The tangential opening paragraph to a sports article thread

A continuation from recent discussions in other threads.

This is a thread to log the increasing trend of tangential opening paragraphs to sports articles, whereby “journalists” write about some vaguely related topic from another sport, or life in general, which has little or no relevance to the actual article in an effort to come across as some sort of a intellectual.

We’ll start off with this beauty.

In the sporting realm, it’s obvious, but often under-appreciated in business is the maxim that you can’t get anything done without a team.

Lee C Bollinger noted, “you can only really succeed and accomplish things through the collective, the common purpose”.

Whilst Bollinger is not much of a hurling man, his expertise around the first amendment and the troubled history of a free press in America is unmatched. The first amendment guaranteed freedom of the press in seemingly clear terms but the president of Columbia University notes how this has evolved in response to social, political, educational, technological and societal change.

He stresses that even though the law will surely evolve in the coming years that a commitment to maintaining a press that is “uninhibited, robust and wide open” will sustain and progress.

His book of that name dominated my thoughts ahead of this weekend’s festival of hurling.

Not alone will we see the traditional principles associated with any successful team — the non-negotiable prerequisites of unity of purpose, attitude, honesty and relentless spirit, but we now see an uninhibited, changing game and mindset too.

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I think it’s gone out of popularity now, but an opening paragraph referencing an Army general/major was the norm for a while.

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Liam Toland often references Sun Tzu and the Art of War. Liam is an ex military man.

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Vince Lombardi and his biography ‘when pride still mattered’ is king here

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Franno is great for this, in a tongue in cheek way.

Some sports journalists think it’s profound though.

What in the name of jaysus is he fucking on about.

@Fagan_ODowd posted this one of Jackie Tyrrell’s in the Championship thread which is a particularly poor analogy imo.

I always felt All-Ireland semi-finals were like when you were a young teenager, full of life and mischief as you walked up to a nightclub door and approached the bouncers, bursting with excitement about how the night would unfold. Suddenly the large hand of the bouncer would be shoved in your face at the door.

“Not tonight, son.”

Disaster.

All-Ireland semi-finals feel like that because you arrive at them in hope rather than in expectation. You have earned nothing yet. Nobody owes you a place in an All-Ireland final and everything you’ve done up to that point counts for nothing. You’re either getting through the door or you’re not.

Losing the match was like getting refused because you had no ID. It was the biggest letdown and your world came crashing to a stop there and then. It was like you could see in the door of the nightclub and see your friends drinking away and having great fun without giving you a second’s thought.

You could hear the music as the strobe lights spilled out the door onto your miserable face and you weren’t taking part in any of it. You had convinced your parents to let you out, bought the nice new clobber and saved up the money. And it was all for nothing.

Bouncers that shove their hand in your face is a new one on me too

They also don’t call people “son”, at least not in Limerick.

Had this in the Sevco thread but I love this one for the absolute ridiculousness of the forced comparison:

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I suppose you saw that in “the scotsman”
You treacherous bastard

Cc @Bandage

The daily ranger.
The readers digest version of the scotsman.

Jackie never lost a semi final as a player so wouldn’t know how it feels like anyway.

Was he not there in 2005?

@cluaindiuic and Chuck Norris’ poker hand.

Yes, jackpot!

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My latest frustration with the Athletic. This isn’t woeful probably but it’s still irksome. Daniel Taylor is probably one of their better writers but this sort of backstory introduction to his articles is maddeningly repetitive.

Mourinho:

Leeds:

Keane:

Or his other intro is the one about the surrounding area:

Everton:

Fleetwood:

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Can someone post the text of this one up. I haven’t read it as I refuse to give the indo my email address, but the start is about banana art.

Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan sold a piece of art entitled ‘Comedian’ last week for $120,000. The artwork was a banana taped to the gallery wall in Miami with a piece of grey duct tape. Cattelan bought the banana at a local market, then taped it to the wall.

A day after it was bought, before it rotted, the banana was eaten by a New Yorker called David Dattuna. “The artwork has not been destroyed,” said the Gallery Director, Lucien Terras. “The banana is the idea.” The banana was described in the gallery brochure as “a symbol of global trade, a double entendre, as well as a classic device for humour.”

The Mayo GAA International Supporters Foundation must think the buyer of that banana got good value for money. They donated an initial €150,000 to the Mayo County Board in 2018, with certain stipulations about how it should be spent. They have another €250,000 waiting to be transferred, and have also said they would make around €1m a year available to the Mayo board subject to structural reform which would ensure good and transparent governance in the future.

The Foundation’s concerns were initially raised when they asked for a breakdown of how the €150,000 had been spent and the request was greeted by personal attacks (the chairman of the foundation was described as a donkey and at a subsequent match in MacHale Park between Mayo and the Underdogs, the song ‘Shoe the Donkey’ was played over the tannoy) and the usual GAA closing of ranks.

When the foundation subsequently issued a solicitor’s letter requesting a detailed breakdown, a random batch of receipts was sent. These included (this is not a misprint) an invoice from Walter Donoghue Curtains & Blinds for the supply and fitting of 12 vertical blinds for the sum of €2,023. Where they were fitted is not explained. The blinds leading the blind?

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Amongst this humorous collection of modern art, one of the stand-outs was a grocery bill in the sum of €62.90 which includes pitted prunes (€1.25) and . . . fun-size bananas. However, unlike the visitors to the Miami Art Gallery, the Foundation did not see the funny side, and have now issued legal proceedings for the return of the entire €150,000. At least the buyer of the banana taped to the wall got to eat his banana.

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I have been writing and speaking about the culture of cronyism and incompetence in GAA governance for over a decade, warning that sooner or later the system was going to collapse. But the GAA hierarchy — which has a vested interest in keeping things just as they are — has closed ranks, bailed out boards as and when required, and allowed the status quo to fester. If a light is shone on the working of county boards, soon it will be shone on Croke Park. They are all part of the same hypocrisy.

To try to defuse the Mayo problem, it was reported that the chairman of the foundation, Tim O’Leary, offered to fly from London to Dublin on Monday, December 2 for an 11.00am meeting with the GAA’s director general Tom Ryan. Another of the trustees, Terry Gallagher, an Achill native who runs a high-end limousine business in London offered to travel too.

O’Leary’s only stipulation was that the meeting had to be at his offices in Leeson Street as he is an international currency trader, and with the UK election, Chinese-US trade war and other significant events ongoing, he needed to be in the office to monitor currency fluctuations and be in contact with his traders on the ground. These successful businessmen were prepared to fly to Dublin. The meeting never happened, as the GAA delegation was not prepared to travel the two miles across town to meet them.

Without good, transparent governance, the GAA at central and county level is starting to come apart, but like all incompetent governments, the response is to deny the problem, attack the critics, close ranks and hope that it will go away. The status quo must be protected at all costs.

Two things are required to ensure the good health of GAA communities: a passionate volunteer culture and good, transparent governance. At the most recent census in 2016, County Kilkenny had a population of 99,000. Between 2000 and 2015, this small county won 11 senior hurling All-Irelands. No warm weather training, no overnight stays, no frills, just good governance that has the trust of the clubs, and as a corollary of that, a passionate volunteer culture.

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These are the foundation stones of success, on and off the field. We see this with the great club teams. Slaughtneil, with their parish of 1,800 people. Their own 100-acre farm, run for the benefit of the community. Their own theatre. Their own Irish schools. Since 2014, they have been three-time Ulster senior club football champions, three-time Ulster senior club hurling champions, three-time Ulster and All-Ireland club camogie champions.

Or what about Corofin, parish of 1,500 people, four-time All-Ireland club football champions, hurtling towards the three-in-a-row. Or Crossmaglen, with 2,000 people, the six-time All-Ireland football club champions. Or Kilcoo, new Ulster club football champions, with their minors now in the Ulster club semi-final and massive participation at every level in the club, on and off the field. I was up watching their seniors training recently and in this small parish in the middle of the Mournes, they have a panel of 45.

In the course of a long chat with Brian Cody a few weeks ago, I asked him to explain what the GAA is. He paused for a moment, then said, “It is about a sense of who you are and what you stand for. It is about being part of something bigger than yourself. Loyalty, spirit, on and off the field. It is about unity, the county board and the clubs striving together for something that is hard to explain. Something that cannot be infected by money. Something that cannot be bought.”

This unity Cody describes between board and clubs depends on strong, transparent governance. In Kilkenny, they spend around €200,000 per annum on their senior hurlers and run a very tight ship. The twin pillars of their approach are coaching and volunteerism.

We see the same in Dublin. When John Costello came in as CEO in 1994, he began by creating good transparent governance, disbanding the 17 boards and consolidating them into two — one juvenile and one adult. The focus was and remains participation and coaching. Dublin spent €1.2m on coaching this year. In that same period, it cost €1m to run the Mayo senior team. Dublin have 52 full-time coaches in schools and small clubs. Their salaries are around €30,000, with the clubs making a contribution towards the cost.

Mayo have four full-time coaches, and two working 19 hours a week. Eight extra coaches in Mayo would cost them around €250,000 and would — pro rata — give them more coaches than the Dubs. Instead, like most counties, the money is disappearing down the black hole of the senior county team, including vertical blinds and fun-size bananas and God only knows what else. No wonder there is civil war in Mayo between the county board and the clubs.

As there is in Galway, where they have made a loss of €261,248 this year, their main sponsor is seeking a breakdown of how his substantial donations have been spent, and there is general uproar in the county. The same sort of turmoil is happening in Meath, Derry, Sligo and beyond. The list is endless.

Let us take the example of Cork, a once proud county now brought to its knees.

Cork GAA lost €500k in the most recent financial year alone. For the new Páirc Uí Chaoimh they received €13.75m initial funding from the GAA centrally (between Croke Park and Munster). The cost of the project has spiralled, with a new estimate of between €100m and €110m, a fresh bailout from the GAA would need to be of the order of at least another €25m. There is civil war between the clubs and the board.

Cork’s commercial revenue for 2020 is projected to be of the order of €2.5-€2.9m. Yet they are broke, at each other’s throats, short of coaches and woefully short on spirit. Is it any wonder their senior teams are in limbo and the clubs and club players disillusioned?

Bad governance is a poison that inevitably results in closing ranks, power trips, shortcuts, money being wasted and incompetence. We see this with the FAI, where John Delaney created a culture of cronyism, surrounded by yes men, did what he pleased and walked away leaving them €55m in debt.

The estimated €10m debt in Mayo, or the estimated €30m debt in Cork, for example, are substantially more proportionately than the FAI’s debt. The frightening thing is that the overall debt of county boards is vastly more than the FAI’s. There are two reasons for this, both obvious, both caused by a vacuum in strategy. Firstly, the GAA has permitted the creation of a culture of professionalism in an amateur sport, with the senior county team becoming the be all and the end all and the clubs left to fight a losing battle. Secondly, the hierarchy has no strategy for creating a modern, fit-for-purpose governance structure for the association.

John Delaney may have gone from the FAI, but not before they used another €69,000 from the black hole of their overdraft to fund his retirement party. Interestingly, €40,000 was recently spent on a similar retirement do for a prominent GAA official. Journalists have asked for clarification of the details but those requests have been ignored. Like Tom Ryan’s salary, it is ‘commercially sensitive’ information. In other words, fuck off and mind your own business.

Dublin GAA is constantly attacked, accused of buying success. But this is a fallacy. If it weren’t, their minor teams would be dominating. Instead, they have won only two minor football titles in the past 35 years, in 1984 and most recently in 2012. Their senior hurlers have had the same investment and work put in as the footballers since 1994, and are stuck in Division 1B having been well beaten by lowly Laois in this year’s championship. Their senior footballers won in 1983. Then, a 12-year gap to 1995 (they were lucky that day), then a 16-year gap to 2011 when a needless turnover by Declan O’Sullivan with five minutes to go created a Dublin goal that helped to turn a four-point lead into a one-point deficit.

Since then, Dublin have had three draws and replay wins and all of their victories — bar last year’s over Tyrone — have been close-run affairs. They have won because there is now a vibrant GAA culture in Dublin, with the board and clubs operating together in harmony. They have won because they have had two outstanding leaders in Pat Gilroy and Jim Gavin who have imbued them with humility and spirit.

Dublin’s unity is a result of good transparent governance. In researching this piece, I rang Parnell Park and asked a series of questions about their finances. Every one of them was answered as soon as the details were punched up on the computer screen. "Hold on Joe, it’ll take me a minute to get that, ah here it is now . . . "

In 2009, all Dublin county teams (hurling and football) at all levels cost €1.2m to run. In 2019, which featured the footballers’ five-in-a-row success, the cost was €1.3m. In 10 years, the cost of their county teams has gone up by just €100,000, which with inflation factored in, means a net decrease in spending.

The additional revenue garnered has been spent on participation, coaching and supporting the clubs. Jim Gavin famously never claimed expenses (nor did Pat Gilroy before him). Nor did any of Jim’s management team. The doctors are also volunteers. The Dubs are ready to win big when the right group of players comes along because, like Kilkenny, things are being done properly. They should not be pilloried for being competent.

It is no coincidence that the most successful counties on the field are the best run off it. The problem is that because governance in the counties has been left up to the individual counties, this is hit or miss, and mostly miss. The health of the GAA community is too important to be left to chance.

The GAA’s governance at central and county level is demonstrably not fit for purpose. Most county boards are incompetent. This is mainly because they have been given an almost impossible task, volunteers trying to run million euro businesses in their spare time, submerged by the task of running amateur games on a professional basis. Some have been corrupted, prevented from disgrace only by the protection given to them by the hierarchy and the culture of secrecy. No wonder they have come to feel they can do what they like and get away with it.