain why youâre allowing them break some fuckers nose. You canât always be with your kids , they have to figure a lot of shit out themselves⊠But explaining things to them will help them to come to better conclusions and actions. Itâs clear as fuck, the shits doing the bullying are not getting that same guidance at home. If you can build that open rapport with them pre teen, thereâs a good chance they carry it, or some level of it, through to teen years.
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